Child of Destiny

Child of Destiny

Unread postby Nasdaq » February 12th, 2011, 3:56 pm

I figure this is a better place for concept pitches than the Writer's Workshop, and I have quite a few. I think I may have to set up a poll in a story to see which one people actually want to see some time. That said, here is an idea I seem strangely enamored with

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Naruto stared down at the corpse of his erstwhile rival as a chaotic storm of emotions ran through his young mind. Disbelief; Sasuke could not be dead, not here, not like this. Sadness; how could someone leave him, how could someone abandon him like this? Anger; the bastard who did this had no right, and had taken something from Naruto right after he'd finally begun to grasp it. And finally, there was rage. There where no words for the rage, just a searing whiteness that ran through his body, renewing it with foul vigor. He felt something awaken inside of him, a strange clarity, followed by red-hot malice.

When Naruto had snuck into the sphere in hopes of 'rescuing' his companion, he had not had the least idea it could end like this. The concept that one of them could be killed was simply alien to him, despite the years of schooling that should have prepared him for such an eventuality; all shinobi faced death, such was their lot in life, but Naruto, like so many before him, had not realized the truth of it until faced with the cold, harsh reality for himself. For most junior shinobi, this was a time of emotion, but fundamentally a necessary step in their careers.

Unfortunately, Naruto was not most junior shinobi, and in more ways that one. As the floodgates opened, the pain of losing the first comrade let loose a storm of power that was unique to only nine extant individuals in the world. A gift and curse in equal measure, Naruto had something else that marked him as different from even those other eight, something that would change history with one almighty push. He threw his head up and let out a terrifying bellow.

Haku seemed aware of the magnitude of his mistake the moment that Naruto began to change. The air around him seemed to sizzle as visible red chakra began to bleed from his body, swirling around him in a spiral pattern. He was about to act, to do something, anything really, when the dome of shining glass mirrors exploded outward with an amazing force. Haku felt terror at first, followed by blackness, as he was sent sailing off the bridge and into the unknown.

He was not the only thing cast asunder by the blast. Massive chunks of the bridge disappeared beneath Naruto, leaving an almost queer pedestal where the boy, now long in the fang and claw, and his dead companion were left, surrounded by a crater of impossibly smooth stone. The wave of force echoed out farther, however, creating a windstorm that swept away the mist that had bedeviled the Konoha-nin. As it did, Kakashi could see quite clearly once more, but he did not like what he could see.

The swirl of chakra had died down, though Naruto's feral and bestial features remained. However, there was one feature in particular that shocked his sensei, and Zabuza as well, as they watched him look around, as if looking for new prey. As Naruto's eyes settled on something, Kakashi knew that things were about to go from bad to worse.

Gatou led the pack. It was a veritable army of mercenaries, thugs, and various ronin who'd thrown their lot in with the aspiring dominater. He had little idea of what he was walking into as he approached. Truthfully, neither did Kakashi, but he knew it wasn't good. He'd heard stories, but he'd never expected to see it, and certainly not like this. For not only had Naruto unleashed the power of the Kyuubi no Kitsune, he'd also unleashed a power potentially even more deadly than that.

Naruto stared down Gatou with eyes of malice and anger, and of concentric black rings in a field of white.

-

Naruto with a Rinnegan is just... I don't know why, but I love it. Just do.
"Sasuke was not really happy with his team. The shy Hyuuga, and the laziest person he'd ever known where not people he'd have picked. And he never expected how a blue-eyed, blond-haired, and newly minted jounin would transform them all into a true team." - Naruto-sensei, currently in Arc 2: The Chuunin Exams
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Re: Child of Destiny

Unread postby gman391 » February 12th, 2011, 4:54 pm

Hmm it's been done but this is better than most I've seen. Good job
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Re: Child of Destiny

Unread postby Greybane » February 22nd, 2011, 1:10 am

Well done. I would like to see more, especially given how much of a sucker for Naruto with a Rinnegan fics I am.
Odd that. It actually worked.
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Re: Child of Destiny

Unread postby doc.exe » February 23rd, 2011, 1:14 pm

I agree, is quite a good job, and definetely better than most of what I have seen with the same premise. Maybe you could revisit it at some point.

To tell the truth, the only particular thing that tends to bug me about this particular premise (outside of the fact that Naruto with a doujutsu has been done to death and back) is that the Kyuubi already has the potential of making him overpowered enough. Adding the Rin'negan (i.e. the most overpowered bloodline limit in the entire series, even more than the Sharingan) is entering into overkill territory.

On that same note, at some point I toyed with the idea of Naruto awakening this doujutsu under the condition that he didn't get the Kyuubi sealed into him.
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Re: Child of Destiny

Unread postby gamebrain89 » February 23rd, 2011, 2:46 pm

I like this and i hope foy expand on it. Seeing as you guys profess a love of the premise, any reccs for a fic to read on that?
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