Darkandus requests criticism

[Darkandus]

I don't mind.

[Darkandus]

Ugh, must begin writing this again.

Here's what I have of the second chapter so far, if you can bother to read it I'd be intrested in what you think or any problems you spot. Bear in mind it's not even half finished yet.

Spoiler: show

It was a cloudy night as a slight breeze whispered through a sizable grove of thin grey trees. They were unusual in Fire Country which was justly famed for the truly massive trees that covered the country from one end to the other. These trees were survivors of a time before the Shodai’s rise to power as the first Hokage, spared only due to their location on a large mountain. A slow grinding and the occasional crash of a tree falling was the only sound to accompany the soft murmurs of leaves in the wind. Even though it was one of the last viable habitats for many of the original native creatures of Fire Country no animal was brave enough to venture up this particular mountain.

The remnants of the Kyuubi such as they were, transparent and wraithlike and in great pain and confusion, dragged itself ever closer to the massive entrance to a cave. A trail of destruction in its wake as it hauled itself to the seat of its power. If It could just reach the entrance the pain would stop, It would have time to think, time to decide how to destroy whatever had done this to the force of Nature known as Kyuubi. Ambient wisps of blood red chakra floated gently out of the cave as the beast drew closer, strengthening It’s wavering resolve. Bolstered, the creature redoubled it’s efforts until finally reaching the edge of the cave.

Now, with barely enough energy to stand it nuzzled against the walls desperately, dragging itself against the rock face and absorbing the Chakra in great strands which turned to streams and finally torrents. Red light shone in every crack and crevice as the corrosive energy was dragged from the walls. The light flooded through the massive cave from one end to the other, shaking rocks loose and causing several thundering cave ins further along in the deep tunnels. The flowing power increasing in pace with it’s returning strength. The Chakra flow abruptly stopped without warning, plunging the Cave into twilight, barely lit by the renewed form of the Kyuubi, now solid.

It didn’t know how to react, who to blame, who to kill. It was just so confusing, so it settled on something it definitely did know. It was small. Really small. Barely a third of it’s original size. It did the only thing it could do. It exploded into a rage, the rock surrounding it instantly melted, glowing white hot, as the stalactites closest to it dripped in large molten chunks to the ground. Someone was going to die for this, they were going to die.

It began furiously ripping through and seizing on jumbled and confused memories.

‘The Sage of the Six Paths? No. He has been dead for centuries. The Hachibi? No. The Shodaime? No. The Uchi- THE UCHIHA! THE UCHIHA AND THEIR THRICE DAMNED MANGEKYO SHARINGAN!’

In a rage it trashed around , lashing massive gouges into the side of the cave. After a few moments the Kyuubi forced itself to be calm, to think. But it was still confused and angry, so very angry.

‘But that wouldn’t be enough, not even the Sharingan could steal Chakra. What happened? The Madara appeared and then…then…caught me in an illusion? Yes, caught me in an illusion, made me angry, made me FURIOUS! And I…I…rampaged? Yes, I rampaged to that pathetic Human settlement with their so called warriors. And then what?’

The Kyuubi brought one of its paws to its head. It still hurt. It hurt so much.

‘There was….a frog, or a Toad, or something. And I managed to calm down enough to compress my chakra down to destroy it…but I…left myself open? And…it forced my mouth shut! Yes, with it’s blade! But, even if that made me blow apart why did I not reform fully? The Hachibi blew a leg off with a lucky shot before and I reformed perfectly then.’

A constant agonising throb raced through It’s head again and again, Kyuubi curled up into a ball wrapping it’s tails around itself and clutching it’s head.

‘The damn Mangekyo, it’s still affecting me! The Madara is going to die for this! Hells! The entire UCHIHA WILL DIE FOR THIS! Argh! It hurts…’

The Kyuubi curled up tighter still.
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Orochimaru closed the door behind him as he walked into the night. He had to hurry, the village would be waking up soon, and he had to get out by then, especially in his current state after his visit with Jiraiya.

His destiny awaited him in the Forest of Death after all, and he couldn’t afford to be spotted before he had finished.

The streets of Konoha were dark, lit solely by the dim light of the moon. The only people awake at this time were the Anbu and the Military Police. Failure was not an option.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kushina pored over the maps Jiraiya had supplied her with. Somehow the wily bastard had kept tabs on dozens of ex Uzu nin and even managed to mark down half a dozen suitable places for a village. But none of them were good enough. None of them were right! She flung the half rolled up map as hard as she could, disgust curling her lip, before hearing a strangled cry. Looking up suddenly with Kunai in hand she realised the metal pole the map was wrapped around was stuck halfway through the open door, Yuugao’s now bone white face peering around the corner.

“I…I’ll come back later Kushina-Sama.”

Her whisper barely reached Kushina’s ears as the woman berated herself. Both for not noticing the door was opening and for not managing to put the scroll through the door, although it was probably better that she didn’t in this particular case. Amazingly Naruto just continued to wiggle around in his padded basket, burbling and smiling.

“Stop. You’re here now. What is it.”

Yuugao’s eyes darted right and left, looking for an escape, just as it was taken away from her.

“Close the door and tell me what you want.”

Kushina’s voice was cold and unforgiving, her pent up emotions and frustration carefully suppressed but still apparent.

Yuugao closed the door softly before staring at the rod for a second. She looked fearfully up at Kushina as she shifted from foot to foot. Ibiki’s warnings continuously flashing through her mind.

“I think I may have cracked a rib.

“How?”

The girl looked to the side before speaking,

“Em, Anko.”

Kushinas jaw clenched, Yuugao could have truthfully swore she heard teeth cracking.

“Fighting at such a time is completely irresponsible-”

“WAIT! Wait! We weren’t fighting, it was an accident!”

The fear in the girls eyes took Kushina aback. What the hell was she doing?! She knew this girl, and instead of helping her she was interrogating her? She sighed to herself, everything was wrong, everything was falling to pieces, she had to control herself, pretend that everything was o.k.

“Forget about it, come over here and take your Flak jacket off. Your favouring your right side and keeping your arm raised so I’d say she managed to break one under your armpit.”

The girl hesitantly walked over to the desk, sitting down on the edge of it when Kushina motioned with her hand. As she sat Yuugao took off her Chuunin vest before removing her top and delicately rolling up her plain t-shirt and Ninja mesh, showing a clear angry and swollen mark a few inches below her armpit.

“Relax for a second, I’m not the best at scanning techniques so I’m going to have to feel for the break myself. Tell me where it hurts most.”

Kushina pushed the fingers a few centimetres into the swollen area and slowly moved across the bruise. Stopping at Yuugao’s sudden sharp cry.

“Well I suppose that’s as good a way to tell me as any, eh?”

The lame attempt at humor was met only by tears and a slight whimper, curious Kushina decided to question the girl.

“Have you never had a broken bone before or something? This is a pretty small break.”

“Low pain threshold. It’s why I’m a Tracker. I don’t really do much fighting. I just guide the people who do.”

“I see, we‘ll have to work on that. I won‘t have anyone on my team that can‘t fight.”

Yuugao leapt in surprise as, without warning, Kushina jabbed her fingers in, pushing the bone back into position. Yuugao’s back arched in agony as she pounded the table with her fist, skinning her knuckles as the thick wood finally cracked as she put her fist through it. Only then did she manage a blood curdling shriek.

“Well that must not have been fun.”

Pounding feet approached from both ends of the corridor before the door burst open. Genma barrelled through first followed closely by Anko and finally Ibiki who seemingly was the only one to actually have the intelligence to look into the room before entering. Yuugao locked eyes with Ibiki before letting out a pitiful moan.

“You said she could set bones with Chakra.”

There was complete and utter silence for a few moments, until Anko burst into resounding peals of laughter. Genma left shortly afterwards, with a role of his eyes, complaining about “getting worried over nothing.” Ibiki simply smirked before dragging Anko away with him, stopping briefly to admire the map impaled through the door.

Kushina grimaced at the hole in the table before covering it with a paperweight. Noting that Ibiki had scanned the map when he had the chance. He certainly was a clever one.

“Ibiki is right about me being able to set bones with Chakra. They just have to be in the right position first. I kinda suck at the medical arts.”

Grabbing a handkerchief, she dabbed at Yuugao’s tear stained, pale face. She smirked slightly when Yuugao snatched it out of her hand, getting blood on it as it rubbed off her knuckles

“I’m not going to heal your hand for you, idiot, who punches a table? What a waste.”

An uncomfortable silence set in as Yuugao stared at the wall. Seemingly thinking. After a few moments she began to talk, running a finger over small, charred, multicoloured stones sewn into her flack jacket, she nodded after touching each one and when seemingly satisfied she finally spoke.

“Mr. Blue Sky? Seriously?”

Kushina couldn’t resist cupping her face in one of her hands.

“Don’t remind me. He always came up with the worst passwords ever.”

Yuugao snorted.

“You don’t have to tell me, I knew him for long enough.”
Kushina smiled wistfully as Yuugao turned to face her.

“Your not alone Kushina Sama. We all lost people. You can’t just hole up in here alone with little Naruto forever.”

Kushina’s response was clipped as her face became blank.

“Of course I can‘t. We are moving out tomorrow. Heading east.”

Yuugao sighed in exasperation.

“You know that’s not what I mean Kushina Sama. What’s east anyway? Wave?”

“Yes, but that’s only a stop on the way, we are heading out to sea.”

Yuugao didn’t bother trying to call her on ignoring the first part of her sentence. Baby steps.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sarutobi Hiruzen was exhausted. Mentally and physically. He was meant to be retired, he was meant to be entering his golden years, he was meant to be re-establishing ties with Asuma. Then he had this ‘Honour’ trust upon him again, and he could feel it crushing him as he stared at his desk, head in hands.

“I can’t be the same kind of Hokage I was before. I can’t be the leader who always knows best, not anymore.”

A snort of disgust made him realise he wasn’t alone in the office, Snapping his head up he spotted Tsunade closing the door behind her.

“If you can’t even hear me opening a door anymore you should be in an old folks home bouncing grandchildren on your knee with all the other Dotards.”

Smiling thinly he gestured at a chair with his pipe.

“I would be careful with those insults Tsunade, despite that silly Genjutsu of yours you are already in the Autumn of your life. Where is little Shisune If I may ask?”

“Little? You really are a Dotard. She is sixteen Old man.”

“Hmph, she is little to me, Tsunade. And show some respect.”

He reached for his pipe before it was snatched by Tsunade.

“Not in my presence, this stuff destroys lungs. It will be the death of you.”

Tsunade’s comment broke through Sarutobi’s already frayed patience.

“Says the raging Alcoholic, how is your liver? Gone on vacation I presume?”

“Now you listen here old man! I came here to save the people too stupid to leave this shithole. I didn’t come for you to throw my medical knowledge back in my face.”

Sarutobi sighed in annoyance. Mostly at himself. Here he was barely back in the chair and he was reduced to lashing out childishly at minor annoyances. He already regretted saying something so stupid.

“I am sorry Tsunade, but I am under a lot of pressure and your hatred is not helping.”

Tsunade sneered in response.

“So you can’t be the ‘all knowing leader’ anymore. So what? Play to your new strengths. Play up the doting Grandfather bit. You’re certainly decrepit enough to pull it off.”

Sarutobi once again sighed in annoyance.

“Once your done in the hospital I need you to look at Orochimaru.”

“What’s wrong with your favourite, old man?”

Sarutobi fixed on a concerned mask. Some of the information he was going to feed her would be lies, and she was always an expert at picking up on such things. It would help that it was mostly truth, and he was genuinely concerned.

“His mind. He’s been becoming more and more eccentric, his experiments are becoming more and more dangerous, more and more fatal to his subjects. He has become obsessed and he is getting dangerously close to breaking the law, I hear he has been attempting to create bio weapons out of the creatures in the Forest of Death. But that’s not all, recently his Student, Anko, died.

Tsunade’s expression was incredulous.

“Mental health? Firstly, that Snake in the grass bastard needs more than a quick look at his mind if he‘s been making monsters out of those freaks of nature in the Forest of Death, secondly I’m a Doctor, not a Psychologist. Have a Yamanaka search the bastards mind.”

“I can’t, they are more often seen as interrogators than psychologists, with the way things are going he might take it the wrong way. That can’t be allowed to happen, besides, he trusts you.”

Tsunade rose to her feet in a rage, slamming her palms down on the table.

“TRUSTS ME?! THAT HEARTLESS FUCK CAN BURN IN HELL FOR ALL I CARE!”

Sarutobi stood up, leaning forward, before staring her straight in the eyes. His voice was but a whisper, forcing Tsunade to pay attention.

“Despite what you want to believe you are better than this. You may hate Orochimaru all you like but you are a Shinobi of Konoha. I granted you leave to give you time to gather your thoughts and recover, but instead I see that you have chosen to wallow in your own hatred and despair. Now Orochimaru, your team-mate needs your help. If you turn your back on him when he needs your help all you will be doing is throwing everything Nawaki and Dan believed in away. Help him with his loss, and maybe you can help yourself.”

Tsunade voice cracked with emotion when she finally responded.

“Why do I have to be the bigger person?”

Sarutobi sat back down in his chair.

“Because it would make Dan and Nawaki proud.”

Tsunade turned away abruptly, striding to the door.

“Fine. I’ll do this. But afterward I am gone. And no-one you send will-”

“RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!”

“What in Kami’s name!”

An Anbu burst through the door with enough force to knock them off their hinges.

“HOKAGE SAMA! THE FOREST OF DEATH IS ON FIRE! OROCHIMARU SAMA HAS GONE BERSERK!

[Tempest Kitsune]

Some very interesting developments here. Looks alright to me though.

[Darkandus]

Right, I've got it expanded and have fixed some bits but overall I'm just not happy with the latter half. Tell me what you guys think.

Spoiler: show

Rebirth of a heritage ch 2

It was a cloudy night as a slight breeze whispered through a sizable grove of thin grey trees. They were unusual in Fire Country which was justly famed for the truly massive trees that covered the country from one end to the other. These trees were survivors of a time before the Shodai’s rise to power as the first Hokage, spared only due to their location on a large mountain. A slow grinding and the occasional crash of a tree falling was the only sound to accompany the soft murmurs of leaves in the wind. Even though it was one of the last viable habitats for many of the original native creatures of Fire Country no animal was brave enough to venture up this particular mountain.

The remnants of the Kyuubi such as they were, transparent and wraithlike and in great pain and confusion, dragged itself ever closer to the massive entrance to a cave. A trail of destruction in its wake as it hauled itself to the seat of its power. If It could just reach the entrance the pain would stop, It would have time to think, time to decide how to destroy whatever had done this to the force of Nature known as Kyuubi. Ambient wisps of blood red chakra floated gently out of the cave as the beast drew closer, strengthening It’s wavering resolve. Bolstered, the creature redoubled it’s efforts until finally reaching the edge of the cave.

Now, with barely enough energy to stand it nuzzled against the walls desperately, dragging itself against the rock face and absorbing the Chakra in great strands which turned to streams and finally torrents. Red light shone in every crack and crevice as the corrosive energy was dragged from the walls. The light flooded through the massive cave from one end to the other, shaking rocks loose and causing several thundering cave ins further along in the deep tunnels. The flowing power increasing in pace with it’s returning strength. The Chakra flow abruptly stopped without warning, plunging the Cave into twilight, barely lit by the renewed form of the Kyuubi, now solid.

It didn’t know how to react, who to blame, who to kill. It was just so confusing, so it settled on something it definitely did know. It was small. Really small. Barely a third of it’s original size. It did the only thing it could do. It exploded into a rage, the rock surrounding it instantly melted, glowing white hot, as the stalactites closest to it dripped in large molten chunks to the ground. Someone was going to die for this, they were going to die.

It began furiously ripping through and seizing on jumbled and confused memories.

‘The Sage of the Six Paths? No. He has been dead for centuries. The Hachibi? No. The Shodaime? No. The Uchi- THE UCHIHA! THE UCHIHA AND THEIR THRICE DAMNED MANGEKYO SHARINGAN!’

In a rage it trashed around , lashing massive gouges into the side of the cave. After a few moments the Kyuubi forced itself to be calm, to think. But it was still confused and angry, so very angry.

‘But that wouldn’t be enough, not even the Sharingan could steal Chakra. What happened? The Madara appeared and then…then…caught me in an illusion? Yes, caught me in an illusion, made me angry, made me FURIOUS! And I…I…rampaged? Yes, I rampaged to that pathetic Human settlement with their so called warriors. And then what?’

The Kyuubi brought one of its paws to its head. It still hurt. It hurt so much.

‘There was….a frog, or a Toad, or something. And I managed to calm down enough to compress my chakra down to destroy it…but I…left myself open? And…it forced my mouth shut! Yes, with it’s blade! But, even if that made me blow apart why did I not reform fully? The Hachibi blew a leg off with a lucky shot before and I reformed perfectly then.’

A constant agonising throb raced through It’s head again and again, Kyuubi curled up into a ball wrapping it’s tails around itself and clutching it’s head.

‘The damn Mangekyo, it’s still affecting me! The Madara is going to die for this! Hells! The entire UCHIHA WILL DIE FOR THIS! Argh! It hurts…’

The Kyuubi curled up tighter still.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Orochimaru closed the door behind him as he walked into the night. He had to hurry, the village would be waking up soon, and he had to get out by then, especially in his current state after his visit with Jiraiya.

His destiny awaited him in the Forest of Death after all, and he couldn’t afford to be spotted before he had finished.

The streets of Konoha were dark, lit solely by the dim light of the moon. The only people awake at this time were the Anbu and the Military Police. Failure was not an option.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kushina pored over the maps Jiraiya had supplied her with. Somehow the wily bastard had kept tabs on dozens of ex Uzu nin and even managed to mark down half a dozen suitable places for a village. But none of them were good enough. None of them were right! She flung the half rolled up map as hard as she could, disgust curling her lip, before hearing a strangled cry. Looking up suddenly with Kunai in hand she realised the metal pole the map was wrapped around was stuck halfway through the open door, Yuugao’s now bone white face peering around the corner.

“I…I’ll come back later Kushina-Sama.”

Her whisper barely reached Kushina’s ears as the woman berated herself. Both for not noticing the door was opening and for not managing to put the scroll through the door, although it was probably better that she didn’t in this particular case. Amazingly Naruto just continued to wiggle around in his padded basket, burbling and smiling.

“Stop. You’re here now. What is it.”

Yuugao’s eyes darted right and left, looking for an escape, just as it was taken away from her.

“Close the door and tell me what you want.”

Kushina’s voice was cold and unforgiving, her pent up emotions and frustration carefully suppressed but still apparent.

Yuugao closed the door softly before staring at the rod for a second. She looked fearfully up at Kushina as she shifted from foot to foot. Ibiki’s warnings continuously flashing through her mind.

“I think I may have cracked a rib.

“How?”

The girl looked to the side before speaking,

“Em, Anko.”

Kushinas jaw clenched, Yuugao could have truthfully swore she heard teeth cracking.

“Fighting at such a time is completely irresponsible-”

“WAIT! Wait! We weren’t fighting, it was an accident!”

The fear in the girls eyes took Kushina aback. What the hell was she doing?! She knew this girl, and instead of helping her she was interrogating her? She sighed to herself, everything was wrong, everything was falling to pieces, she had to control herself, pretend that everything was o.k.

“Forget about it, come over here and take your Flak jacket off. Your favouring your right side and keeping your arm raised so I’d say she managed to break one under your armpit.”

The girl hesitantly walked over to the desk, sitting down on the edge of it when Kushina motioned with her hand. As she sat Yuugao took off her Chuunin vest before removing her top and delicately rolling up her plain t-shirt and Ninja mesh, showing a clear angry and swollen mark a few inches below her armpit.

“Relax for a second, I’m not the best at scanning techniques so I’m going to have to feel for the break myself. Tell me where it hurts most.”

Kushina pushed the fingers a few centimetres into the swollen area and slowly moved across the bruise. Stopping at Yuugao’s sudden sharp cry.

“Well I suppose that’s as good a way to tell me as any, eh?”

The lame attempt at humor was met only by tears and a slight whimper, curious Kushina decided to question the girl.

“Have you never had a broken bone before or something? This is a pretty small break.”

“Low pain threshold. It’s why I’m a Tracker. I don’t really do much fighting. I just guide the people who do.”

“I see, we‘ll have to work on that. I won‘t have anyone on my team that can‘t fight.”

Yuugao leapt in surprise as, without warning, Kushina jabbed her fingers in, pushing the bone back into position. Yuugao’s back arched in agony as she pounded the table with her fist, skinning her knuckles as the thick wood finally cracked as she put her fist through it. Only then did she manage a blood curdling shriek.

“Well that must not have been fun.”

Pounding feet approached from both ends of the corridor before the door burst open. Genma barrelled through first followed closely by Anko and finally Ibiki who seemingly was the only one to actually have the intelligence to look into the room before entering. Yuugao locked eyes with Ibiki before letting out a pitiful moan.

“You said she could set bones with Chakra.”

There was complete and utter silence for a few moments, until Anko burst into resounding peals of laughter. Genma left shortly afterwards, with a role of his eyes, complaining about “getting worried over nothing.” Ibiki simply smirked before dragging Anko away with him, stopping briefly to admire the map impaled through the door.

Kushina grimaced at the hole in the table before covering it with a paperweight. Noting that Ibiki had scanned the map when he had the chance. He certainly was a clever one.

“Ibiki is right about me being able to set bones with Chakra. They just have to be in the right position first. I kinda suck at the medical arts.”

Grabbing a handkerchief, she dabbed at Yuugao’s tear stained, pale face. She smirked slightly when Yuugao snatched it out of her hand, getting blood on it as it rubbed off her knuckles

“I’m not going to heal your hand for you, idiot, who punches a table? What a waste.”

An uncomfortable silence set in as Yuugao stared at the wall. Seemingly thinking. After a few moments she began to talk, running a finger over small, charred, multicoloured stones sewn into her flack jacket, she nodded after touching each one and when seemingly satisfied she finally spoke.

“Mr. Blue Sky? Seriously?”

Kushina couldn’t resist cupping her face in one of her hands.

“Don’t remind me. He always came up with the worst passwords ever.”

Yuugao snorted.

“You don’t have to tell me, I knew him for long enough.”
Kushina smiled wistfully as Yuugao turned to face her.

“Your not alone Kushina Sama. We all lost people. You can’t just hole up in here alone with little Naruto forever.”

Kushina’s response was clipped as her face became blank.

“Of course I can‘t. We are moving out tomorrow. Heading east.”

Yuugao sighed in exasperation.

“You know that’s not what I mean Kushina Sama. What’s east anyway? Wave?”

“Yes, but that’s only a stop on the way, we are heading out to sea.”

Yuugao didn’t bother trying to call her on ignoring the first part of her sentence. Baby steps.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sarutobi Hiruzen was exhausted. Mentally and physically. He was meant to be retired, he was meant to be entering his golden years, he was meant to be re-establishing ties with Asuma. Then he had this ‘Honour’ trust upon him again, and he could feel it crushing him as he stared at his desk, head in hands.

“I can’t be the same kind of Hokage I was before. I can’t be the leader who always knows best, not anymore.”

A snort of disgust made him realise he wasn’t alone in the office, Snapping his head up he spotted Tsunade closing the door behind her.

“If you can’t even hear me opening a door anymore you should be in an old folks home bouncing grandchildren on your knee with all the other Dotards.”

Smiling thinly he gestured at a chair with his pipe.

“I would be careful with those insults Tsunade, despite that silly Genjutsu of yours you are already in the Autumn of your life. Where is little Shisune If I may ask?”

“Little? You really are a Dotard. She is sixteen Old man.”

“Hmph, she is little to me, Tsunade. And show some respect.”

He reached for his pipe before it was snatched by Tsunade.

“Not in my presence, this stuff destroys lungs. It will be the death of you.”

Tsunade’s comment broke through Sarutobi’s already frayed patience.

“Says the raging Alcoholic, how is your liver? Gone on vacation I presume?”

“Now you listen here old man! I came here to save the people too stupid to leave this shithole. I didn’t come for you to throw my medical knowledge back in my face.”

Sarutobi sighed in annoyance. Mostly at himself. Here he was barely back in the chair and he was reduced to lashing out childishly at minor annoyances. He already regretted saying something so stupid.

“I am sorry Tsunade, but I am under a lot of pressure and your hatred is not helping.”

Tsunade sneered in response.

“So you can’t be the ‘all knowing leader’ anymore. So what? Play to your new strengths. Play up the doting Grandfather bit. You’re certainly decrepit enough to pull it off.”

Sarutobi once again sighed in annoyance.

“Once your done in the hospital I need you to look at Orochimaru.”

“What’s wrong with your favourite, old man?”

Sarutobi fixed on a concerned mask. Some of the information he was going to feed her would be lies, and she was always an expert at picking up on such things. It would help that it was mostly truth, and he was genuinely concerned.

“His mind. He’s been becoming more and more eccentric, his experiments are becoming more and more dangerous, more and more fatal to his subjects. He has become obsessed and he is getting dangerously close to breaking the law, I hear he has been attempting to create bio weapons out of the creatures in the Forest of Death. But that’s not all, recently his Student, Anko, died.

Tsunade’s expression was incredulous.

“MENTAL HEALTH?! Firstly, that Snake in the grass bastard needs more than a quick look at his mind if he‘s been making monsters out of those freaks of nature in the Forest of Death, secondly I’m a Doctor, not a Psychologist. Have a Yamanaka search the bastards mind.”

“I can’t, they are more often seen as interrogators than psychologists, with the way things are going he might take it the wrong way. That can’t be allowed to happen, besides, he trusts you.”

Tsunade rose to her feet in a rage, slamming her palms down on the table.

“TRUSTS ME?! THAT HEARTLESS FUCK CAN BURN IN HELL FOR ALL I CARE!”

Sarutobi stood up, leaning forward, before staring her straight in the eyes. His voice was but a whisper, forcing Tsunade to pay attention.

“Despite what you want to believe you are better than this. You may hate Orochimaru all you like but you are a Shinobi of Konoha. I granted you leave to give you time to gather your thoughts and recover, but instead I see that you have chosen to wallow in your own hatred and despair. Now Orochimaru, your team-mate needs your help. If you turn your back on him when he needs your help all you will be doing is throwing everything Nawaki and Dan believed in away. Help him with his loss, and maybe you can help yourself.”

Tsunade voice cracked with emotion when she finally responded.

“Why do I have to be the bigger person?”

Sarutobi sat back down in his chair.

“Because it would make Dan and Nawaki proud.”

Tsunade turned away abruptly, striding to the door.

“Fine. I’ll do this. But afterward I am gone. And no-one you send will-”

“RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!”

“What in Kami’s name!”

An Anbu burst through the door with enough force to knock them off their hinges.

“HOKAGE SAMA! THE FOREST OF DEATH IS ON FIRE! OROCHIMARU SAMA HAS GONE BERSERK!”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kushina strapped Naruto to her back as she cursed her lack of ability with seals. That small scribble of Jiraiya’s had been more than useful and she was going to regret not having it for the rest of this supposed jaunt. Babies don’t know the meaning of stealth after all.

With a sigh she rolled up the map on the table Tenzo had helpfully replaced the broken one with. A hole in the table would have tipped off any Konoha nin that someone had been there. Needless to say they didn’t need any kind of attention right now.

She quickly went through a mental checklist of all the minutiae needed to make sure that they were ready and anyone who looked would never know they had been here. Now she just had to make sure everyone was ready.

Walking over to the door she brought her hand up to handle before pausing for a moment. An unaccountable feeling of nervousness overcoming her. She found herself staring into the distance, her eyes becoming unfocused as she broke into a sweat.

She briefly entertained the fact that Yuugao was right, she had isolated herself and now she was paying the consequences. Her heart rate accelerated painfully as she realised that this room had served as a sanctuary where she had been able to focus on making plans and shutting out everything else. Shutting out everything that had happened.

Her eyes were burning.

Her chest hurt.

She couldn’t breath.

The world was pressing down on her.

She wasn’t, couldn’t be ready for this.

Once this door opened she had to face the truth again. Minato was gone, Konoha wasn’t her home anymore. She didn’t know if her friends back there were alive or dead. And she was taking Naruto on an insane mission to rebuild Uzu from the ashes of the Third Mizukages insanity.

She stood there for a moment as her bottom lip quivered, and instead of opening the door she simply walked through it. Fragments of wood exploded outwards with a crack, crunching underfoot as she walked down the hall, Naruto giggling on her back.

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Tenzo waited silently off to the side as the rest of the six interacted quietly in their own little groupings, Anko and Ibiki flirting playfully with one another, Yuugao humming to herself while smiling at Genma and Hayate who were apparently discussing the finer points of dance moves. Hayate briefly breaking into a very ridged stance as he made precisely calculated movements with his waist and arms and head, Genma almost instantly seized Hayate’s forearms, blushing madly and telling him to stop “for the love of all the Gods!”

Tenzo felt a brief…something, stir in his chest as he saw this interaction. He was ten years old and already an Anbu, albeit as a Chuunin.

Many civilians in Konoha saw the Anbu as some kind of Elite, where only the best of the best gained access to. That was, for lack of a better term, complete bullshit. Anbu was for two kinds of people. Those who were unwanted, and those who only desired death.

He himself did not desire death. As such this situation had him terrified. Here he was, out in the sticks with a group of people he didn’t know, a mentally unbalanced leader, and the Kyuubi. He wasn’t stupid. He knew the baby wasn’t the Kyuubi, but damn it. The Goddamned Kyuubi, destroyer of mountains, eraser of civilisations, was in a week old baby inside a building not a hundred feet away. Was it not entirely reasonable to be crapping bricks?

Sighing to himself he forced his thoughts back to their original path, the fact that he didn’t know how to act around these people. Anko and Ibiki were playful, Yuugao was high strung, Genma was snarky, Kushina was insane and Hayate, well, Hayate was freaky.

Coughing one second, break dancing the next, literally break dancing, he was spinning on his head for the love…

He sighed before rubbing his eyes. Sleep deprivation was really getting to him. Damn worrying about the Kyuubi, and his insane boss, and the weirdos he doesn’t know how to relate to. Why couldn’t they all have been Anbu, faceless, waiting for death and not having to worry about anything except your next pointless suicide mission.

‘Here comes Kushina-Sama , is her nose bleeding?’

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Kushina walked out into the sunlight while holding a tissue up to her nose to soak up the blood of her rather ill thought out action. Still, her bout of fear was as shattered as the door she left in her path.

‘Door didn’t know what hit it, heh, still got it…is Hayate break dancing?’

Shrugging mentally she slapped on an obviously fake reassuring smile as everyone in the clearing snapped to attention.

“Briefing time everyone, we are going to Wave, followed by a boat trip out to the Akumu Islands, where we will find the Akumu clan, questions?”

“Ahem.”

“Yes Ibiki-san?”

“Who are the Akumu?”

Kushinas face split into a smug grin.

“Your worst Nightmare.”

Suffice to say nobody liked the sound of that.

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Travelling through Fire country Ibiki couldn’t help going over and over the Information the group had been given after Kushina-Sama had her cheap laugh with the pun. Overall his first impression was that this was a Bad Idea, with a side helping of Oh Fuck, What Are We Doing?

“The Akumu Clan used to be an Uzu clan but were convinced to leave by my Father rather than kill the leader of Uzu. They hated the leader at the time, and you don’t know fear until you are hated by the Akumu. If they hadn’t left it would have caused a Civil war, but my Father was next in line for leadership, and he promised them a place when he took over, unfortunately that never happened because of Mizu.”

She spat at the name, her hatred of the Third Mizukage was well known. The man had destroyed her home after all.

“They are split into two families, Main and Branch, depending on how their bloodline limit manifests.”

“Bloodline Limit?” Anko asked curiously, not surprising considering her teachers interest in biology.

“Yes, the Nenten. It is called such because of it’s…drawbacks. Branch members can use no outer manifestations of Chakra. They can only augment their own abilities. Another problem is every single member of the Akumu clan is completely and irrevocably insane. And it’s even worse for the Branch members, as not only are their minds twisted, but their bodies are too. They are monsters.”

“Monsters?”

“Well, monsters insofar as they are not Human. You see, the Twisting manifests in every member of the clan at the age of three, at that point they are already insane from living with their clan, but at the exact moment of manifestation their mind truly shatters. At that very second their chakra twists inside of them, mutating their body, and they have to guide it. If they can control it they become Main family, if they can’t they become Branch Family. That is also the reason Branch Family members can’t use outer manifestations of Chakra, their Coils twist in such a way as that they have no tenketsu.”

“So, what are the Benefits?”

“It depends on the branch. One thing is consistent between both branches, their spinal protrusions. Fully articulated extra limbs, more flexible than a snake, and potentially far more deadly, some members have spikes, some have blades, some have simple clubs, hell, some of them are indistinguishable from a tentacle, which funnily enough seems to have caused equal amounts of repulsion and…attraction from outsiders.”

The younger members of the group giggled at that, causing the older members to start rolling their eyes.

“It apparently varies due to a number of factors but I couldn’t tell you. One thing is certain though, getting caught by any variation of them is, inadvisable.”

“How many do they have?”

“It varies, branch members tend to have more, but branch members also tend to be huge when fully grown anyway, between six and eleven feet tall for females and seven to fifteen foot tall for males so they have more room.”

Everyone stared at her incredulously after that little tidbit.

After a few seconds Kushina cleared her throat loudly to garner the groups attention, Tenzo fielded the next question. “What other effects?”

“Lets see, their organs aren’t the same as humans, almost all physiology lessons you have don’t apply to them. And that goes double for the Branch. Genjutsu that rely on pain, discomfort or emotions either won’t work or will have reduced effect, mainly because they don’t think or feel like normal humans. Also, here is one thing you must always realise with them, they may seem odd, or quirky, or even just creepy but they are always, always dangerous. For one they do not possess a normal moral compass, they literally think nothing of inflicting death on people they don’t know who might pose a threat to their current objectives. Regardless of age or gender. And they will usually only pause for a second to warn people they do know.

In a way the branch family is even worse in this regard. Let’s say for instance a normal person came across a brutalised child or woman, they would feel outrage and possibly kill the perpetrator or alert the authorities. A Main Family member of the Akumu who tended towards the good side of their moral compass would feel mild disgust and either ignore it if the perpetrator was useful or just kill them outright. A Branch Family member, unless they were close to the child, would feel nothing.”

Surprisingly Hayate was the first to speak up after this. His speech interspersed with his mildly annoying coughing.

“So, (cough), In short we are going to an island, (cough), which is completely populated by insane sociopathic demons, some of which are well over twice the size of a human. (Cough).”

Kushina put on a nasty smirk.

“Yep.”

“(Cough), Why is this a good plan again?”

Ibiki couldn’t agree more.

“It’s not, but it’s the best plan we have right now, after all, they need to breed and most people either tend to avoid them or die shortly after they are captured. They would love to be in a legitimate Ninja village.”

Tenzo spoke, a quaver in his voice.

“Did you say Breed? Did you say die?!”

Sighing, Ibiki allowed a small smirk to cross his face at the memory of all the kids suddenly going pale and sweaty. Unlike them he had some knowledge of the Akumu due to his rank and the urban legend of the Akumu, ahem, “intercoursing” people to death was always brought up to scare genin when they were mentioned. It was practically tradition in every Ninja village. He doubted it was fully true but he knew every story had a kernel of truth to it, they probably had done in ages past. Who knows.

What he found truly interesting though was the info Kushina-Sama had given the group, which allowed him to draw some conclusions.

First, the branch family, as more info was available on them. They are (supposedly) big. They are (allegedly) Taijutsu powerhouses, and they are (said to be) immune or resistant to the major branches of Genjutsu. They (apparently) cannot use Jutsu outside of their body as their Chakra coils would not allow it. But that means a closed circuit chakra system with a core that generates chakra constantly, which would lead to the supposition of more pressure, which means any strengthening done on the body would be more effective than on a normal person, if true it would also means that unless they had come up with some other way they couldn’t walk on walls or water.

So, judging from the as yet unconfirmed information he had been given engaging them in Taijutsu would be suicide unless you were a Master, or an Akamichi trying to get to an all you can eat buffet. Genjutsu would be less effective, so that leaves Traps, Ninjutsu and Ninja tools. Knowing his luck they probably wore armour as well which would reduce the effectiveness of Tools and Ninjutsu.

Fortunately they were said to be big. Which means you probably know when they are coming.

Oddly enough Ibiki could only really see them useful in two diametrically opposed positions, Guards, and Super heavy assault units, both of these were helped by their seemingly sociopathic tendencies towards people they don‘t know. As guards they would instantly notice people they don‘t know and keep an eye on them, as Super Heavy assault Units they wouldn‘t have the same moral dilemma sane people have about the death of innocents that get in the way.

The Main Family was another story. Judging from Kushina-Sama’s lack of comment about their height it could be assumed that their range of heights were normal. They also apparently had access to Ninjutsu at the cost of their sibling families Taijutsu, yet still retained a large degree of natural close combat lethality. They were also insane, but something Kushina-Sama said was still niggling at the back of his mind…

Ah! The off hand comment about them not killing people who were useful, that probably meant they were manipulative and kept an eye to the bigger picture and the long game. Best not to assume anything though.

“Thinking hard or are you just constipated Ibiki.”

Ibiki started, which was bad considering he was tree hopping, but his experience managed to save him from an embarrassing encounter starring his face and the ground.

“Sorry to disappoint Anko, but if it was constipation you would have just cured me.”

He waited a moment for her small grin to die down.

“No, I was just thinking about the possible abilities and weaknesses of the Akumu.”

“And?”

“I’d tell you but then you’d start assuming and die.”

“Pfft, would not.”

“Yes you would, you are far too caught up in treating what the people you trust say as some kind of divine word of God. If you think about it and come back to me I’ll fill you in on what I think, but I want you to start thinking objectively too.”

“Wow, when did you have time to get that metal pole inserted?”

“Anko…”

The teenager responded by sticking out her tongue and hopping ahead.

The things Ibiki puts up with for his friend.

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Time passed in the monotonously boring fashion that was solely reserved for tree hopping, almost everyone began to mentally beg for some kind of interruption. One member of the group just happened to be extraordinarily vocal in his displeasure.

The group was abruptly jolted out of it’s boredom as its youngest member started wailing, Kushina, quick as lightning, dropped to the forest floor, and with the precision of a surgeon, removed him from his bundle before cleaning and changing him in a matter of seconds. Pausing just long enough to tickle him under the chin before strapping Naruto to her back and settling into the steady rhythm of tree hopping again.

After a few seconds Genma clicked his fingers, a look of sudden realisation crossing his features.

“That’s what’s weird! He never cries, I was wondering why I felt like I was missing something! My baby brother is always cry...” A pained look suddenly crossed his features before his voice suddenly gained a bitter hint. “Well…he always used to cry before the Kyuubi came. I don’t know if he still cries now.”

An uneasy silence suddenly descended upon the group. No-one spoke until they reached the ferry to Wave.

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[Kirai]

Damn, totaly forgot about this.

I like the chapter, just one question... can we expect this to become a lemon? I mean you already have the tentacle monsters....

Kinda weird you know?

[Darkandus]

Nope, the only thing the tentacles will be doing is killing people and assisting in movement. And to be perfectly honest even if anyone intended to use them for that particular task the massive trauma inflicted would probably kill whoever they were used on, and I'm not that depraved.

[Dechstreme]

Whew.... Thank you for that. Stupid Tentacle Rape Hentai... I really don't wanna meet anyone who is into that kind of shit... what led you to the creation of the Akumu?

[Darkandus]

Well they started off as a need. I need Clans to rebuild Uzu, but Clans are valuable so they would probably join or be absorbed into other villages straight away if they no longer had any obligations to a dead village. So there has to be a reason that they wouldn't be absorbed, the only reasons that I can see would be if they were either hated or thought to be too dangerous or too bizarre to be accepted in society. For the Akumu I decided to go down the dangerous and bizarre routes. The majority of them simply cannot pass for human. I'm talking Sasuke Curse mark level 2 Not Human. That combined with their reputation for insanity scares a hell of a lot of people, and to cope they latch onto the old "make fun of it so it's less scary" idea and treat them mainly as a source of amusement. Using things like they must be weirdo perverts with their tentacles.

In reality straight up tentacles are the rarest manifestation of the extra appendages, they also happen to be covered in barbs and a contact poison. It would be far more accurate to think of them mostly being akin to the tails or Xenomorphs in form, but far more dexterous and lethal. Unlike Xenomorph tails the appendages come in multiples and generally aren't just bladed at the end.

Now I know what your thinking, "Whoa Darkandus, getting a little bit overpowered aren't we?" I will admit that would be a legitimate concern if everyone in the setting wasn't getting several levels of dangerous tacked on. Well, actually to be fair it's not the characters getting the increase in lethality, it's the strength of Chakra and their common sense that I'm upping.

[Dechstreme]

Frankly, there is no such thing as overpowered in a Naruto fanfic, just shitty execution.

The source material lends itself to some really crazy stuff already, I mean, THINK of just how ridiculous the manga was when it started. We had kids throwing out fireballs out of their mouths, making copies of themselves, then the adult ninja strutting their stuff from time to time creating dragons out of water and Summoning crap the size of buildings, and then came the Godzilla type showdown between Shukaku and Gamabunta.

No, Naruto lends itself to over the top and weird. The fact that Maito Gai exists is proof enough.

Oh, and I wouldn't call them tentacles unless they are invertebrate. If they are extensions of their spinal colums, regardless of possition, they should count as tails, because tails are extensions of the backbone and they ARE human, sort of, so the regular means of classifying some things should still apply.

heh, you could use that for dialogue.

"they are TAILS, not tentacles!!! I swear, just because they don't come out of our assess..."

[Darkandus]

All of the spinal protrusion types bar tentacles have bones and are segmented, so they would count as tails I suppose, but the tentacles only have muscle to maintain structure.

I'm as satisfied content wise as I can get with this chapter, would anyone be willing to beta it and tell me if there are any problems with sentence structure, punctuation and word economy and the like?

[Dechstreme]

I'm game, although it can take me some time to get everything fleshed out. My quick beta's are just acceptable as it is, but I don't think you want a quick one.

[Darkandus]

Any help you can give me will be appreciated.

[Dechstreme]

Bring it on.

[Darkandus]

Part of the chapter I'm working on at the moment. Let me know what you guys think or if there are any problems.

Spoiler: show

Even in his current state Orochimaru found the task of avoiding the villages patrols to be child’s play, a short hop over a barbed wire fence and he was into the Forest of Death. He thought it fortunate that no-one took the time to actually come out here, especially in the dead of night. That left the creatures of the forest as the only viable threat, and to him they were nothing.

He ghosted through the Titanic trees, avoiding every sign of life that could hold him up. The only indication of his presence the slight rustle of his clothes or the slight crunch of the occasional patch of dead leaves which had not been soaked by the earlier torrents of rain.

Within minutes he came to his Laboratory, his home. He had avoided the place since he had heard the news. A brief sadness prickled at him but he simply shrugged it off. Now was not the time for regrets. He slid to a stop in front of the metallic doors and with a simple gesture they folded into the drab stone walls. Crossing the threshold he quickly made his way to the stairwell and taking the steps three at a time, with a childish giggle every time he stumbled a bit, began the long journey down into the bowels of the earth.

A few minutes passed and the air steadily became more humid, the stale, recycled air becoming uncomfortably warm. Orochimaru absentmindedly noted that the accursed Air conditioning had broken down again. He made a mental note to have words with the fool he purchased it from. He finally made it down to the lowest levels of his Lair, a smirk crossing his lips at the thought of what everyone called it, only to be brought out of it by the steady patter of dozens of leaking pipes. Damn those shoddy union plumbers! Go away for a day or two and the place floods!

His rapid footsteps carried him through the uniform gray concrete hallways, his steps kicking up sprays of water from the handful of puddles that liberally covered the floor. Spinning around a corner he finally came to the door of his office. Taking great pains to ignore everything in it he snatched the Kusanagi from its pride of place and headed straight for the experiment holding tanks.

This was going to be fun.

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This was not fun. Shortly after making it to the quaint wave country Kushina had dragged the group across the archipelago with nary a minutes rest and proceeded to the docks on the other side of the island chain. She then proceeded to head onto a middling sized ship. Kicked the crap out of everyone on it and stole it.

That wasn’t the problem though. The problem was she was terrible at sailing. Unlike the relatively smooth ride out to the islands this had been five long days of hell. To make it worse there was a fog which cut down visibility to a few thousand feet. Yuugao’s thought were punctuated by Tenzo vomiting over the side of the ship. The only ones who were seemingly unaffected were Kushina-Sama, Naruto, who was seemingly having the time of his life judging from the squeals of excitement every time the ship rocked and that absolute bastard Genma who in Anko’s words was “Swanning around the deck with that fucking superior smirk.”

Yuugao spotted Hayate staggering over to her, she almost reflexively took a step back at the look on his face. It didn’t seem possible but he actually looked even sicker than usual. When he spoke he didn’t even cough.

“Am…I the only…one who, oh god.”

A few seconds of dry heaves later he managed to speak again.

“Remind me…why did we steal this?”

Yuugao took a few moments to settle her stomach before answering.

“Because chartering a ship would leave a trail. Now all anyone can say is someone stole a ship.”

“O.k. Now tell me…why we couldn’t kidnap…a competent captain.”

Yuugao answered with a pained smile.

“Oh, that’s easy, the universe hates us. What happened to your cough?”

Hayate looked as if he was going to heave again but finally answered.

“Every time I cough…I throw up in…my mouth. And it burns…my throat, which makes me want to cough more. So…I’m just not going to cough.”

Yuugao was kinda grossed out by his blunt answer but she supposed it was nice to talk to someone honest.

“So you can not cough?”

Hayate shot Yuugao a weird look.

“Obviously, how else…am I meant to hide on missions.”

Yuugao rolled her eyes, the sea was obviously retarding her higher brain functions.

“Why do you cough then?”

He grimaced. Yuugao belatedly realised that it was probably a really personal question.

“Short version…it hurts if I don’t. Long version…my lungs slowly fill…with liquid which I have to stop with…my Chakra. Some of it gets through anyway…and it’s easier to cough it out…than to leave it there and drown to death…or drag it out with Chakra.”

“Ah…”

A short silence began to drag out between them before Yuugao thought of something.

“Oh yeah! Is that what got you into dancing? Exercise to make your lungs bigger and more efficient?”

His face lit up with a smile. It looked kind of weird but Yuugao idly thought it suited him.

“That’s actually pretty perceptive…of you, most people just think it’s…some kind of joke, but it helps keep me alive. It also helps with my…swordsmanship, keeps me flexible and strong. Plus,…to be honest I like it more than…being a ninja, but I had to be a ninja to be taught…about Chakra control which keeps me out of the hospital and gives me…a better value of life than just lying in bed…with tubes down my throat. But I suppose being a Ninja…can be exiting too even if it is dangerous…so it’s not that bad.”

Yuugao was about to share a bit about herself when she was abruptly interrupted by an exceedingly loud string of curses from Kushina.

Quickly turning around they noticed the mist had lifted a bit. An island with ridiculously high vertical cliffs came into view. The seemingly single bay of the island was occupied by three sleek ships with the Kiri Symbol embroidered into them. A handful of mutilated bodies littered the dock

“Everyone off the Ship. If you can’t water walk you have three seconds to learn. Yuugao, you watch Naruto. Ibiki, Anko, you watch Yuugao.”

Kushina reluctantly handed over Naruto before she sped through a few hand seals, poking a scroll pouch on her chuunin outfit. A basic Katana appeared in her hands as she made another hand seal, creating two Kage Bunshin.

“Follow behind me, and be careful.”

Kushina’s jump off the ship landed her on the very tip of a wave, and each powerful stride forward took her from one crest to another. By the time group had jumped onto the rough sea the redhead was at the Kiri ships. The woman and her clones moved in perfect synchronisation, making a half dozen hand seals while still holding the blades in their hands. As one they flipped the blade to face the sky, dipping them tip first into the water as the three fell into a crouch and rode the waves momentum fight up to the ships before launching upwards.

A few crewmembers who spotted her called out in surprise, but the damage was already done. The ships began to slide in half, water forcing its way up through the cuts and into the bowels of the ships, speeding the process of pushing the two halves apart and filling the lower decks with super heated steam and boiling water. The flash heated liquid instantly began burning the flesh of the sailors as the steam seeped into their lungs, cooking them from the inside as the water claimed them. The upper decks, out of the reach of the water instantly went ablaze, tongues of flame speeding across the planks like a grease fire, turning any crewmembers they touched into screaming bonfires.

A Mizu genin squad posted on the docks turned to meet the attack, two girls and a boy. The eldest looking girl foolishly jumped to meet the attack of the middle Kushina with her own sword held in front of her. The blade did not even give a moments resistance and was sliced in two along with its owner.

Focusing her killing intent on the other two, the genin dropped to the ground, one, a young boy, began trashing around in a seizure, blood pouring from his mouth along with a chunk of his tongue, his teeth cracking from clenching so hard.

The other girl, a little older than the boy, crawled away, curling into a ball and sobbing as Kushina and her clones carried on past the dock into a tunnel carved into the cliff face.

Yuugao and the rest followed behind. Shocked by the brutality and desperately trying and failing to tune out the sounds of the civilian sailors who were screaming as they burnt to death. Most of them expected this to feature prominently in their nightmares.

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Once they got into the cave system the group hit a bit of a snag. The place was a maze and while some of it was lit, albeit poorly, by dark red light bulbs strung along the walls they were either blown or had been deliberately turned off in large sections of the corridors. The idea of following the sounds of battle or trail of corpses and blood was a moot point as each path echoed with screams and…other sounds the group didn’t want to dwell on. And while there were only a handful of bodies they consisted of chunks no larger than a grapefruit and liberally coated everything. Ibiki estimated that only three Mizu nin had died here, Anko offhandedly marvelled at the amount of blood that had been squeezed out.

Ibiki, being the leader chose the left hand path and they quickly moved down it. Numerous dark holes riddled the roof and after they found a Mizu-nin’s corpse hanging down from one by his guts they gave them a wide berth.

A few minutes passed with the occasional corpse discovery or rumble as a powerful Jutsu detonated somewhere when they finally heard a new sound, a man gasping for breath and struggling as someone else, from the sound of it a girl, giggled softly.

Edging slowly around the corner they got their first sight of an Akumu.

It looked human, insofar as it had two arms, two legs, a face and intestines.

Intestines it had pulled out of a gut wound through the flimsy fabric dress that was covering its torso and was now using to strangle a man twice her size to death. The red lights which flickered on and off in this section of the tunnel didn’t really give a good view of the Akumu, but it seemingly saw them perfectly well. It turned it’s face up towards the group, a dismembered forearm of it’s latest victim clasped in it’s mouth.

It stared at them as the body of the man it was strangling finally went silent. It held their attention for half a minute as it made sure the job was done before unwrapping the mans neck. The limb clasped in it’s mouth dropped to the floor as it smiled politely at them. Standing up they finally saw the limbs that supposedly adorned the backs of all Akumu as they rose from their prone position on the ground and began to lazily wave about. Six of them in total, segmented, with a single spike emerging from each segment and a wicked looking curved blade at their tips. Three genin and a chuunin in various states of mutilation hung from four of them, a fifth speared through the latest seemingly chuunin victim as the Akumu stuffed it’s guts back in, wrapping the last appendage around it’s torso to keep them in.

“Good Morning. Can I help you?”

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[QuoteMyFoot]

The only thing that jumped out at me was "Sannin Orochimaru steps on dry leaves?" and a few instances of capitalisation where there shouldn't be in the first section. Otherwise, I really enjoyed it. The ending was great, as well - nice contrast between all the blood and guts and stuff. I found it a bit humorous, anyway.

[Darkandus]

Sannin Orochimaru is completly drunk off his ass, which is why he's screwing up and giggling to himself when he stumbles. It will become even more apparent in the later sections of this chapter, which I'm working on right now. Thanks for the feedback.

[Kirai]

Nice stuff... creepy stuff, kinda^^

And drunken Orochimaru was funny.

kinda disagree with Quote, the ending wasn't so much funny as it was... a nice indicator for just how insane these guys actually are. not just from the tales but from actually seeing them.

[Dechstreme]

Hey, Dark, not that I'm complaining since you did do a stellar job and all, but since I had done the last betaing of the previous segment, I was kinda hoping I would get to beta the next one, too...

[Darkandus]

Hey, Dark, not that I'm complaining since you did do a stellar job and all, but since I had done the last betaing of the previous segment, I was kinda hoping I would get to beta the next one, too...

Of course. I'm not trying to replace you as my primary beta but I'm not finished the chapter yet and I like getting a good few opinions to see what works and what doesn't before I post it on ff.net. For instance in the last section I posted in this thread I've decided to up the creepiness of the Akumu and play up just how drunk Orochimaru is. The way I see it if creepiness gets a good response I want the Akumu to absolutly radiate "insane apex predators who think of most Humans as talking meat."

And as for Orochimaru's drunken escapades; I see Tsunade as a surly drunk, Jiraiya as an amorous drunk and Orochimaru as a childish drunk who wavers between extreme care and overly cautious in his movement to stumbling around giggling to himself as he comes up with terrible plans. Such as the plan he is about to enact when he gets to his experiment containment area which will result in VERY BAD THINGS™.

[Dechstreme]

Question, I know the whole strangling the guy with your own intestines thing that you had the Akumu member do to the other guy was in the name of making them look demented, but are intestines that durable as to be used to strangle someone?

... Oh, wait, I'm trying to apply normal anatomy to beings that are already established as possessing ABNORMAL anatomy...

But the question still stands.

[Darkandus]

Yes, it's perfectly possible. In fact as long as you are careful, the victim isn't overweight and you don't drop them from a height it's possible to actually hang a normal human being with their own intestines. It's not pleasant and you have to be either insane or evil to actually do it to someone, but it is possible.

[Dechstreme]

... Is there a ninja alive that isn't of the Akumu clan that the Akumu might bow down to due to their superiority? Just wondering.

[Darkandus]

There are undoubtedly a lot of stronger ninja than the Akumu, but they don't really take much stock in the concept of subserviance. Back in Uzu they actually picked their clan head by drawing straws. Not that they will actually automatically follow or respect the clan head, but more because they need someone to sit in on boring meetings and do all the boring stuff that needs to be done which no-one really wants to do.

That particular tradition has carried on even though the clan head doesn't really do anything now that they are not in Uzu anymore. Previous clan heads have included a soft drinks can, a three year old and a snapping turtle.

[Dechstreme]

... Sounds like a fun bunch, once you get past the sociopathy and the whole "twisted crimes against nature" they got as bodies.