Concept Pitch: The Brothers Uzumaki

[QuoteMyFoot]

From just a quick skim-over (too busy to read atm), you tend to use pronouns to start your sentences a lot. That gets really repetitive and boring. Spice things up a little?

I'll have a more detailed response for you later.

[Nasdaq]

Yeah, I can see that, been trying to break myself of that habit. :/

[Tempest Kitsune]

I thought it was pretty good. I liked how you showed that Hinata was attracted to both boys too, a nice set-up for later.

[ShonenHero]

Yeah, what you have so far is definitely enticing. I can't wait for more.
BTW, love that Naruto's brother is named Shio (a type of ramen) xP

And is that Shio in your sig?

[Nasdaq]

It isn't, actually, but I guess it could be, haha. His hair is longer, more feminine honestly. Shio is far more of what one might describe as 'bishie' then Naruto. Not quite Haku levels, but he's got the long hair and all.

And yeah, Shio was named as such for that very reason. Salt Ramen, but also means Tides. Now to get back to work on the next parts.

As per Hinata being attracted to both, it's true. Much like in the series, the attraction is physical as well as a sort of mental admiration for different reasons. It's a crush, but honest admiration as well. I dislike how people have Hinata being 'in love' with Naruto from day one, makes no sense. Doesn't even likely understand love. She just admires them. But it will bring up some conflict and later plot points.

[ShonenHero]

After some thought on this concept, I have to ask you something Nasdaq:

What psychological effects would occur to Naruto if he had a brother from day one? In Canon, Naruto (before he graduated) was desperate for attention, and treated any friends he had as family. He had, and I’m guessing here, few people to confide in his problems. He mostly got on through life by sheer will, and a drive to be paid attention to. What would change if Naruto had a sibling to care for, and be cared by? Would he be as desperate for attention if he had someone he could always turn for that (instead of pulling pranks or wearing orange)? Would he want to be a Hokage for the attention if did have someone who respected/loved him so early on? Would he be as driven to help his friends if he had someone by his side through his formative years, perhaps not feeling it necessary to go to such lengths to help his friends? You also painted Shio as more cerebral thinker than his brother. Would Naruto have as much difficulty in the Academy if he had his brother to ask questions? Would Naruto still struggle in spite of that due some learning disability or another?

for the tl;dr version: What big effects would Shio have on Naruto’s personality?

[Nasdaq]

Well, the point of him being hokage was that he wanted attention from EVERYONE, which was also the pranks. While Shio is there, one person being there an acknowledging him isn't quite going to stifle his dreams. In a way, because he hasn't ever known any other bonds except his brother he may end up treating ALL his friends in a similar way. However, as a whole, there is a point I'm making in that the way Naruto acts is as much a product of nature as it is nurture. He is mostly the same, abet slightly more aggressive then his canon counterpart due to earlier feeligns of protection and a side effect of the chakra sealed inside of him. Which is another point. Naruto has the Yang chakra of the Kyuubi as opposed to the Yin chakra of the Kyuubi (as it is in canon.) In many ways, the yang matches him more on it's alignments, but this actually makes him more Naruto then canon Naruto in a way. It also, however, sets him up to, for lack of a better term, 'interface' with his half of the Kyuubi better.

As per the academy, he IS slightly better off due to his brother being there to practice with him and help him, but he still sucks at chakra control and still learns far better by doing then he does by reading. However, because he has someone to do things with he is slightly more advanced. Neither of them can manipulate elemental chakra yet, mind you, as I always found it hard to believe that people learn like twenty jutsu before they're out of academy when even Kakashi was surprised by a Rank C Fire Jutsu from Sasuke.

As a whole, though, the changes in Naruto are both major and minor: he understands what it means to care for someone, and how precious his brother is to him. For that reason, when someone else forms a bond and becomes a friend, he is even more inclined to go out of his way for them. Naruto also understands Sasuke's situation slightly better in the sense he knows what it's like to have a brother and can't even imagine the pain that having his brother betray him (a thought he can barely comprehend). On the other hand, Naruto also would be far harsher on Sasuke if he left, as that would be a betrayal of it's own and turning his back on the vilalge which he finds even more precious now. So, in a sense, one of the greatest effects will be that of the relationship between him and Sasuke. As hinted, this will manifest in him leaving far later, and likely under far different circumstances then canon.

[ShonenHero]

Thanks, your reasoning for keeping Naruto more-or-less the same is sound. I can’t wait to see how this all turns out. ^-^

[Stormseed]

Something else I've been wondering - did one of them get the majority of the demon's power, or is it an even split?

[Nasdaq]

Both have an equal split. Like in canon, half the Kyuubi chakra was sealed into Naruto, but the other half was sealed away by Minato. IN this, Naruto got half, and instead of sealing away the other half, Shio got it. Thus, while it will manifest differently (Shio has inhuman levels of chakra control, Naruto has the inhuman capacity) thus neither is stronger, per se, but they have strengths in different areas.

[ShonenHero]

cracks knuckles* Alright, so you’ve given us a taste of what Naruto would be like in this setting, but now I’m curious as to what Shio would be like? You’ve already let on that he’s something of an introspective recluse and that he enjoys reading & eating, but what of his dreams? What of his ambitions? What drives him, and what’s Shio’s attitude on life like? How well does he deal with people? Who would his favorite kind of person be? What relationships does he have to speak of (besides his brother)?

I’m also curious as to what attitude did the Village adopt toward him? Do they antagonize him as well or do they generally ignore him in favor of his more obnoxious twin? Is the village’s attitude more or less hostile with there being two of them, or is it less for that very same reason? How is Naruto and Shio’s living space? Is their apartment slightly larger than Canon to accommodate for Shio? Does he receive a stipend from the state like (I assume) his brother? Does the second stipend help improve their living conditions at all? How does Shio stand in the Academy, socially and grade-wise? Does his brother add a negative stigma to his reputation? How often does he train with his brother? Is it a constant regime or on /off?

*breathes*

Anyway, I wanted to know if you’ve ever read the shoujo manga Mars? I’d recommend reading it if not. The main male protagonist has a twin brother, and the manga explores their relationship somewhat. From what’s been revealed, there are some parallels from the brothers in that manga and Naruto and Shio.

[Nasdaq]

Recluse isn't so much the term as simply introverted, to Naruto extrovert. Dreamwise, he honestly doesn't have as many. He wants to protect his brother, become a ninja to protect people and earn respect. Amusingly, despite his much more down to earth and intellectual leanings, he doesn't plan that much ahead and that tends to be his problem. He is polite, even when people are not polite to him, but tends for backhanded complements to those who go after him or his brother. He respects Iruka-sensei mostly, and that is one of his few connections, and the hokage, whom he is far more respectful with then his brother. That, and the Ramen stand people, of course.

Apartment is only slightly larger, and they do get a better stipend but don't live much amazingly better then canon. Attitudes are mostly the same for him and his brother, it's just how they respond to them that is difference. He is top of his class when it comes to the basic jutsu and fairly high on academics, but his Taijutsu suffers. His brother is much better in taijutsu, as he has someone to practice with even if it is just his brother, but still is dead last in many of the basic jutsu and academics as it's just not his style. Socially, Shio and Naruto are mostly the same. Though Kiba, Chouji, and Shikamaru will sometimes go along with Naruto's antics (like in canon), they are more or less indifferent to Shio. They don't much pay attention to him, and he doesn't get into trouble. Naruto, being the class clown, is more inclined. However, Shikamaru has played Shogi with Shio, though the brother has never won, and Shio has occasionally joined Shikamaru and Chouji in cloud watching. But it's rare. Amongst other students, Shio is derided as being a shy, quiet, weirdo most of the time, and there are jokes that tend to pair up him and Hinata as a result, much to her embarrassment. He seems mostly unphased by this, and chalks up her embarrassment (which he is keen enough to notice) to those sorts of jokes, rather then an actual crush.

He trains with his brother almost constantly, though his brother still struggles when it comes to chakra control and Shio struggles somewhat in taijutsu. But having an opponent does help. They also tend to practice joint moves and coordination, as they react almost like they have telepathy sometimes, particularly when it comes to dangerous situations.

Haven't read the manga, no, might check it out though.

One thing to keep in mind is that the point of the early portions of the story are to show how little things are different then canon, and then watch as time goes on and these tiny differences begin to balloon into massive changes over time.

[ShonenHero]

Cool! You’ve thought this out much more thoroughly then I expected. If you need a beta reader, give me a hollah (pm)! I can’t give you much grammar critique, since I’m really not all that great with my prose. Still, I’ll give you a second perspective if you’d like, and I’d attempt to spot what mistakes I could
.

[NaruHinaPyroWolf]

I am writing a story similar to this, with twin Uzumaki brothers. They both inherit a kekkai genkai from both parents. Also i was going in a different direction then having the two halves of the Kyuubi's chakra sealed in each, twin, instead another of the bijuu, the Gobi which in my story is a wolf, attacks, and the Kyuubi, is like canon sealed in Naruto, and the Gobi is sealed in the other twin named Hoarashi, which I think means firestorm, or storm of fire, to counter balance Naruto, which means Maelstrom. In my story, Naruto still has a wind affinity like in canon, but when using the Kyuubi's chakra he also pretty much has a fire and earth affinity, which don't combine. Hoarashi, has a wind affinity, though like Naruto, when using the Gobi's chakra he also pretty much has affinities for wind and water. Now because of the Shinigami's seal, on both, they have a mental link, and thus the Kyuubi and Gobi have a mental link, through the twins. Also, the story has good bijuu, with a somewhat cliched explanation for why the Kyuubi and in this story the Gobi attacked Konoha. Finally, since I have a friend bugging me to do a NarutoFemKyuubi fic, I might go that way and I have left that option open though I'll probably just do NaruHina since that is my favorite pairing. Also a female Haku gets together with Hoarashi. Would anyone care to check my story out and see if it's good or a total piece of crap? It has three chapters out already, and I'm well on my way to finishing the fourth. The story is called, "A Huge What If Scenario" and my ff.net pen name is MarineWolf1994. Also I would really appreciate it if someone who likes it would be me beta as I really need one, though I don't really know how that works on ff.net.

[Nasdaq]

Well, as per a beta, I'm too impatient to wait for someone to get back to me after I do up a chapter, but thanks for the offer! Haha, might call on you later.

Going out of town for Christmas, but when I get back, I hope to post the story sometime just before or after the first of the year, likely. Just three more scenes to write, and one is half written: Hiruzen musing about Naruto scrubbing his father's face on the hokage monument and how the boys were cheated, amongst some other things; ramen with Iruka and talking about future dreams; finally, a scene of them at night, talking about some stuff and the exam that was coming up the next day.

[Nasdaq]

And this more or less sealed the deal that I need to finish the chapter and post it. Had it done up as a birthday thing, and I think it came out really well for describing how I imagine Shio as, post timeskip.

[ShonenHero]

Wow, you did that yourself? That's not half bad, and now I have a better picture of Shio in my head.

[Nasdaq]

No, not me, guy who draws a fan doujin did it for me, Birthday gift. But yes, that's how he looks. Not all that different pre-timeskip, though his clothes change totally.