It was early morning, barely six AM. Sasuke was already getting dressed as the sun barely broke over the Uchiha compound. His room was spartan, by choice rather then by necessity. His various training aids littered it, scrolls stacked high on the shelves and desk. He was always studying, always training. It was why he rose so early, to get a few hours of practice in before he went off to the academy. Soon, he would be getting those early extra hours in before going off to meet with his new team. But he should have been doing that years before.
Often, Sasuke wondered why he tried anymore. He pushed himself to the limits, topped the class in every area, and was well ahead of his class. There was little doubt in his mind, nor in the minds of his mother or even his teachers, that he could have passed the genin examination far earlier then he’d been allowed. It should have been allowed, Sasuke felt. He deserved it for all the work he put in; he deserved to be recognized as a prodigy, just like his brother. But they never saw him, and he always lived in that shadow, despite everything.
So many times he’d felt so fed up that he wanted to just quit trying so hard, but he couldn’t. He tried to be lazy once, but found it boring. He tried to slack off, to just not study so hard, or not to do well, but it was impossible. When he was faced with a challenge he just launched himself at it. Sasuke supposed that was what they called natural talent. It was amusing really; the one thing he couldn’t do was fail. It was proof of his prodigy, and yet it was still less then his brother.
His hokage brother. Sasuke wondered if Tobirama Senju felt the same way under the shadow of his brother, Hashirama. That thought had gotten him through hard times before. The knowledge that a brother can rise to be great, even as great as his brother was. Tobirama had given organization to what his brother had made, he had refined it into something better. The Village Hidden in the Leaves was given true shape due to Tobirama, and that thought made Sasuke hope he could one day do the same. He was unable to fail, it seemed, meaning he had to. There was no other choice.
Of course, it was much harder when his brother kept holding him back. He knew he was, though he’d never admit it. Itachi was head of the Uchiha clan and the hokage, and his opinion carried more weight in the two sides of Sasuke’s life than any other. In the village and clan he was the supreme authority. Sasuke knew that Itachi did not want him to graduate early, and that confused the younger of the brothers. After all, hadn’t Itachi done just the same?
Sasuke sometimes thought it was because Itachi wanted to keep him back out of fear, but that was silly and the young Uchiha knew it. His brother loved him dearly, Sasuke knew. He’d asked once, in anger, why he had done what he had done; why had Itachi killed father and revealed the Uchiha’s plan? Itachi looked at Sasuke with an expression that the boy had almost never seen. It was one of sadness, one of suffering.
‘I seem very cold to you, don’t I, Sasuke?” he had said, looking off into the distance as he did. “But I love many things. I love my clan, and I love my mother. More than this, I love my village. But above all of that, there is one thing that I love even more, and one thing that I could not raise a hand against. There is one thing that I would do anything to protect.’
His brother had grown silent, eventually causing his younger brother to ask who or what this thing was. It was then that Sasuke had seen an expression from his brother that he had never seen before and never again. His eyes seemed so tormented, and something almost like anguish came over him. It would be some time before Sasuke realized that was exactly it. It had been a look of suffering due the question. It would take even longer for Sasuke to realize why.
Itachi had not answered the question with words, but eventually Sasuke realized he had answered it with that single expression. Itachi loved his little brother, and would do anything to protect him. Sometimes, though, Sasuke wished he wasn’t so protected.
Sasuke finished getting ready and sprinted out the door. His mother was still sleeping. She slept a bit later then she used to, and she went to bed a bit later too. She still smiled all the same, but sometimes it seemed little bit forced, around Itachi in particular. Those were a few of the changes that the young Uchiha had noticed in his mother ever since father had died. Or, rather, since his father was executed. He had been neither the first nor last of the Uchiha executed for treason, though he had been the head of it all. Sasuke wondered if his father would find that almost mildly insulting; despite his place in the treasonous plot and despite his relation to his own executioner, he was not given a special place at all. He was just another guilty man, killed like all the others.
Sasuke was fairly sure he hated his father. He loved him too, of course, because he was his father. Sasuke was fairly sure his brother was the same way, a strange combination of hate and love. Why did everyone think those were mutually exclusive? Love and hate were not opposites, despite what people sometimes said. They were just emotions, just feelings that one had. Related, to be sure, and one often made it harder for the other to exist, but they were not exclusive.
He knew this because he felt them both for his traitor of a father, a father whom never acknowledged him as his own person; a father whom could be as cold and harsh as Itachi, but without showing the hidden warmth that Sasuke’s brother could, a father who betrayed his own village, his own position of power, out of pure greed. But he was also a father who had raised Sasuke and, in a twisted way, pushed and believed in him. Even if he hadn’t, Sasuke knew he’d still love him. Father was not a cruel man, and he had provided well for his family. His greed was motivated partially for their sake; he wanted more for his family, even if he had been an idiot, traitorous fool in how he had gone about it.
Cold morning air bit at the young teen’s skin as he ran, not stopping to say anything to the few servants and early risers that he passed as he made his way through the compound and headed for one of the many Training Grounds nearby. The Uchiha lived on the outskirts of Konoha, which suited Sasuke just fine; he was fast enough to get into town when he needed, and close to many of the training fields too. Some in the clan resented being set farther out, but little complaint could be made. The clan’s lands were still primes real estate and they had not been punished for the treasonous acts of their leaders other then the loss of the members. That hadn’t even been all the conspirators, simply the largest of them. They were lucky the village had accepted this, and Itachi’s oath.
It was that reason that prevented most from complaining when the Military Police were disbanded. Some rumors spoke that the Hyuuga clan was petitioning to have their own force started in secret, a fact that made many Uchiha bristle but none would openly complain. Pride was a luxury that was ill afforded by the clan these days, even more so when their clan head also wore the wide-brimmed hat of the hokage.
Sasuke vaulted over the walls of the compound and took to the roofs. The few early risers from both in and outside of the compound never even batted an eyelash; though it might shock those in a normal town, here in one of the hidden shinobi villages it was as common to see as street vendors. Shinobi were practical people, as well. Those with no time to spend moving through crowds took to the roofs for speed, and shinobi almost universally loved speed. When one has the capability of going as fast as they could it was simple human nature to fall in love with it. Sasuke knew this to be true; he’d fallen in love with it too.
In fact, he found these morning trips across the rooftops and towards his favorite training ground to be one of the best parts of the day. Focusing on pushing himself faster and higher, he could block out the rest of life. No worries about his brother, or his progress, or academy scores, or his new team. He could worry about how much chakra he used in his pushes, and how much he used to soften his landing. He focused on gauging distances, or on avoiding pitfalls, water towers, and close lines. It was a simpler and easier thing, to focus only on the now instead of the past or the future. Sasuke had once wondered if maybe that was why many of the Uchiha ended up more cold after developing their sharingan; the ability to predict and plan so much easier left even more time in the day for worry and wonder.
But not right now. Right now there were no thoughts of his brother or father, and certainly no thoughts of the nature of love and hate. No mature musing or pondering that someone his age had no place at all pondering or musing about. Right now, there were just rooftops and clotheslines and the clashing feel of warm morning sun and cold morning air. And it was good.
*hitting self*
