Random Plot Bunny Inspired Scenes

[Tempest Kitsune]

This is someplace just for me to dump all the random scenes and whatnot inspired by the various plot bunnies that I've read (and more than a few that I contributed) in the forums.

This one is a scene from the YYH/Love Hina fusion that I suggested once, where Motoko has had it up to "here" with Kuwabara and his "demeaning" code. It's post-Dark Tournament, but before the whole Sensui debacle in YYH.

Spoiler: show

"You-you-RAAAAAAAAUGH!!! AIR SPLITTING WAVE!"

Keitaro tried to yell out a warning to his cousin's friend, tried to move to intercept the attack, but Yuusuke clamped a hand on his shoulder. "He knows what he's doing." In his head, the Spirit Detective was grinning like a madman. 'It's about damn time you got over that weakness of yours Kuwabara.'

Kuwabara had shifted his stance, moving both hands to his side as if about to draw a sword. As the energy attack closed in on him, time seemed to slow as he tensed. 'Wait for it... NOW!' With a roar, he flared his reiki as he employed his counter. "SPIRIT SWORD: DISPERSION!" With a speed that a Battousai would have been proud of, he activated and "drew" his weapon, slashing out and sending a wave of his reiki to clash against the incoming attack.

The two techniques met, and after a microsecond of contention, Kuwabara's counter over-powered Motoko's own attack, rolling over it and slamming the unprepared swordswoman into the far wall.

The girls were all stunned, not only that this teen had acted to defend himself like that, but that it had so outclassed Motoko. Mitsune's eyes were wide as saucers, while Haruka had had to bobble her cigarette to keep from burning herself as it fell from her mouth. Shinobu had a worried look on her face, as she tried to decide who to cheer for, the kind friend of Keitaro's odd cousin, or her hot-tempered housemate?

Kuwabara relaxed, setting his weapon on one shoulder like a baseball bat as he glared at the woman who was woozily attempting to get back to her feet. "I may not attack girls, but I ain't about to let one beat me up neither."

[Tempest Kitsune]

Here's a snippet inspired by a fic on Twisting the Hellmouth called "Tales from the Bartender". Basically it's an ongoing fic that anyone can get in on, where crossovers are not only encouraged, but pretty much demanded. I'm debating on whether or not it's worth turning into it's own chapter to try and add to the collection.

Spoiler: show

Xander was polishing a glass at the bar, watching over the place as Nights began to pick up steam, more and more customers coming in, mostly regulars. Table 17 was full, with the usually occasional look being cast his way, or the way of some other patron that had caught their eye for whatever reason. Faith was in the storeroom, grabbing some stock for the bar that she'd just noticed was running a tad low, and Casey was back in the kitchen, the enticing aromas already spilling out through the order window making the one-eyed man sniff appreciatively. Mary was doing a bit of tax work in the office. And then the fireball blossomed on the ceiling, spitting out four figures before winking back out of existence.

Xander watched, a little amused and just a bit impressed as all four corrected their falls, landing in practiced crouches with their hands on various weapons, scanning the area. They were an interesting group, what looked like an anthromorphic tiger with a sig-sauer holstered at his back, a minotaur clutching an intricately decorated warhammer that looked like it had been carved out of a single piece of stone, a man wearing what would best be described as gang-banger clothing, though the goggles he wore had definite circuit patterns on them, with odd gleams of metal throughout his entire ensemble, and finally a man in a trench coat and fedora, with what appeared to be several multi-colored foxtails emerging from beneath the coat. He was also clutching his hand around a fistful of hunter-green flames. After a moment of shocked silence, the regulars returned to their business as usual. Xander cleared his throat even as he checked the wards. All four were pinging as both human and supernatural at the same time; odd. And the guy with the tails had a definite demon-vibe, whereas the Tiger and Minotaur were giving off nature-magic signals. The strangest one was the gang-banger, the only thing he got was a jumble of ones and zeros, though nothing malignant, the numbers were all a cool deep blue color.

"Um, hi. My name's Xander, and this is my bar, Nights. You're on Earth, in Cleveland Ohio and the year is..." He trailed off as the man in the trench coat and fedora swung around to stare at him, and he found himself looking into his own face, with two eyes, though there was a ring of dark green centered around the pupils, while the irises were a deeper, richer brown than his own orb. The fox-Xander grinned that familiar crooked grin, and swept off his fedora in a sort of salute.

"Lemme guess, dimensional nexus?" Xander half-nodded.

"Yeah, but that's usually in the closet. Not many fall through the ceiling, and even fewer in a fireball." The minotaur spoke up.

"I told you it was blue to red, not red to blue!" As he spoke the minotaur began to shrink, until standing in his place was a familiar face. Jonathon, though rougher looking, well muscled and with a hardened look to his features that their own version had never attained. And he was still holding that warhammer easily, slung over one shoulder and resting on the vest he wore. Other than the loose armored vest and the simple sweatpants, he was unclothed, though there was a small stud piercing in one ear.

"We survived." With that concise statement, the tiger also began to change, until Xander was looking at Oz of all people! His hair retained its white hue, as if it were fur, and the black stripes running through it continued the tiger theme, even after he was fully transformed back. He'd lost nearly half a foot in height, and a bit of muscle mass, but like Jonothan he was extremely well muscled, if the way his triceps bulged under the slightly shredded t-shirt he was wearing was any indication. He had on an armored vest as well, and as Xander looked closer, he could see that the man's eyes retained something of a slit shape to them.

"Barely, by my math we either would have been sucked into a singularity, cross-warped, or simply been atomized into a fine pink mist by that blast." The fourth member of the obvious team spoke up, lifting his goggles and exposing a face that Xander hadn't seen in nearly three decades. it was Devon Hall, Oz's former bandmate who'd been killed by vampires inside the school. The teen, no, the man's, fashion sense had changed dramatically, from a near-preppy look to a distinctly Mad Max theme, with battered, sleeveless duster, the exposed arms bearing several tribal tatoos, some of them demonic in origin unless his eye was deceiving him, though all from benevolent demon tribes. An armored vest was worn under the duster, and a dark knit cap was perched low on his head, nearly covering his eyebrows. Strapped to his forehead were a pair of goggles that were obviously more than fashionable eye-wear, if the reinforcing and wiring to the steel frames were any indication, while a coil of metal cable hung at his hip. The man blinked when he realized who he was talking to. "Xand?" Xander nodded as Fox-Xander stifled a chuckle. Devon let out a barking laugh as he turned to look at the rest of his group. "Man, when the Mavericks beat the odds, we really beat the odds!"

[Darkandus]

I enjoyed the second one as I actually had a point of referance for it. I've never seen YYH or Love Hina, so I can't really comment on the first.

[gman391]

I liked the first better. I don't watch Buffy and don't care enough to get into it. A little more set up for why Motoko decided to attack would be nice. Knowing Kuwabara it was probably yet another genuine accident blown completely out of proportion. Say is this for anyone or just you Tempest?

[Tempest Kitsune]

I kind of put it up as just for me, a way to get the various plot bunny spawning out there and see what people think of them.

[gman391]

All right then....hopefully one of them will dislodge that plot jam for "Power of Diplomacy" ehh?

[Tempest Kitsune]

Here's one that hit me earlier today, a multi-cross centering around Bleach. An AU with two divergence points, one minor, one major. The minor one is easy, in the beginning of the Arrancar arc, where Shinji is making his recruitment pitch to Ichigo, Isshin never flares his spirit energy and causes Ichigo to run off to investigate, and so Shinji decides to give Ichigo time to think over his proposition. After the Vizard leaves, Ichigo begins to brood, which leads into the results of the major divergence.

Spoiler: show

"Some choice, huh kid?" The voice was gravelly, though definitely female, and dry as dust. Ichigo shot to his feet, looking around to pinpoint the source. "On one hand, you could join the Vizard, and be hunted as a monster by the Shinigami for the rest of your life, and probably afterlife as well. And on the other," there was a brief pause, the sound of a lighter clacking, followed by an inhalation and a deep exhale, "you could side with the Shinigami, but that punk seemed pretty determined that you were gonna go with him, one way or another."

"What the hell does it matter to you?!" Ichigo snapped, hand on the hilt of his zanpakto as he continued to search for the source of the voice.

"Down here, dimwit," the speaker snapped. Ichigo looked down, and saw a tiny old lady, four feet tall at the most, scraggly gray hair moving in the breeze as she puffed on a cigarette. "See me now?" she asked sarcastically, giving the teen a flat, unimpressed look as he leapt down to confront her on street level.

"Who the hell are you, and why should I listen to what you have to say?!" Ichigo was wary, but as he concentrated on the woman, he saw that her spirit energy was purely human, though more intense than most he'd seen.

"I'm someone who's offering you a third option, if you've got the guts to take it. You've seen the two sides of the war that's spilling over into the living world already, hell, you've got the powers of both if what the blond dumbass was saying was true. But what you, and the rest of your allies seem to have forgotten, is that there are three factions involved in this little fracas. The Hollows, the Shinigami, and the denizens of the living world." She jabbed in Ichigo's direction with her cigarette to illustrate her point. "You've got roots here, friendships and bonds that both sides seem to think you can break as easily as they can. They don't live here anymore, they don't remember how things actually work in the living world. If they get tired of it, they shuck their gigais and find some portal back to their homes. They lost something, when they crossed over that first time, and no matter how many times they cross back and forth, they'll never get it back. But you've still got a foot in this world. You've got family, friends, a life outside of fighting."

Ichigo tapped his fingers impatiently on the hilt of Zangetsu. "Is there a point to this?"

"Show some respect you little punk," she snapped, "I'm an old woman, I'm allowed to ramble. My point is, there are people like your little friends, though they didn't receive their powers from overexposure to intense reiki, that have managed to tap a power that puts them on a level playing field with hollows and shinigami alike." Ichigo raised an eyebrow, but before he could voice his skepticism, the woman vanished, before reappearing in the same spot a moment later. "We're called channelers, you little punk. We've managed to tap into the primal power of the earth that all living things posses, in the form of abilities related to some form of animal or spiritual being usually, which we call totems. And I am offering you, who seem to be caught up in the center of this whole mess, a chance to learn to tap into your own totem, as an addition to your arsenal of fancy sword tricks. And I also offer you something else." The woman's already hooded eyes hardened. "Aid against Aizen. Yes, I know who he is, and yes, I know what he's done. He's done far, far worse in his time, and some of his actions affected not only myself, but every student that I have at the moment."

"And you want payback?"

"No you dimwit! We want justice for his crimes against us. And we'll gladly fight tooth and nail to get it, even if it means working alongside those elitist shinigami." Her hand flickered, a card appearing in it. "Come here tomorrow after school if you're interested. If not, then I don't give a damn." With that, she crushed out her cigarette against the brick wall and walked away, fading from view as she melted into the shadows. Ichigo fingered the card for a moment, before flipping it over and scanning it. One eyebrow rose. "Master Genkai's Self-Defense School?"

[Darkandus]

Now that's a concept I could get into.

[Tempest Kitsune]

Yeah. Characters I want to include, and their totems are: Yuusuke Urameshi (Thunderbird), Kuwabara Kazuma (Japanese Rhinoceros beetle), Uzumaki Naruto (Kitsune, of course), Hinata Hyuuga (bat, and there's a nice bit of tragedy involved with this one), Justy Ueki Tylor (Platypus, and yes, I can make it badass dammit!), Duo Maxwell (Golden Jackal).

[Dechstreme]

More badass than what I tried to do for a potential summon for Naruto?

[Tempest Kitsune]

Infinitely more so, if I do say so myself.

[Dechstreme]

heh. I just wish I could draw the image of the Biker Duckbills I saw in my mind. Then we could debate. I wonder if I could ask someone to draw that?

[Tempest Kitsune]

This one's a Ranma one where, after yet another incident involving the Neko-ken, Ranma decides to seek help that doesn't seem interested in either marrying him, molesting him, or outright killing him. He goes to speak to Hikaru Gosunkugi about possible methods the boy might know of, being something of the local occult expert.

Spoiler: show

Gos warily peered round the door at Ranma, who was standing there with an expression that bordered somewhere between embarrassed, and desperate. The embarrassment was easily identified: 'Afterall, who in their right mind would want to be seen hanging around the school's weirdest non-martial artist' Hikaru snorted to himself. The desperation, however, was somethign he'd never seen on the supremely confident teens face before. It looked... wrong. "Is there something that I can help you with, Saotome-san?" His voice was just shy of cold, and he was more than a little shocked to see the self-proclaimed "greatest martial artist ever", flinch as if struck, hard.

"Uh, can I come in? I got somthin to ask ya, and I really don't feel all that comfortable talkin 'bout it on the street." Ranma rubbed his left arm as he scanned the street, trying to hide his agitation.

For half a second, Gosunkugi considered simply slamming the door in the other boy's face. And then he squashed the thought, ruthlessly. Even if Ranma hadn't been particularly kind to him, he still hadn't gone out of his way to be mean. And Ranma's arrival had also seen a sharp drop in the bully population at Furinkan as well, so he at least owed the cursed boy a fair hearing about whatever it was. He opened the door all the way. "C'mon, my room's up and to the left. You want some juice or something?" Ranma shook his head in the negative as he stepped inside, quickly shucking his shoes and putting on house slippers. As Gos closed the door, he felt, more than heard, a sharp, high snarling sound, interspered with a crackling like static. Looking up at a small (but still potent) charm he'd convinced his mother to put over the door, he noted that the edges of the paper were now looking slightly charred. Something had tried to follow Ranma in, and had been repulsed.

And now Gos was more curious than ever about what it could be that had brought the teen to see him.

---
In a small cafe across the district, a wizened figure, barely larger than a child, spat a curse in Mandarin as her viewing globe flickered and died. 'Blast, and now it'll take weeks to lure the watcher-spirit back. What manner of barrier was that to stop it cold? And why would Son-in-Law be going to see a second-rate know-nothing of a non-combatant?" Kuh Lon, one of the Matriarchs of the Chinese Amazons, leaned back, took out a pipe that was nearly as tall as she was, and settled in to smoke, and think.
---

Gos sipped on his juice as he watched Ranma stalk around his room like a caged animal. He seemed to be trying to build up to something, but every time he looked to be about to speak, he sighed, deflated, and went back to pacing. After the sixth time this happened though, the entertainment value had fallen to zero, and Gos put his glass down on his desk. "So what's on your mind Saotome?" The other teen muttered something under his breath.

"Some of us don't have superhuman senses like you do Ranma. What did you say?"

"I said I need help, alright?!" Ranma snapped, head jerking up to pin Gos with his gaze. Ranma was a little unsettled when the other teen didn't react visibly to his outburst.

Instead, he steepled his fingers and looked over them at Ranma. "With what?"

"The neko-ken. You saw what nearly happened at school today, if Kasumi hadn't happened by with the bentos Akane and I had forgotten, I might have hurt someone!" Gos nodded, somewhat sympathetic. Another of Kuno's hair-brained schemes to defeat the "foul sorcerer" involving his "one weakness" of cats had backfired spectacularly, with Kuno attacked by a mob of howling felines. Unfortunately, Ranma had been cornered, and even though none of the cats had gone after him, the sheer noise of it had triggered the neko-ken. And Ranma's cat-side hadn't been in a particularly good mood. Even Akane had come away from that incident with a series of gashes along both arms from where she'd tried to simply grab hold of Ranma. He'd rounded on the student body, hissing and spitting as the ground was shredded by claws of ki. Only the timely appearance of Akane's saintly older sister had kept any serious amount of blood from being shed. Neko-Ranma had heard the girl calling him, and after receiving a thorough patting on the head, had fallen asleep in her lap, waking up moment later not knowing what had happened, as per usual. But Akane, and a horde of other bystanders had been quick to fill in the missing blanks in as brutally direct a manner possible. Ranma had fled, looking sick to his soul.

"I can see why you'd be looking for some way to counteract that particular phobia of yours. But why come to me?"

"Because out of all the people in the district, I'm pretty sure you're the only one with an inkling of power that hasn't got any real reason to hurt me. The old Ghoul would try to turn it so I owed her a favor and try to get me to marry her Shampoo. Pops and Tendo-san are worthless for anything more complicated than cheating at shogi and getting drunk, Nabiki would sell me out in a heartbeat, Happosai..." they both shuddered at the thought of what the ancient lecher would ask of Ranma for any sort of help, "and Doc Tofu's gone. You're the only person I could think of that might have some sort of answer, and wouldn't just hold it over my head to watch me jump." Gos raised one eyebrow, before lowering it, and choosing not to correct Ranma on that fact. The guy had a crappy enough life as it was, it would be cruel to disabuse him of the notion that Gos wouldn't be a petty brat when the mood struck him.

And he could see why Ranma was so desperate to find some way to counteract the damage the neko-ken training had dome to his psyche. Bad enough for the martial artist he couldn't control his body's shape, but to be unable to have complete and total control over his own mind? It was a disaster looking for a place to happen. And it would be in Gos' best interests to see to it that said disaster was averted. Whil he had no great love for most of his classmates, most of them were bearable people. "Alright Ranma. I'll try to help. And I think I might know something that could help you maintain control a little bit longer, enough time to make an escape anyway." So saying, Gos got up and began to dig around in his closet, before pulling out a small wooden amulet on a leather cord. The amulet itself was nothing fancy, a stylized bear, holding a decent-sized tooth in between it's front paws. On the back were several symbols, though in no language that Ranma recognized. "This pendant is a recreation of something that some tribes of Norsemen wore into battle. The bear-tooth and the image gave the warrior something to focus on, while the runes carved in the back serve as a metaphysical focus, channeling energy to fuel bravery." At Ranma's dissapointed look, Gos shrugged.

"I told you, this is just to help maintain control a bit longer when such situations come up. I'll need to research, and get in touch with some of my contacts to see what I might be able to do to help cure it completely." Ranma nodded mutely, accepting the amulet and sliding it over his neck, tucking it out of sight. When he spoke, his voice was subdued.

"Thanks Gos. This means a lot to me."

Gos shook his head, even as he was digging out a musty old tome written in English. "Thank me once we've got this mess sorted out."

From there it evolves into Gos getting a better view at how Ranma's supposedly charmed life (as seen by his classmates) is closer to a living hell that he doesn't even realize is a hell. Gos and Ranma become friends, and Gos stumbles across a ritual that can be used to "speak to your totem creature". Hypothesizing that if Ranma can make contact with his totem creature, together their combined wills could force out the neko-ken, or heal the damage, they attempt it. The ritual works, but some of the backlash hits Gos, who finds his formerly insignificant ki reserves growing, even as his own totem creature stirs in the back of his mind, while at the same time being drawn deeper and deeper into the chaos that is Ranma's life as he tries to help his new friend.

[gman391]

Well it has potential. A lot more than some other stories I've seen in the Ranma section on the Pit. ....hmmm should we get another community for awesome stories outside of HP and Naruto?

[Phht]

If we did, might as well make it generic so we don't have 251 different communities for various fandoms.

Also, I like the idea of Gos being more than 'occult loony' used for comedy relief or to get Ranma shifted to another universe for crossover purposes. "Second-rate know nothing" indeed! Obviously he isn't if it blocked her watcher spirit. :D

[Tempest Kitsune]

Yeah. I figured that after 300 years, Kuh Lon isn't going to have too good a view of the younger generations outside of her own village, or people who've "proved" themselves to her. And since Gos isn't even a ki user (at the moment) he's so far beneath her notice it's not even funny. And Gos actually has two advantages over her when it comes to occult knowledge. He's got a more open mind, and he's got more resources than she does when it comes to occult research. She's restricted to whatever she's learned or brought with her from Jusenkyo. He's got contacts throughout the entire country and even beyond thanks to a little thing I intend to introduce later called the mage-net. Forget crystal balls and scrying pools, the latest generation of magic users is digitally connected. Making it that much harder for the fossils to catch up to them, or intercept communications.

[Tempest Kitsune]

Okay, here's a new opening I put together for my "It's all Relative" bunneh.

Spoiler: show

Sarutobi stared at his desk, his pipe hanging from the corner of his mouth, unlit. His predecessor was dead, and the fools he'd sacrificed himself for had disregarded his last wish, to see the boy he'd sealed the Kyuubi into as a hero. It had been nearly two weeks since the attack, and still certain parties were clamoring to either have the boy killed off, or be turned into a weapon for Konoha to wield at it's leisure. His fingers clenched around the stem of his pipe as he remembred how Danzo had strutted like a prize rooster as he filled the civilian members of the council's heads with images of easily won battles and other nations making concession after concession to Konoha. Luckily the Clan Heads were a bit more realistic about what would likely happen, and had sided with him in shooting Danzo down, in flames. A timid sounding knock at his door had him looking up, to see his assistant poking her head through the door. "Yes?"

"Hokage-sama, there are four men here to see you." She paused, before hurriedly saying the next sentence. "They have a letter bearing the Fourth's seal." That grabbed the old man's attention.

"Show them in please."

"Of course Hokage-sama."

After a moment, four men entered his office, their posture casual, almost indifferent. The leader let out a low whistle. "Nice digs old man, though that stack of paperwork would look better with a lit match thrown on it." A forest green suit hung on the young man's (practically still a teen, Sarutobi mused) lean shoulders, while his dark hair was slicked back, held in place by what looked like a copious amount of gel. Brown eyes scanned the office, a spark of mischief lurking in them, while his mouth was crooked into an irreverent grin.

The second one was a bit more intimidating. Tall and broad, he towered over the other three, a good head and a half taller than the one in front. His dress appeared to consist of a white overcoat, bandages wrapped around his lower torso, and a pair of white khaki pants. One of Sarutobi's eyebrows rose when he spotted a wooden training sword, a shinai, stuck through the teen's belt. His face was more angular than the teen in front of him, almost thuggish, he would have been forced to say, though he'd lucked out and managed to stay just this side of "rugged".

In sharp contrast, the third teen was somewhat effeminate looking, with long blood-red locks and wide green eyes. He was dressed in a a set of white silks that were trimmed in gold. Looking past the group, he could see his secretary, and more than a few kunoichi staring after him, raw lust in their eyes. He turned his attention back to the teen, and was hardly surprised to see a soft smile and a mischievous twinkle in those emerald orbs. The lad knew what effect he was having on the ladies, that was for certain.

The final figure was short, and dark. If it hadn't been for the shockingly tall head of hair and the mode of dress, Sarutobi would have almost have pegged the boy as Itachi. His cool, assessing gaze was eerily similar to the Uchiha prodigy's. But after meeting the teen's gaze head-on, Sarutobi had to correct himself. There could be no mistaking this one for Itachi, not with eyes that sizzled with a hint of smug superiority and a bit of manic humor under a veneer of deadly seriousness. The teen's mouth quirked upwards slightly at the corners in a small grin, as if he'd noted Sarutobi's evaluation, and found it funny somehow. The Professor gathered his thoughts as all four of them assembled in front of his desk. The brown-eyed boy to the front, the red-head and black-haired teen flanking him, and the orange-haired ruffian looming at the back, arms crossed over his chest and looking decidely serious.

"I was informed that you four are in possesion of a scroll bearing the Yondaime's seal?" The brown-eyed youth smirked, producing a scroll from his sleeve and spinning it on one fingertip as he held it up.

"Yeah, we mighta said somethin to that effect. Catch Old Man!" The scroll was flicked in the Hokage's direction, who snatched it out of the air, a tiny grin tugging at either side of his mouth at the blatant disrespect. After having his wrinkled old butt kissed by ocuncil members day and night now that he was back in office, it was rather refreshing.

What he read however, had what little good mood he'd been experiancing draining out of him like a receding tide.

'Sarutobi, if you're reading this, then the sealing worked and the Kyuubi has been contained. I've made arrangements for my son's protection after the sealing is over. The young men who have no doubt caused no little stir by their appearance in your office with this seal, are those arrangements. Now don't frown at me like that, you've got enough wrinkles as it is!' Sarutobi let out a dry chuckle, 'While I know that Konoha has a lot of good people in it, they're still human. After a loss as large as this promises to be, I've no doubt they're looking for a scapegoat. The Kyuubi would be gone, and all that would remain is a small child, helpless before them if not for you. I know you think I'm a little naive, but even I'm not that stupid. People will pay lip-service to whatever measures you take to keep the kid protected, while searching out that one moment when s/he's unguarded to slip a kunai into their skull. The thought sickens me, but I know that at least a few will be driven to attempt revenge. My experiences in the war with Iwa taught me that much. So I've arranged something even as the fox approaches, thanks to some information from my beautiful, genius of a wife.

These four are students of Reikosei no Genkai. The Reikei Genkin.' Sarutobi gaped at the four youths before him, assessing them now in terms of fighters, not simply travelers. His eyes narrowed slightly. Oh, these four were good. Even he had missed it, but looking at them with this new information, he was able to discern the constant sweeping of the room by the leader hidden in his curious random looks around. The other three were relaxed, almost unnaturally so, allowing them to spring into action at a second's notice. He caught the eye of the tallest one, and the man nodded once, as if knowing the question that was burning through his brain. He returned to the letter.

'I'm not sure what they look like, Kushina didn't have any pictures of them. Apparently they came through Uzu no Kuni before it fell while on a training trip with their master. She said that Genkai was an inspiration to her, and that she'd patterned a few of her more... endearing personality traits off of the older woman. My point, however, is that she trusts them, with her life if need be. And so I am going to trust them with something far more precious than my own life. I've contracted their services for the next fifteen years to look after our child, protect them, and teach them what they can so s/he can defend themselves. There are provisos in the contract that allow them to take jobs on the side so long as at least two of them remain in Konoha with the child at all times, and they not take any jobs offered by enemies of Konoha. They are also outside of the chain-of-command in Konoha, only answering to you when matters pertain directly to my child's well-being. And it's iron-clad, not even Danzo will find a loophole in this. I know because I just summoned Ma Toad and had her go over it. Pa may be a fighting fool, but Ma's got cunning in spades, and she's got that twisted female mindset that us mere males find so impossible to comprehend.' There was a large blotch right after that, indicating that Ma had probably been reading over his shoulder, and whacked him one with her cane. 'Well Saru, that's about it. I'll let them fill you in on any details that I may have missed.' And scrawled at the bottom was Minato's signature. Sarutobi looked up from the scroll, his gaze serious.

"So, you four are the famous Reikei Genkin. I must say, if I was ever expecting to meet you, I'd have thought you'd be a bit... older."

The leader shrugged. "Eh, no problem old man, we get it all the time. Name's Yuusuke, also known as Moukin no Urameshi. I believe you know my sister and the rat bastard she married?" Sarutobi nodded slowly. He remembered Urameshi's appearance at the Hyuuga head's wedding now. They'd had to turn the crater from the fight at the reception into a koi pond. "And this is Nobara no Kurama," the redhead bowed politely from the waist, "Kagehiruu no Hiei," the small teen grunted as he shifted his weight, and the big guy at our back is Kenkaru no Kuwabara."

"It's an honor ta metcha Sandaime-sama, just wish it was under better circumstances," Kuwabara rumbled out. Yuusuke clapped his hands together.

"So, where is the little bundle of joy and happyness?" The smile he gave Sarutobi had the older man suddenly envisioning what the son of Minato and Kushina would turn out like under the tutalage of this young man and his teammates. He wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry.

[Ironwolf]

My question is, do you think that Yuusuke and co. would be the type of people to track down Jiraiya and make him a part of Naruto's life or else, damn it?

[Tempest Kitsune]

If they knew that he's Naruto's god-father? I think Jiraiya would find himself trussed up in poison ivy and being flown back to Konoha on the back of Yuusuke's summon. I haven't decided if that was information that Minato or Kushina let them know about Jiraiya beyond him being Minato's teacher, which is fairly common knowledge anyway.

[Ironwolf]

I do not see why that information would be withheld from them, its important information concerning their client, and as such information that they would likely need, the only reason why they wouldn't be told is if knowing would put their charge into some kind of danger.

[Tempest Kitsune]

Okay, here's one that was inspired by the "Let's hire some hit-wizards!" bunneh.

Spoiler: show

Harry's fingers beat a nervous tattoo on the arm of the wooden chair he was sitting in. Things had gotten bad after Dumbledore had died. The Order had gone to pieces, the Ministry seemed to be in league with the Death Eaters, and Azkaban had been emptied of prisoners and used as a sort of concentration camp for "dissenters". Harry and his friends were desperate, and that desperation was what had caused him to latch on to a comment by Mundungus Fletcher made in passing while speaking about Death Eaters.

"Cor', if I 'ad the coin I'd 'ire me some professionals ta be takin' care o this lot."

Harry had rounded on him. "What do you mean "professionals"?"

"Hit Wizards lad. Mercenaries an bounty 'unters the lot o them, but most stick to some form o code or another. Even if it tain't a pleasent one."

"And you actually know some of these people?!"

"Not a one lad, more's the pity; though I may know a feller who knows a feller that has the connections to get the word out; if'n yer lookin to hire."

That conversation had ended up leading Harry a merry chase through Dung's convulted web of contacts and informants to get where he was now. A small office building in Greater Manchester, having just politely declined an offer for a beverage from a pretty red-headed secretary with a glint of mischief in her eye. After a few more minutes, the phone on the desk rang. The girl picked it up, listened for a moment, then put it back down. "He'll see you now, Mr. Diggory." Harry got up and made his way through the door, to find himself in a comfortable office, with a laser-intense blue gaze watching him from across a wide oak desk.

"Have a seat son." The man across the desk was old, hair and close-cropped beard both a dark white in color. He was dressed in a tailored dark brown suit, a single ring, a wedding band, glinting on his finger as he gestured at a comfy chair across from him. Harry sat, and started to relax marginally.

"So I've been told you're looking to hire a certain type of individual Mr. Potter. A lot of them, if my information is correct."

And there was a tension headache, right on cue. Harry began to subtly reach for his wand.

"No need for that Mr. Potter, I'm not friend of Snake Face." Harry just looked at the man, who sighed dramatically, before rolling up the sleeves of his suit. "See, no damned ugly tattoo." Harry relaxed marginally.

"In that case Mr.... Wolf," Dung's contacts had some of the oddest names. Seriously, "Old Wolf"? "Your information is correct. The situation here in Britain is a farce. The Ministry has done nothing to improve anything, and in most cases made things worse, and the average witch or wizard has been burying their heads in the sand. And so far as I know, any underground resistance is a token force, at best. I was told that you were the man to speak to about hiring people who knew their way around a wand, and weren't afraid to fight; so long as the galleons are good of course."

"Of course Mr. Potter. Are there any restrictions on whom you wish to hire?"

Harry looked confused now. "Restrictions?"

"Do you wish to only hire humans? Most wizards and witches here in the Isles are a bit leery of working with any other species."

"I don't care what their species is, where they're from, or what they look like. If they're willing to come and fight, they're welcome."

Wolf steepled his hands for a moment, looking at a picture on his desk that Harry couldn't see.

"Four days."

"Sir?"

"Give me four days to put together a team for your inspection, and negotiate their contracts. Usually I could do it sooner, but the personnel I'm thinking will benefit you most are hard to get ahold of. Should you find them acceptable, a direct withdrawal from Gringotts will take place once you sign the contract, which will put said team directly under your command for the duration of the contract. How long do you need these people for?"

"As long as it takes. Money should be no object."

"A renewal clause until the client has determined the requested job to be fully completed then," the man muttered to himself.

---

Four days later found Harry in the same office building, though now he was being led down instead of up to the second floor by Mr. Wolf. Opening a door, the old man went through first, followed closely by Harry. Who promptly stopped short as he caught his first sight of the team that Old Wolf had called together.

"Mr. Potter, allow me to introduce Sage," A centaur, wearing a flak jacket over his human torso and some sort of armor that was draped over his equine nether regions. Two long black metal cases were attached to his flanks, hanging from hooks attached to a harness. "Buzzsaw," A goblin, though dressed smartly in a camouflage patterned jumpsuit and toying with a wicked looking serrated knife. "Asani," what looked at first glance to be a gigantic snake turned out to be so much more, with a humanoid torso covered in a flak jacket with bulging pockets and an equally bulging belt of pouches, arms, and dark, intelligent eyes. His scales were a dull olive green color, but his mouth, which he opened to yawn, was as black as pitch and packed with deadly looking fangs. "Gunther," This one was human, though he was about he most nondescript person Harry had ever laid eyes on, even down to his robes. Harry almost felt like he was under the effects of a "notice-me-not" spell even as he looked the man in his eyes. "Yensen," A dwarf this time, with a short-cropped sandy beard and hair, goggles over his eyes and some sort of device in his ears. He was fiddling with a small square device. "And finally Raj," as severe looking Indian man, dressed in muggle clothing and absently twirling a wand through his fingers. "I hope they meet your criteria, as they are the very best in their fields."

*And here are their specialties:

Sage = Sniper
Buzzsaw = Close Combat, knife expert
Asani = Infiltration, Assassin, Ward/Curse Breaker
Gunther = Recon, Hand-to-Hand, Duelist
Yensen = Intel/Communications Expert
Raj = Master Level Wand Fighter

[gman391]

Looks nice. For some reason I was having them all come from across the Pond but the Indian fellow was a nice touch.
Hope this ends up as a real story somewhere.

[Tempest Kitsune]

They are all from across the Pond.

Sage is former American Special Forces. Those cases? Sniper rifles on par with Seras Victoria's anti-tank gun. Asani is a Naga hailing from Africa, whose base species is the Black Mamba. Gunther is German, while Yensen is from Georgia (no, not the state). Buzzsaw is the only English one, and he's kind of the Goblin equivalent of Dobby.

[gman391]

I meant across the Atlantic specifically North America. And why no Canadian love? Sasquatch? Whatever you have fun with it.

[Tempest Kitsune]

Got another part of "It's All Relative" put together.

Spoiler: show

Yuusuke whistled, partially to himself, and partially to keep his passenger amused, as he walked down the village street. It'd been a little less than three years since he and his crew had made Konoha their new stomping grounds, and things were looking good. All four of them were still sharp as ever thanks to no end of Konoha nin wanting to test themselves against the mercs, and they'd even picked up a few new tricks to incorporate into their styles. Speaking of challengers...

"DYNAMIC-"

"Baby on board Gai!" Yuusuke called out with a smirk. The smirk widened to a devilish grin as he heard a muted "uh-oh", followed by a crash as Maito Gai changed course at the last second, and failed to stick his landing. There was a shout, a quick apology and the tinkle of money changing hands to pay for damages. A moment later, and the green-clad Special Jounin was jogging next to Yuusuke.

"How goes it my youthful companion?" Gai was normally very boisterous, but a few times using his "normal" tone of voice around Naruto and making the kid cry, he'd learned to tone it down. Especially after Hiei had taken him aside and said a few short sentences in his ear. No one was sure what he'd said, but it'd put a decibel cap on Gai when he was around the Genkin and their charge. Yuusuke had to admit, wardrobe choices and volume-level aside, he liked Gai. He was probably the only active duty ninja in this entire village that he or Kuwabara could go up against in a straight-up knock-down drag-out rumble without worrying about killing them by accident that wasn't ANBU, and he was actually pretty intelligent to boot, once you got past the whole "flames of youth" thing.

"Eh, on my way to visit my sister and see how the incoming bouncing baby brat is making her life." Yuusuke was beaming as he said this though, belying his true feelings about the prospect of becoming an uncle once again. "And this one is on his way to his first ever sleep-over for Hinata-chan's birthday," he gestured down at Naruto, who was strapped to his chest, and giggling madly as he watched one of his "brothers" interact with Gai.

Yuusuke smiled even wider as he remembered the first time he'd brought Naruto over for his sister and niece to see. The kid had started crawling around the playpen that he was sharing with the little girl, before fixating on Hinata's shiny raven-wing hair. Being at that phase, he'd crawled over and given it a tug, making Hinata start to cry. Haruka had gotten up to disengage them, but Yuusuke had beaten her too it.

"Hey, Naruto, stop that!" The blue-eyed baby had dropped Hinata's hair, letting her crawl away, and turned to regard his caretaker. Who had taken one of the spiky blond locks in two fingers, and tugged just as hard as Naruto had Hinata's hair. The baby had immediately teared up, and Yuusuke had released the lock of hair.

"Doesn't feel too good, does it?" Naruto had gurgled, and then crawled back over to Hinata, bringing one of the soft toy blocks that Yuusuke had brought with them, and offering it to the sniffling little girl, cooing something that to Urameshi, had sounded like an apology in baby-talk. Hinata had accepted the block, and after both of them cooing and gurgling back and forth, they'd started playing with the blocks, everything apparently forgiven. Of course, Yuusuke scowled slightly, then Hiashi had had to come in and make a damn scene, scaring the kids with some killing intent when he saw Naruto, until he'd been forcibly removed by Yuusuke's flying tackle. At least it had been a good fight, he reminded himself, good mood returning.

"Surprised you're not with the rest of the guys patrolling the walls and everything, since we've got that entourage from Kumo coming in today," Yuusuke mentioned offhand. Gai looked sheepish for a moment.

"Lemme guess," Yuusuke chuckled, "that one medic pulled you off duty like she'd been threatening to do?"

"It was only a torn ligament! How was I supposed to know that Komiko-san would throw a fit over it?"

"Dude, I'm pretty sure she likes you, and doesn't like it when you're hurting yourself like that."

"Green-bean!" Naruto crowed from his place on Yuusuke's chest, attempting to wiggle out of the toddler-pack and stretching his arms out towards Gai. Gai gave a small grimace, before chuckling and tickling the boy lightly under the chin, eliciting a burst of giggles from the blond. One of the boy's first words had been the nickname that Kuwabara had stuck him with, and while it was hardly flattering, it wasn't derogatory in the slightest either, unlike some other things people had called him when they thought he couldn't hear them, so he'd learned to live with it. After a moment Naruto shoved "Puu", a curious looking stuffed toy that Yuusuke had given him, in his face. Gai smiled gently, and patted the toy on the head in greeting as well. He always wondered where Yuusuke had gotten such an odd-looking thing, but Naruto seemed to love it and the squeaky cooing sounds it made when squeezed at times.

*Later that night*

The masked man was silent as death as he made his way through the compound. He'd managed to avoid the Hyuuga patrols thanks to the information his faction had received, and was even now outside the nursery room of the Hyuuga heir. He grinned to himself beneath the seal-covered mask; the key to fame and power in his home village lay just beyond this door. Sliding it open and ghosting in, he paused as he got a good look in the crib. Two children were sleeping there! One was his target, but the other was an unknown; blond haired and clutching at one of the ugliest stuffed animals he'd ever seen. The man paused, wasting precious seconds as he ran several scenarios through his mind, before making his decision. He'd take both. Any child that the Hyuuga allowed to share the clan heir's crib was obviously worth quite a bit in ransom. He reached forward to grab the two brats and make his getaway.

That's when the plushy looked at him.

He froze. Blinked. And then reached for a kunai.

The piercing battle-scream of a bird of prey tore out of the toy's mouth, before it launched itself at him, managing to slam into his solar plexus with the top of its head and then bouncing off the floor and walls like a demented blue and black pinball with talons. Panicking, he managed to grab both brats, not having the time to apply the sleep genjutsu that he'd wanted to use, and bolted. They both woke up and began to scream as well. Killer intent flared in several parts of the compound, though most of it was overshadowed by four signatures heading in his direction from deeper in the village, before they went out like candles in a gale.

He managed to make it over the walls of the compound, somehow, and was dashing through the woods towards the wall. There was a small escape route that they'd planned out, and according to the map and schedule his team had obtained, it was only a quarter of a mile from the wall he'd gone over to it, and it would be unguarded.

Halfway there, his slim chances of escape evaporated. A vine of some sort lashed out of the undergrowth, unnaturally long thorns piercing his ankles and tearing at his flesh even as they bound his feet together. He stumbled, and the children flew from his arms. He reached for them, not out of any sense of protection, but because they were his ticket to the top. There was a flash of steel, and he was left dumbfounded, looking at the cauterized stubs of his wrists, even as a large man in white leaped out of the underbrush, managing to safely catch both children in midair, turning and holding them tight to his chest so they couldn't see the blood gushing from their kidnapper's wounds. Hiei landed, and with a flick of his wrist, extinguished the blue flames on his blade even as he nodded in approval at Kuwabara's reaction.

"Kurama," Yuusuke's voice was ice as he stepped out of the shadows, a gigantic shape shuffling along on the ground behind him, somehow managing to stay hidden in the shadows, "Keep him alive. I wanna know who it was that thought they could steal my niece and our ward and get away with it, and dead men tell no tales."

At that moment, there was a crashing in the underbrush, before a wild-eyed Hiashi emerged. Seeing the man lying prostrate on the ground, he leapt forward with a snarl on his lips, even as the killing intent he gave off caused both children to shriek in terror and bury their faces in Kuwabara's shoulders once more. Yuusuke moved like lightning, catching his brother-in-law in a sleeper hold.

"CALM DOWN DAMMIT! The kids are safe! But if you kill this guy now, we'll never get any answers!" He kept the hold until Hiashi stopped struggling. "You gonna be rational about this now?"

Hiashi's answer was muffled, but it was loud enough to be interpreted as "yes".

"Good, I'm gonna let you go now." Acting on this, Yuusuke let Hiashi go, before moving over to the downed man, who was unconscious thanks to a nerve strike from Kurama, who in turn was binding the wounds he'd inflicted. The two of them exchanged looks, before Yuusuke nodded.

"Kuwabara, take the kids back to the compound and stand watch. Make sure my sister knows that her husband is with us and that he's unharmed. Hiei, go wake up the Hokage. Kurama, you take the prisoner and Hiashi to his office. I'll be there in a bit."

---

Twenty-three minutes later found two of the four mercenaries in the Hokage's office with Hiashi, the still-masked kidnapper, and Sarutobi himself. There was a knock at the door, and when Sarutobi bade them enter, the entire delegation from Kumo was ushered into the room by Yuusuke, who subtly locked the doors as soon as he was through, Hiei flickers to stand next to him. The civilian spokesman for the delegation stepped forward. "What is the meaning of this Hokage-sama? Why have we been routed from our beds and told you needed to see us for an "important matter"?"

Instead of Sarutobi, Kurama was the one who answered. "Exactly half an hour ago, this man infiltrated the Hyuuga compound, and attempted to kidnap both the Clan Heir Hinata, and the ward of the Reikei Genkin. He was caught in the act, and attempted to flee with the children, but was apprehended and neutralized as a threat, permanently, by one of our number." Several of the delegates gasped and went pale as they saw that the masked man had lost both his hands. "I believe you're all already familiar with him?" With that Kurama whipped the mask off, allowing all present to see the face of the head Kumo-nin delegate. "Please note that he is still alive, though I doubt he will be very thankful when he wakes." Kurama's tone was clinical, even as he assessed the expressions of every Kumo-nin and citizen in the room. Hiashi had his Byakugan active as well, while Sarutobi merely scowled at the assembled personages. The pulsing sources of killing intent at their backs had all of them afraid to turn and see what Yuusuke and Hiei's expressions might be.

Sarutobi spoke then. "Now then, I believe your original purpose here was to talk terms of a peace treaty. Those talks will be suspended until I receive a message back from the Raikage in response to the missive I sent him just now. Until then, you will all be guests of our T&I unit." Several ANBU appeared in puffs of smoke. "You will not be harmed, physically, but I assure you, any involvement in this kidnapping attempt will come to light!" After the ANBU had escorted the last mobile Kumo personnel out, and dragged the comatose leader out as well, Sarutobi turned to look at the four other men in his office.

"How are the children faring?" Yuusuke scowled.

"About as well as can be expected. They're terrified out of their minds. And this idiot," he glared at Hiashi, "didn't help things at all when he slammed into the clearing blaring killing intent and frothing at the mouth like a mad fucking dog!" Hiashi opened his mouth angrily, but Yuusuke held up one hand, "I can appreciate the sentiment Hiashi, believe me, but the way you went about things? I'm thinking that neither one of the kids is gonna want to come anywhere near you for a good long while." Hiashi seemed to deflate suddenly, looking lost.

"I was just so worried, and scared, and angry, and-"

"You lost focus." Hiei's voice held no accusation, only clinical detachment similar to what Kurama's voice had held earlier. "You only saw that someone was trying to hurt your family, and so you tried to hurt them back even worse. But in doing so, you lost sight of the fact that the children were still. There." Now there was an edge to his voice that would put his blade to shame, "They may not have seen much, but they felt the bloodlust you were giving off, and they're too young to understand the entire reason behind it. Even if the others are able to convince them that you were not aiming any of those feelings in their direction, they will still be unnerved around you. It may take years to undo what you have wrought by accident tonight."

Hiashi just looked at his hands, the normally stoic and aloof Clan Head looking nothing short of utterly lost. Yuusuke gently laid one hand on his shoulder.

"I may not agree with a lot of the shit that the Hyuuga do Hiashi, but I'm willin to help you with this at least. Now come on, maybe between the five of us, we can get the kids calmed down all the way." With a gentle ease, he helped Hiashi to his feet, and then led the man out of the office, Hiei and Kurama preceding them. "We'll talk tomorrow Old Man," he tossed over his shoulder before the door swung shut.

Sarutobi sat, puffing on his pipe for a few moments, before looking out the window at the monument. "Ah my young friend, you were wiser than I first thought when you picked those young men to protect your son. They did the Leaf a great service today." The Fourth's eyes seemed to catch the moonlight for a moment, twinkling. 'Probably just some exposed rock crystals," Sarutobi mused to himself, before heading to his personal chambers connected to the office. He was going to have to be here early anyway to assure the civilian council that everything was fine and the situation had been resolved.