Assorted Random Writings

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Re: Assorted Random Writings

Unread postby Wraith5 » May 4th, 2014, 12:12 am

Then I am very glad you prefer those kinds of endings. My least favorite type of ending is, in the immortal words of Patrick, "Everyone died. The end."
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Re: Assorted Random Writings

Unread postby Aldraia Dragonsong » May 4th, 2014, 1:08 am

I agree; that type of ending leaves me terribly unsatisfied.
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Re: Assorted Random Writings

Unread postby Aldraia Dragonsong » September 10th, 2014, 5:02 am

This is the beginning of a Naruto time-loop idea. Not very original, I know, but I tried to make it at least a little unusual with my choice of central character.
Spoiler: show
Twisted Time

Regret

Two boys faced each other in a barren valley; one a blond and blue-eyed child untouched by any mark save three little lines on each cheek, the other a dark-haired creature who barely looked human anymore.
“Why...?” the blond one demanded, eyes sad.
“Sometimes I wonder myself,” the other replied. “But really, it's simple... I need power, and I need control over this. This is the only way to get both.”
“No, it isn't,” the first snarled, “and I'll prove it to you!”
The dark one smirked.
“And how will you do that?”
“Watch me!”
The two shifted stances, preparing for the battle of their lives.
“DYNAMIC ENTRY!”
The kick to the dark one's side caught both of them by surprise. He looked up at a boy with a face even more innocent than his blond rival's, and red eyes whirled...


A Wheel Spinning In Place

Again.
He had failed... again.
Uchiha Sasuke sat up slowly, drawing his knees up to his chest.
Time and again, he started anew, and time and again, he failed.
The dark-haired boy buried his head in his arms.
Maybe Neji was right. Maybe fate could not be stopped.
Maybe no matter what he did, Sasuke was doomed to fail.
How many times now? How many days of arguments, followed by how many of laughter? How many times had three children become a team? And how many times pain and blood and terror, and in the end, betrayal?
How many times had he sworn to do better this time?
Did it really matter, when he never kept that oath?
Little things changed. After a while, the arguments were shorter and the laughter longer. Sasuke had learned to value the peaceful times, the days when Sakura still looked at him with adoration, and Naruto’s anger vanished quickly to be replaced with laughter.
In the end, though, it was the same. A battle in the forest, too many narrow escapes, and then something that he could not escape from. And mind wreathed in the dark chakra of the Cursed Seal, one stupid, irrevocable choice.
One battle in a valley.
Little things changed, but one thing remained the same.
Time and again, he had failed.
Sasuke did not cry. He was not certain whether he could anymore.
He just sat there in his bed with his arms around his knees and his head buried in his arms, contemplating failures that had not yet happened.
Then he got up, dressed, and walked out of his room and into the impossible.
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Re: Assorted Random Writings

Unread postby Bezzerker » September 11th, 2014, 5:33 pm

I like this idea, it looks like a good jumping off point for a story.

This actually sparked an idea for how Sasuke could break the cycle. It all boils down to him doing something he hadn't done before. Tell Naruto about the cycles.

It's possible that Sasuke has tried telling other before, but his attempts generally go the same. Sakura is just excited to be talking to Sasuke and doesn't really pay attention to what he's saying. Kakashi tells Sasuke that he's nervous, and shouldn't worry about the 'dreams' he's been having. That sort of thing.

Except, Naruto doesn't dismiss Sasuke's tale as fantasy. In fact, upon hearing what has been happening to Sasuke, he tries his best to help break the cycle.

Now, this doesn't result in everything being fixed in a single cycle, and probably not even within five cycles. It does however, result in a demonstrable change in the cycle; showing Sasuke that it is possible to change the future.

This idea can also be used to how the Will of Fire that Konoha follows gives it's people strength; that getting help from your friends does not make a person weak, it's by destroying those bonds that makes a person weak.

That's what my idea was at any rate.
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Re: Assorted Random Writings

Unread postby Aldraia Dragonsong » September 18th, 2014, 4:56 pm

Another bit of Twisted Time.
Spoiler: show
The Wheel Turns

Rock Lee was standing just outside Sasuke’s front gate.
Sasuke stared silently at him for a moment, too stunned to react. This was... completely unexpected. And nothing unexpected had happened to him in a long time.
“Ah, I am sorry to bother you!” Lee said. “But you see, something very strange has happened, and I was hoping you might be able to help me!”
“...What is it?” Sasuke asked, going for the obvious question.
“As I remember it, yesterday, you and Naruto were fighting most fiercely,” Lee replied seriously. “I had been told that you were behaving most unyouthfully, so I raced to join the battle. But when I did, you looked up at me with your Sharingan eyes... and the next I knew, I was waking up in my bed, and it was over a month earlier than I thought it should be. Do you have any idea what happened?”
Sasuke drew in a shuddering breath. It was something he had thought impossible, and it had to be a fluke – he doubted he could repeat what he had done. And yet... suddenly, he was not alone.
Suddenly, something had changed.
“What you remember,” he said slowly, “did happen. But no one else remembers it... not even the world itself.”
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Re: Assorted Random Writings

Unread postby PencilMonkey » October 10th, 2014, 4:13 am

Very nice! :-) Have you read Time Braid?
Spoiler: show
Its plot is quite similar to what you've outlined, except focused on Sakura, and managed to surprise the readers several times with some neat plot twists, such as the point where it was explained what had caused the time loops - basically, it was revealed to be a stealth-crossover with another popular manga. ;-)
And similarly to what Bezzerker suggested, in Time Braid, Naruto was the only person who believed Sakura when she told him about the time loops, and provided much-needed support for her when she needed it most.
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Re: Assorted Random Writings

Unread postby Aldraia Dragonsong » October 10th, 2014, 3:15 pm

I have, in fact, as well as most of its inspiration Chunin Exam Day. The former is objectively superior to the latter, but that is not saying much, and I found its dive into eroticism really diminished its quality.
I have always been a fan of the "time loops" concept; the idea of being able to try again and again until you get something right appeals to me. In this particular instance, though, I wanted to explore the impact of seemingly not getting anywhere. When you try again and again, doing everything you can think of, and still nothing works, still you cannot seem to get it right... what does that do to your spirits?
Ending on that note would be boring, though. Enter Lee, who knows that exact feeling, that exact situation, and has worked past it. Naruto had a lot of trouble initially, yes, and is what Hinata called a "proud failure", but even he does not understand that sense of total hopelessness. For him, continuing to try always produced results of some sort; his poor Academy performance was in large part due to a strong tendency to goof off, as I understand it. Rock Lee knows the feeling of having to go a long time before you see those results. He also makes for an interesting "looper" because unlike most other characters, he cannot become more powerful in a time loop. With no ability for ninjutsu or genjutsu, his power is all physical, and that power resets with the rest of time. When the looping ends, he will be no stronger than he would have been had he never experienced the loop at all.
This story is not about people becoming absurdly powerful and beating up their foes. It is about one lonely little boy healing the scars on his heart, and learning how to live again.
As QuoteMyFoot said, "It's much better to honour Konoha by living than by dying."
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Re: Assorted Random Writings

Unread postby jgkitarel » October 11th, 2014, 8:12 am

In other words, you plan on deconstructing the Time Loop idea by showing that even when you seemingly know what you need to fix, it doesn't mean that you will be able to. Of course, the real thing that needs to be fixed might actually be something less tangible, as you hint here. At least at first. Your intent is more of a Decon-Recon Switch.

As for Lee, even if he doesn't become more powerful, it doesn't mean that he doesn't become more dangerous. While he never keeps the benefits of the physical training, it doesn't mean that he gets nothing out of all the loops. Knowing what you're capable of, what you can learn and what you can do to increase the benefits of training can somewhat close that gap. Also, as you mentioned, he's worked past consistent failure, mostly by learning that the road to success is paved with your previous failures in the first place, and also learned that it does take time to see useful results.
Also, I have to punch you, jgkitarel, because I spent a lot of time on the nanoha wiki trying to locate information on mages being trained due to being above a certain rank, only to remember and confirm that you were the one that came up with that. - Phht
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Re: Assorted Random Writings

Unread postby Aldraia Dragonsong » October 11th, 2014, 8:33 pm

Hm, interesting way of describing it. I had not thought of it like that, but you might be right. Sasuke sort of knows what he needs to fix; he needs the strength of will to overcome the Cursed Seal. What he has yet to get right is how to achieve that; namely, fixing the other things he needs to fix but does not yet realize he needs to fix.
You are correct about Lee; he will acquire knowledge, it is true. And he will not be simply a passive NPC providing support for Sasuke; Lee has his own goals and desires, and he will be doing what he can to achieve them. Like Sasuke, the goal he has had the most trouble with is social: getting Neji out of his fatalism. And also like Sasuke, it is ultimately not a task he can accomplish alone.
Now you have me debating whether it would be better to alternate between Sasuke's perspective and Lee's, or simply have Lee's efforts going on in the background. Good job, Jgkitarel, you gave me something to think about.
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Re: Assorted Random Writings

Unread postby PencilMonkey » October 13th, 2014, 5:09 am

Ending on that note would be boring, though. Enter Lee, who knows that exact feeling, that exact situation, and has worked past it. Naruto had a lot of trouble initially, yes, and is what Hinata called a "proud failure", but even he does not understand that sense of total hopelessness. For him, continuing to try always produced results of some sort; his poor Academy performance was in large part due to a strong tendency to goof off, as I understand it.
Ahem... The fact that his Academy instructors (with Iruka as a notable exception) did everything in their power to sabotage his education might have contributed to his terrible grades, in some small way. ;-)

Rock Lee and Naruto have always seemed like kindred spirits to me, TBH. They might not have suffered exactly the same set-backs, but they've both been subject to ridicule by their peers, who consider them unworthy of becoming ninja. Heck, Rock Lee might have had a massive up-hill struggle to become a capable ninja, learning enough taijutsu to compensate for his lack of chakra usage, but Naruto has been almost completely ostracized from Konoha society. At least Lee has never been treated as an utter pariah, and he was lucky enough to get a jonin-sensei that would actually teach him stuff, as opposed to Kakashi's preoccupation with reading porn, giving special solo lectures to Sasuke, and slacking off. Neji is disdainful of both Lee and Naruto, making him comparable to Sasuke; however, at least the third member of Team Gai, Tenten, doesn't use Lee as her personal punching bag, the way Sakura treats Naruto.

We never really learn much about Lee's private life in canon, do we? He might be an orphan like Naruto, but objectively speaking, it seems that Rock Lee might be slightly better off, overall. However, they've both suffered a pretty raw deal, and since it's inherently impossible to objectively measure sorrow and misery, suffice to say that they both have a pretty good understanding of the "sense of total hopelessness".
Rock Lee knows the feeling of having to go a long time before you see those results. He also makes for an interesting "looper" because unlike most other characters, he cannot become more powerful in a time loop. With no ability for ninjutsu or genjutsu, his power is all physical, and that power resets with the rest of time. When the looping ends, he will be no stronger than he would have been had he never experienced the loop at all.
It seemed like you had Sasuke as the 'original' looper in your teaser trailer snippets, and Rock Lee as the second arrival in the loop. If Lee could get Tsunade, Sakura, or another medic-nin to join the loop, somehow (or convince Sasuke to train as a medic-nin), he might be able to find a 'cure' for his underdeveloped chakra coils, given enough time in the loops. As was pointed out in Chuunin Exam Day, "even if it's a million-to-one chance, where the patient might die when the surgery fails, that could be fixed by repeating it over a million loops". It would take a buttload of time, sure, but it's doable.
You are correct about Lee; he will acquire knowledge, it is true. And he will not be simply a passive NPC providing support for Sasuke [...] Now you have me debating whether it would be better to alternate between Sasuke's perspective and Lee's, or simply have Lee's efforts going on in the background.
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Re: Assorted Random Writings

Unread postby jgkitarel » October 13th, 2014, 4:49 pm

Actually, the one most responsible for sabotaging Naruto's academy training is Naruto himself. The academy instructors being responsible for sabotaging Naruto's academy training is fanon. If anything, the only one who actually may have been involved in doing so was Mizuki.

The fic The Accidental Sensei actually takes a serious look at this and notes that it would not be limited to Naruto, or even his class (a common thing in fics), but would be a problem in the throughout academy. It also takes a look at just how Konoha's leadership would react if this was actually the case. Which is to say, they would be seriously pissed off by this fact and take steps to correct it immediately.

---

Despite the similarities between Naruto and Lee, there are some very key differences. As Aladraia points out, Naruto doesn't understand the kind of hopelessness that comes from repeated failures and nothing to show from your own efforts. Even with his failures, Naruto still managed to get something out of each failure. Lee's case is very different, as he does understand that feeling, until he found something where he could get something out of even failure. His road was actually much harder, as his own successes were brought about through a great deal more effort and time invested to even see the smallest gains.

Naruto, as is typical of most Shonen protagonists, makes massive strides in ability rather rapidly. True, it still took a lot of hard work on his part, but he rarely put in the kind of time and effort into it that Lee did unless necessary (such as the Rasengan, Rasenshuriken and Sage Training). Lee, on the other hand, puts in that kind of time and effort constantly and gets more modest results, but I think Lee is far more proud of what he has accomplished than Naruto is in his own accomplishments. Lee also started with a far greater handicap than Naruto did.
Also, I have to punch you, jgkitarel, because I spent a lot of time on the nanoha wiki trying to locate information on mages being trained due to being above a certain rank, only to remember and confirm that you were the one that came up with that. - Phht
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Re: Assorted Random Writings

Unread postby Aldraia Dragonsong » October 13th, 2014, 9:23 pm

Both instructor sabotage (other than, possibly, Mizuki, who clearly at least acted like a good teacher since Naruto trusted him) and Lee having deformed chakra coils are, in fact, fanon. I recently reread the bit where Lee's pure-taijutsu style is explained, and what Gai says is that Lee has no talent for ninjutsu and genjutsu. The handicap is not physical, but mental. Rock Lee and Naruto do have many 'kindred spirit' traits, I agree with you, but they also are not total clones of each other. For all that Naruto is treated as a 'never gives up' character... he has given up in the past. Whereas Rock Lee, no matter how much he despaired, never has. It was why Maito Gai called him a "genius of hard work".
Sasuke is indeed the original looper; as hinted in "Regret", the Sharingan's links to time and regret/guilt is my justification for the time loop. A more complete explanation will be introduced later.
I was initially planning for Sasuke to be the sole viewpoint character, so the debate is a step up for Lee. Heck, the very first spark of an idea had Sasuke as the only looper. Lee just keeps moving up in importance!
On a sidenote, that first spark of an idea came from noting that both Chunin Exam Day and Time Braid treat Sasuke as a villainous character. I wanted to try him as a good character who has made a lot of mistakes in his life but honestly wants to do better.
And since you bring up Sakura's treatment of Naruto, PencilMonkey (by the way, I sincerely appreciate your input, even if I do not always agree with it), that has been one of Sasuke's little side projects...
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Re: Assorted Random Writings

Unread postby PencilMonkey » October 14th, 2014, 7:38 am

Actually, the one most responsible for sabotaging Naruto's academy training is Naruto himself. The academy instructors being responsible for sabotaging Naruto's academy training is fanon. If anything, the only one who actually may have been involved in doing so was Mizuki.
Really? Are you sure? Darn, must be a side effect of reading too much fanfic. It seemed like such a reasonable explanation - but on the other hand, when you consider the way Naruto is consistently portrayed as a bumbling moron through-out the series, even as he progresses as a ninja and eventually gets other competent teachers, less biased in their approach... yeah, his own incompetence is probably a major factor in his lacklustre efforts. Come to think of it, some fanfics (e.g. Time Braid) tried to explain his chronic stupidity by the Fox having meddled with his nervous system, causing brain damage and giving him spaz attacks whenever it deemed it necessary.
The fic The Accidental Sensei actually takes a serious look at this and notes that it would not be limited to Naruto, or even his class (a common thing in fics), but would be a problem in the throughout academy. It also takes a look at just how Konoha's leadership would react if this was actually the case. Which is to say, they would be seriously pissed off by this fact and take steps to correct it immediately.
Iron Soul had an alternate take on this situation: Naruto ends up apprenticed to Ebisu (who's much less of a stuck-up closet pervert in this AU), and his new teacher explains that Academy students and freshly-minted genin are deliberately given sub-par training, so they can be used as cannon fodder. Later on, once they've proven their abilities and, more importantly, loyalty to Konoha, they're given better and more thorough instructions. This practice - more politically motivated than anything else - is intended to minimize the fallout from the inevitable occasional situation where a ninja goes missing-nin.
Despite the similarities between Naruto and Lee, there are some very key differences. As Aladraia points out, Naruto doesn't understand the kind of hopelessness that comes from repeated failures and nothing to show from your own efforts.
That depends on how you define "failures"; Naruto might have been better able to train and learn new ninja abilities than Lee, but it took a long time before Naruto was able to form relationships with people other than the Hokage and his ramen dealer; no matter how often Naruto tried to approach Sasuke or Sakura, he was snubbed. (And yeah, it's admittedly fairly stupid to do the exact same thing over and over, and expect a different outcome might someday occur, but that's Naruto for you.)
Naruto, as is typical of most Shonen protagonists, makes massive strides in ability rather rapidly. True, it still took a lot of hard work on his part, but he rarely put in the kind of time and effort into it that Lee did unless necessary (such as the Rasengan, Rasenshuriken and Sage Training). Lee, on the other hand, puts in that kind of time and effort constantly and gets more modest results, but I think Lee is far more proud of what he has accomplished than Naruto is in his own accomplishments.
Remember when Jiraiya was training Naruto, and trying to teach him the Rasengan? There was a scene where Jiraiya just walks off, yet again, to get plastered and grope random women, while Naruto is trying to get him to help him with the jutsu; Naruto then sees a little kid with an adult (probably a parent) who are sharing an ice cream - IIRC, it was an ice cream lolly with two sticks, the kind that's designed so you can split it down the middle and share it with someone.

Naruto looks despondent, but goes back to his training - until Jiraiya suddenly returns, ice cream lolly in hand, which he snaps in two and offers one half to Naruto.

Uzumaki might not place the same emotional impact that Lee does, regarding their respective accomplishments as ninja, but he certainly values a different kind of accomplishments.
Both instructor sabotage (other than, possibly, Mizuki, who clearly at least acted like a good teacher since Naruto trusted him) and Lee having deformed chakra coils are, in fact, fanon. I recently reread the bit where Lee's pure-taijutsu style is explained, and what Gai says is that Lee has no talent for ninjutsu and genjutsu. The handicap is not physical, but mental.
Good point! Actually, come to think of it, if Rock Lee was completely unable to mold chakra, he probably wouldn't be able to open the Eight Chakra Gates and boost his taijutsu abilities, either. Derp, derp. :-P
Rock Lee and Naruto do have many 'kindred spirit' traits, I agree with you, but they also are not total clones of each other. For all that Naruto is treated as a 'never gives up' character... he has given up in the past. Whereas Rock Lee, no matter how much he despaired, never has.
What about that time he'd had to undergo massive surgery, and Tsunade informed them that there was a 50% risk of failure, meaning that he'd never be able to function as a ninja again? Lee was fairly devastated, and it wasn't until Gai-sensei gave him some Pep-Talk-no-Jutsu with extra teeth sparkles, that Lee decided to go through with it. Lee probably came quite close to giving up, then.
I was initially planning for Sasuke to be the sole viewpoint character, so the debate is a step up for Lee. Heck, the very first spark of an idea had Sasuke as the only looper. Lee just keeps moving up in importance!
Sasuke and Lee would make an excellent duo for a "buddy movie road trip" type story, especially if Sasuke started to mellow up enough that he'd engage Lee as a person, rather than just a nuisance: Sasuke could be the snarky foil to Lee's exuberant Flames of Youth!, while Lee would provide moral support and energize the misanthropic emo-ninja.
And since you bring up Sakura's treatment of Naruto [...] that has been one of Sasuke's little side projects...
Ooh, really? Is the Last of the Uchiha going to play match-maker? :-D It would be hilarious to see a parallel of the infamous scenes where Naruto's stealth seduction mission was foiled by the spoiled milk he'd drunk earlier - except, this time, Sasuke ambushes Naruto and leaves him tied up, uses a henge to disguise himself as the Uzumaki, and then goes off to use his cunning and time-looping foreknowledge to convince Sakura that Naruto wouldn't be such a terrible date/friend/whatevs.

And then, Sasuke's plan gets ruined because Lee badgered him into having breakfast with him earlier, because Lee is currently going through a phase where he thinks that practising cooking would make him better at taijutsu ("If I can't gut one thousand fish with my bare hands, I will pound the dough to make one million bread rolls - with my ear lobes! Yosh!"). Unfortunately, Lee's cooking is a serious health hazard, and instead of dodgy milk, it might be poisonous mushrooms that gets in the way (and all the way through Sasuke's digestive tract, very quickly), this time. ;-)
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Re: Assorted Random Writings

Unread postby gman391 » October 16th, 2014, 2:00 am

Iron Soul had an alternate take on this situation: Naruto ends up apprenticed to Ebisu (who's much less of a stuck-up closet pervert in this AU), and his new teacher explains that Academy students and freshly-minted genin are deliberately given sub-par training, so they can be used as cannon fodder. Later on, once they've proven their abilities and, more importantly, loyalty to Konoha, they're given better and more thorough instructions. This practice - more politically motivated than anything else - is intended to minimize the fallout from the inevitable occasional situation where a ninja goes missing-nin.
Except that's kind of....what's the word, pants on head stupid? Yeah let's go with that. Leaving aside that Konoha rolls on the Will of Fire and giving your all for Konoha and your friends. The simple pragmatic reality is that cannon fodder ninja are pretty much worthless you can't really pin down any ninja that can treat them as canon fodder, thus the entire point of exhausting the enemy is negated entirely. Instead you're wasting what on the whole of it is a fairly limited resource for nothing beyond making things grim and edgy. That's also ignoring that if you have effective enough leadership and propaganda that your troops aren't going to go 'fuck that noise' when you're ordering them to their deaths, then you have good enough leadership and propaganda to keep them loyal.

So yeah.

Completely apropos of nothing.

I like your fic Aldraia.
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Re: Assorted Random Writings

Unread postby Aldraia Dragonsong » October 17th, 2014, 6:23 pm

The Fox messing up Naruto seems kind of ridiculous to me; why would it deliberately make its host weaker and thus more likely to die, seeing as said host would take the Kyuubi no Kitsune with him? No, Naruto's... Narutoness... has comparatively mundane explanations. His attention-seeking and general social ignorance come from not-entirely-conscious ostracization; his poor Academy performance comes from lack of trying (partly due, admittedly, to lack of sympathetic authority figures to make academic performance seem important); and his sudden leaps and bounds in ability and power come from a combination of actually putting in effort and a horde of Shadow Clones being a great way to make "just try everything until something works" an efficient strategy.
Pretty sure the surgery thing comes after the Sasuke Retrieval arc; i.e. as far as this story is concerned, it never happened.
'Buddy movie road trip' with Sasuke and Lee, eh? That does sound kind of interesting... nigh-impossible to actually make happen, but interesting. Your description sounds more like Lee and Neji, though... well, if Neji were slightly more open to Lee's undoubtedly-frequent efforts to get him to lighten up. More deadpan, less bitter hatred of the world in general and his family in particular.
... *scribbles that down as an idea for later*
Not 'matchmaker'; Sasuke has no particular interest in Naruto's (or Sakura's, for that matter) love life, nor any particular competence in that area. Instead, Sasuke's side-project is getting them to get along as friends. Help Naruto stop setting Sakura off, help Sakura see Naruto's good points as well as his bad ones.
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Re: Assorted Random Writings

Unread postby jgkitarel » October 19th, 2014, 1:38 pm

Except that's kind of....what's the word, pants on head stupid? Yeah let's go with that. Leaving aside that Konoha rolls on the Will of Fire and giving your all for Konoha and your friends. The simple pragmatic reality is that cannon fodder ninja are pretty much worthless you can't really pin down any ninja that can treat them as canon fodder, thus the entire point of exhausting the enemy is negated entirely. Instead you're wasting what on the whole of it is a fairly limited resource for nothing beyond making things grim and edgy. That's also ignoring that if you have effective enough leadership and propaganda that your troops aren't going to go 'fuck that noise' when you're ordering them to their deaths, then you have good enough leadership and propaganda to keep them loyal.
Not as stupid as you think, considering that modern militaries essentially do the same thing. The simple fact is, basic training is just that, basic. By any rational observation, compared to what someone would actually need to know, it is highly subpar in that sense. While you then go to a more advanced course right afterwards (or just simply build on that in an OSUT situation), by the time a soldier is done with his or her formal training, they really don't know as much as they should, only enough to not be a danger to themselves and their unit.

The detail a lot of fanfic writers (and it is certainly not limited to them) tend to miss is that modern soldiers (and even soldiers in the past), train constantly, even in garrison. This comes from my own experience, that if you weren't doing maintenance, you were training, even if it was something as simple as getting your squad together and going over various small skillsets which can be done with stuff readily at hand, which is quite a bit. Or, you were in the gym.

That and the main thing about training is that it is highly repetitive and thus boring to write. Doing the same things over and over again until they're second nature.
Also, I have to punch you, jgkitarel, because I spent a lot of time on the nanoha wiki trying to locate information on mages being trained due to being above a certain rank, only to remember and confirm that you were the one that came up with that. - Phht
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Re: Assorted Random Writings

Unread postby Aldraia Dragonsong » October 26th, 2014, 7:07 am

Seeing as the discussion seems to have wound down, have some more story to discuss.
Spoiler: show
The Wheel Turns (continued)

Sasuke had come to think of his situation as a wheel spinning in place – seeming to advance, yet always coming around to the exact same point. This turn of the wheel he began as was now his usual habit; he met with his teammates and tried to be slightly less standoffish than he once was, but not so much that they would be suspicious.
For a while, he had closed himself off more completely than ever, but he found the loneliness made him even more susceptible to the seal’s corruption. So he had reached out, slowly, working on the closest thing he had had to friendship in years; the closest thing he could get, trapped as he was in this strange circle of time.
At first it was still no help. The time he had was not enough to develop a true friendship and have any time left to enjoy it. But Sasuke kept trying, taking a lesson in persistence from his rival. He had managed alone for years before time twisted; he could have the patience to endure a little longer.
And his persistence paid off. As he got to know his teammates better, he became better able to creep closer more quickly without seeming unlike himself. Was it manipulative? Some might say so. But he did not feel bad about using his knowledge of his friends to give them what they wanted.
He had messed up a few times. Tipped someone off that something was up. But it never mattered, because even if he was unable to allay their suspicions, they forgot everything when the wheel returned to its beginning.
And so he learned, and in time, mastered the art of befriending Naruto and Sakura. It was a strange friendship, since they forgot it again and again while he always remembered, but it was more than nothing. He could sense Kakashi-sensei’s eye on him, and the approval therein.
He closed his eyes as he turned to go home. He knew he did not deserve that approval, or the friendships he built again and again. But he needed them, and on his better days, he thought perhaps his teammates did too.
Two main things concern me about this one: I feel like the transition from the previous section is somewhat clumsy, and I worry that it is too infodumpy. More minor a matter is trying to figure out what to do about honorifics. I hesitate to go full-out on using them, since the translations of the manga I have been reading do not, but at the same time, not using any seems off.
Random Scholomance Quote of However Long It Takes Me To Get Bored of the Last One:
“Ancell: respecting personal boundaries to the detriment of his friends since 1993.” ~bookworm702
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Re: Assorted Random Writings

Unread postby gman391 » October 26th, 2014, 7:10 am

Honestly this could probably be done in media res with Sasuke being friends with Sakura and Naruto, and him telling himself what to do to not spook them. As for honorifics...maybe just use tonal shifts? That or have him call them by their actual names, outside of certain circumstances he seems to get by with you. At least with his peers.
"My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world."
----Jack Layton
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Re: Assorted Random Writings

Unread postby Aldraia Dragonsong » October 26th, 2014, 7:12 am

Hmm, yes, that might work... will have to try it. What do you mean by "tonal shifts"?
Random Scholomance Quote of However Long It Takes Me To Get Bored of the Last One:
“Ancell: respecting personal boundaries to the detriment of his friends since 1993.” ~bookworm702
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Re: Assorted Random Writings

Unread postby gman391 » October 28th, 2014, 9:54 pm

How you say something can define what it means as an incredibly unsubtle example

"I like you" he said with a smile

"I like you" he said his face devoid of emotion.
"My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world."
----Jack Layton
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Re: Assorted Random Writings

Unread postby Aldraia Dragonsong » November 3rd, 2014, 8:49 pm

No, that... really does not address the issue. Additionally, I use those types of descriptors very frequently already; deliberately trying to use them would just make the writing seem clumsy and cluttered.
For the moment, I am going to try just using what the translation I read used. Comments on how that works will be deeply appreciated.
Speaking of which, I decided to expand out the summation from the last snippet, put in some more 'showing' to balance out the 'telling' and add more detail. Here is the first bit of that.
Spoiler: show
Rote Learning

Sasuke had come to think of his situation as a wheel spinning in place – seeming to advance, yet always coming around to the exact same point. This turn of the wheel, after excusing himself from Lee with a promise to explain in more detail later, he began as was now his usual habit: he met with his teammates and tried to be slightly less standoffish than he once was, but not so much that they would be suspicious. After all, today was the day they would be assigned to a team.
Chin resting on one hand, he half-listened as they spoke the words he had learned by rote long ago. When it was his turn to speak, he stared off into the distance as he gave his answer.
“My name is Uchiha Sasuke. I don’t have many dislikes, but there isn’t all that much I like, either... though I suppose tomatoes are one thing. Up until recently, all I wanted was to kill a certain person... but lately I’m starting to realize... that by itself, that isn’t enough.”
Naruto and Sakura’s reactions – the former confused and the latter starstruck – he had almost memorized at this point, but his teacher’s he did not expect. Startled alert by Lee’s revelation, Sasuke was paying more attention to the world around him than he had in the past several turns, and it was thus that he noticed something that had escaped him before.
Master Kakashi was surprised by Sasuke’s answer.
Only a tiny bit, and he could tell only because of the deep familiarity his situation had instilled in him. If time had gone on, he would not have been able to read his teacher’s emotions so easily. It was only the detail with which he knew this exact day, this exact meeting, that let him see it.
Had this been true back in the beginning, the first time Master Kakashi asked him this question? Sasuke struggled to think back to that time as his teacher told the three of them information he had heard more times than he could count, but he soon gave up. It had been too long ago, a conversation repeated with minor variations too many times to remember a single iteration clearly. He probably would not have been able to tell anyway. Not as a new Academy graduate without even his bloodline to aid him.
Random Scholomance Quote of However Long It Takes Me To Get Bored of the Last One:
“Ancell: respecting personal boundaries to the detriment of his friends since 1993.” ~bookworm702
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Re: Assorted Random Writings

Unread postby gman391 » November 3rd, 2014, 11:43 pm

Okay that's a lot better. It helps more to flesh out the characters I think.
"My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world."
----Jack Layton
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Re: Assorted Random Writings

Unread postby Aldraia Dragonsong » November 4th, 2014, 3:54 pm

Excellent! Let the expansion continue!
Spoiler: show
Rote Learning (continued)

Once their teacher left, he turned to look at his teammates. For a while, he had closed himself off more completely than ever, but he found the loneliness made him even more susceptible to the seal’s corruption. So he had reached out, slowly, working on the closest thing he had had to friendship in years; the closest thing he could get, trapped as he was in this strange circle of time.
So, instead of ignoring them to walk away on his own as he had that very first time, he said, “We should plan.”
“Plan?” Naruto asked blankly, the doofus. Well, he would not be Naruto if he was not a little slow on the uptake sometimes. Sasuke had learned to deal with it.
“For the test,” he clarified. “Master Kakashi said it would be difficult. So we should plan.”
“How, though?” Sakura asked. “We don’t have any idea what the test will be.”
Sasuke shrugged.
“We have some idea,” he replied. “It’s a test to become genin. So it’ll test our ability as a genin team in some way.”
Naruto flopped his head back.
“Aw, man,” he grumbled. “This sucks! We already passed the Academy, what’s the point of having two tests?”
Sasuke smiled, just the tiniest bit. Naruto always gave him the best openings.
He quickly wiped the expression from his face, and paused as if he had to think a moment.
“That’s true,” he said slowly. “What is the point?”
“Umm...” Sakura said hesitantly. “Maybe he’s... testing something the Academy didn’t?”
Sasuke nodded.
“That makes sense. What, though? Our sneakiness?”
“Maybe he’s testing our patience!” Naruto joked, popping back upright.
“Naruto, you idiot, he already did that,” Sakura groaned.
“It’s possible,” Sasuke inserted diplomatically. This was one of the hardest parts, getting Naruto and Sakura to get along better without coming off as too friendly towards Naruto. “But I think it’ll be something else. Maybe something the Academy couldn’t test. Something like... our ability to work together.”
Naruto frowned.
“So, what, he’ll try to split us up?”
“Probably. But also he’ll try to set us against each other. Make the test some kind of competition, but one we can’t win by ourselves.”
“But how are we supposed to plan for it without knowing what it will be?” Sakura demanded.
Sasuke smirked.
“Well, I have a few ideas for that...”
Random Scholomance Quote of However Long It Takes Me To Get Bored of the Last One:
“Ancell: respecting personal boundaries to the detriment of his friends since 1993.” ~bookworm702
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Re: Assorted Random Writings

Unread postby gman391 » November 6th, 2014, 5:25 am

Okay I laughed at Sasuke playing them like that, rather surprised that he doesn't feel a little angst over manipulating them so easily, but then Sasuke.
"My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world."
----Jack Layton
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Re: Assorted Random Writings

Unread postby Aldraia Dragonsong » November 6th, 2014, 10:06 am

I actually addressed that topic in the original version of this section, when it was part of "The Wheel Turns" rather than being separate as "Rote Learning".
As he got to know his teammates better, he became better able to creep closer more quickly without seeming unlike himself. Was it manipulative? Some might say so. But he did not feel bad about using his knowledge of his friends to give them what they wanted.
It has not yet come up in this rewritten version, but I plan to discuss the issue very soon. Sasuke has had a long time to think about this, and while he has had his periods of angst (and will again), he has ultimately come to terms with many of his decisions. His ninja upbringing also plays a part, in that he has likely never considered manipulation to be universally wrong. Beneath him, perhaps; unpleasant, occasionally; undesirable, sometimes; but not unquestionably, absolutely, always wrong. Still, he is not without guilt and doubt...
He could sense Kakashi-sensei’s eye on him, and the approval therein.
He closed his eyes as he turned to go home. He knew he did not deserve that approval, or the friendships he built again and again. But he needed them, and on his better days, he thought perhaps his teammates did too.
Random Scholomance Quote of However Long It Takes Me To Get Bored of the Last One:
“Ancell: respecting personal boundaries to the detriment of his friends since 1993.” ~bookworm702
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