D&D Harry Potter

[SLAMU]

As posted in the plot bunny thread, the possiblity of a D&D-playing Harry came up. This idea hasn't been leaving me alone, so I'll post what came to me while I had access to pen and paper.

---

“Think about it Hermione, it makes dramatic sense. The young Dumbledore befriends another young, brilliant wizard. Suddenly, in the dark of the night, the other young man disappears for many years, only to reappear as the wizarding equivalent of Adolf Hitler.”
“Who?” Ron asked, looking up from feeding Scabbers some caramel popcorn. The little rodent seemed addicted to the stuff, and their group always made sure to set out a separate bowl just for him.
“Muggle Dark Lord, active around the same time as Grendalwald..” Hermione shot offhand.
“So, after searching for years for the dark forces that corrupted his friend, Dumbledore confronts Grindlewald and defeats him. In their battle, Dumbledore learns something that damages his ability to trust people. Or something. Maybe Grindlewald read some pages of the Necrombicon to him, I don’t know.”
“What, and Dumbledore lost his ability to not trust people? I find that hard to believe.” Hermione arched her brow and slumped back in her chair, an expectant look on her face.
“Hey, SAN loss is SAN loss.” Harry said defensively. “Anyway, he retreats from public life in grief, never finding the dark cabal that turned his friend. So, after Dumbledore retreats to a life of teaching, the dark cabal tries again, setting up a new Dark Lord. This time, though, Dumbledore spends all his energy fighting Voldemort rather than figuring out who is pulling the strings. This, I’m guessing, lets them move pretty much unopposed, so as soon as they completed their objectives, Voldimort disappears without a trace. To make it look like Voldimort lost, they attacked my parent’s house and killed my mum and dad, but left me alive. I’m also guessing that they might have given me this scar too, to make it look like I defeated him.” Harry snorted. “That’s where they messed up, I think. No one has ever survived the killing curse, so it is unlikely that some child did. But, everyone wants to think he’s gone, so they buy it. Wizard’s First Rule.” Harry leaned back, into the chair, lightly gnawing on his knuckle as he stared into the dying fire. “Only Dumbledore isn’t fooled. I don’t know how much he might know or suspect, but Dumbledore’s pretty canny. I’m guessing that he doesn’t think that Voldimort’s gone, but I’m also willing to bet that he buys the ‘Boy Who Lived’ line. He would want to believe too, and I doubt that he’s caught onto the Dark Cabal yet either.”
“What makes you convinced that there is some cabal?” Hermione asked. “Conspiracy theories are easy to make up, but that doesn’t mean they are true.”
“First off, because there already are secret cabals. What else do you consider the Statute of Secrecy? It’s one big coverup that magic exists. Second, because too much doesn’t add up. Why am I alive if I was hit by the killing curse? Why were there two dark lords in such close succession, with such similar goals? Third, why did so many former supporters of Voldimort get off? I’m sure that each individual case seems simple enough; a bit of bribery and blackmail here, some shaky evidence over there, the occasional sob story, but taken as a whole, the setup garuntees that most of his power base will be there if Voldimort comes back. If not now, then in a few years when those that opposed him have had a chance to grow soft. Dumbledore’s not getting any younger. Unless he has some method of extending his life, which I rather doubt, he doesn’t have too much longer. Once Dumbledore’s gone, then I’d think a lot of options open up. Although…” Harry’s eyes came back into focus and looked at Ron. “How old is Dumbledore? Is it unusual?”
Ron shrugged. “Over a century, so he’s pretty old. But my Great-Aunt Bagatha died at 214, and looked it. She had a stroke while yelling at a waiter at a muggle resturaunt. I remember that the funeral was open casket, because everyone wanted to be sure Old Bag was dead. Or something like that, it was a while back.” Ron popped another handful of popcorn in his mouth. “Are you telling me that you think that Voldimort’s not dead, and he’s got a boss?”
“Harry shrugged. “Or bosses, although that’s just a guess. Who knows, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe he’s dead and I really am The Boy Who Lived. I guess there’s a first time for everything.”
“I hope so mate. That bit you spouted is just bleedin’ scary.”
---

The three students stood in the middle of a room surrounded by vessels containing liquids of all descriptions, a sheet of instructions sat by the main pedestal. Hermione was busy deducing which of the various goblets and chalices wouldn’t poison them outright. Harry had Ron’s robes off, checking to see if he was seriously hurt. So far, it looked like mostly some scratches from flying shrapnel, but the way he was holding himself made him think that he was hurt worse, possibly something internal.
“I think I have it.” Hermione’s voice called out. She pointed at one goblet full of a muddy greenish-brown substance. “This one will let you go through the blue flames. These,” she gestured at a pair of oblong vaselike containers with orange fumes coming out “should get you through the orange ones.”
Harry made p his mind. “Alright, I’ll go on ahead. You two go back and warn whoever you can find. Hermione, get Ron to Madame Pomfrey, and-“
“I’m so stupid!” Hermione’s outburst caught the two boys by surprise. “I mean, when I figured out which one was the right one, I thought that was it, but notice how it’s full?” At their uncomprehending gazes, she explained. “All the other rooms had evidence that someone’s been through. Fluffy’s been knocked out, and so has the troll, the key was rumpled-“
“yeah, we get it.”
“But the chess board wasn’t! It was ready for a game. It must have reset. What if this room reset too?” She rummaged through her bag for a moment before pulling out a pair of vials. One was filled with the muddy potion, and she set it back. After a couple of seconds, more began to appear in the bottom.
“Okay, but we still need to get a message out.”
“I got-“ Ron coughed again, then wiped the side of his mouth with his sleeve. “I got that one, mate. Hermione, feel like writing out whatever you want to say?”
Hermione reached into her bookbag and pulled out a bit of parchment and wrote on it with a pen she kept with her. After jotting down a quick note and signed it, she handed it to Ron, who folded it up into a paper airplane. “Learned this one from Dad. They use these to send messages in the Ministry.” Tapping it three times with his wand, he said “Office of the Deputy Headmistress, rather bloody urgent.” The note shook itself, circled the room once, and zipped out the door.
“Any other objections, hero?” Hermione asked sweetly.
“Yeah, Ron’s hurt and needs help.” Harry shot back. Why wouldn’t they understand this wasn’t a game? Ron was already hurt, if they were right, then they could die, and he didn’t know what he would do if- He stopped that line of thought.
“Actually mate, I’m feelin’ a lot better now. I guess all I needed was a short break, you know? Besides, I just got a crazy idea. You know all the damage Neville causes in Potions when he’s not trying?” He gestured at all the bottles lining the wall and grinned. “I bet someone could make a hell of a mess with all of this.”
Harry caught on first. “So you’re saying…”
Ron grinned. “Stage two: loot.”
Hermione shook her head exasperatedly, but had a grin nonetheless. “We can mix some of them together to get some…interesting results, but leave these four” she pointed to a set of goblets she set aside earlier “as they are. Those are poison, and should do quite well enough to ruin someone’s day. In fact,” she took out several more vials and filled them, took some masking tape from her bag and labled them. “A little something for later, I think.”
“Alright, plan of attack. Harry and I will go through first and trigger anything they have set up. Hermione, you follow under the cloak. You’re the best of us with spellwork, so if we get into trouble you’re our ace up the sleeve. They’re going to expect Harry, and if I go with him they’ll think I’m all the help he brought with him. The cloak should be your best chance to get into position to do something.” Hermione felt that there was something that he wasn’t saying, but this wasn’t the time to try and figure it out. She reached out a hand to help pull him up. Feeling wetness, she shpt him a look. As she opened her mouth to say something though, he just shook his head a little.
Deciding to trust him on this, and promising herself that there would be words when this was all through, especially with red headed idiots who didn’t know when to stop, she reached for the invisibility cloak.

[Kirai]

Bloody fckin brilliant! Please, Please continue. And flesh it out a bit?^^

[Random_fan]

I really like what you've got there and hope there's more to come.

[Aldraia Dragonsong]

This is quite amusing.
Watch the quotation marks though, they keep appearing in the wrong places. Also, it should be "Voldemort", not "Voldimort" -you used the correct spelling the first time but for some reason you then reverted to an incorrect one.
Other than that, quite good. Do continue.
I wonder how D&D!Hogwarts will interact with Umbridge.

[Calinero]

Hah. Please make there be a Tomb of Horros reference!

[SLAMU]

Sadly, I have neither played the module, nore have enough ranks in the lore to pull one off. I suppose I could try, and hope that I get something almost right, but no promises.

Anyway, I'm thinking that when Umbrige takes over, they start playing Dark Heresy in the common room. Purely a coincedence, I assure you Madame Inquisitor. Would you consider yourself a Monodominist? Of course you would, how silly to ask. Oh, this? This is a mere game, a muggle version of exploding snap almost. Sadly, the game makes you imagine the exlosions on your own. There are some aids for that but, you know how muggle devices work around Hogwarts. Care for a game? No? How silly of us, of course you are far too busy. A shame, really. Still, all for the Minister, of course. Yes, of course. Good day to you.

Bitch.

On a related note, how would a Harry that has years of playing as a DM handle things like the Triwizard Tournement? I've got this image of him circumventing the Second Task, possibly by asking the Merfolk nicely ahead of time or something, and not getting it when the judges get all in a tizzy trying to figure out how to award points for him. Dumbledore's all "Why yes, quite cunning. More wizardkind should try to talk to our magical brethren, rather than fighting." While Maxine and Karkaroff are trying to explain to the old coot that this was supposed to be a test of magical skill and aptitude, not a linguistics course.

Hopefully, Harry and company angage in all manner of loopholes that by the time the third test comes around, there is a half hour breifing on what is and is not allowed in the match, covering things that most people wouldn't even consider. "The carring of non-wand equipment, including but not limited to ten foot poles, collapable or otherwise, mirrors, Fanged Frisbees, Peruvian Darkness Powder, Eggy-In-A-Basket, three weeks trail rations, rope, string or yarn, the Holy Handgrenades of Antioch, Acre, or Timbuktu, nor their unhallowed bretheren, roosters, Blast-Ended Skrewt treats, 20 lbs of Flubberworms, firewhiskey in any amount, Sneaking Sneakers, Shuffling Shoes, Booming Boots, or any other form of enchanted footwear, caltrops (bouncing or otherwise) a "+3 dagger" of silver, cold iron or adamintine, the left haunch of a gazelle or antilope, Extendable Ears, Portable Holes, self-stirring caulrons, phylacteries, a rowboat, sparkplugs, fireplugs, firelegs, fire fighters, freedom fighters, pit fighters, pit bulls, red bulls, red barons, blue barons, blue balls, charity balls, big balls (for fancy dress) the last mortal remains of J Edger Hoover, imitations of the Crown Jewls, the actual Crown Jewels, cheap novelty mugs, a tie, scarf, or crevatte, a letter of credit from any banking firm or institution valued at more than 750 galleons, blue paint, red paint, paint balls, a Shi Tzu or terrior of any sort, dirty socks, dryer sheets, Cockroach Clusters, an umbrella, anything manufactured by Umbrella Corp., a 70 watt lightbulb, phonebooks, bridge building equipment, playing cards, Floo Powder, hags teeth, "extract of 4chan", whatever that is, a noose, Implacible Airman Higgs, 45 gallons of toothpase, a weasel, ferret, or stoat, nor any member of Hufflepuff nor Slytheren house (save for those competing as champions), a lead pipe, toilet seat from a girl's lavatory, shower curtains, Lawrencium 235, any isotope with more than four vowls, vampire hair, poisoned dragon's liver, a bedknob nor broomstick, a Walther PPK, saltpetere, salt pork, porkbarrel, the keel to any riverboat, barber's tools, a hedge trimmer, hedgehogs, soda, floss, spandex, latex body suits that are not of government issue, dragonhide gloves, Indominatable Undies, Indefatagable Undies, undies of any sort, three frnch hens, two turtle doves, a raindeer named Prancer or Donner, parchment, a two-man saw, cables, dentures belonging to anyone in the audience, a rocket ship named "Lucy", a torch, Omnioculars, or anything ending with "ito", is not permitted.

Yeah, that joke ran long. Probably need dialouge from other people in there to help break it up. Maybe have that as a running gag through that chapter? IT starts off with Bagman reading the three the riot act in front of the crowd, while other people chatting in the stands while they sit there and listen. Ron and Hermione discuss with Neville and Luna what they think is going to happen, the Twins reveal to Lee Jordain that they had been approached "as consultants" to help make sure that none of the contestants tried to slip in anything dodgy, and as such 'might have mentioned a few things' that had made into the list, Dumbledore remarking to Madame Maxine that he thinks that the contest just might have been that much more interesting if the contestants were required to bring the list in, rather than leave it outside. End the chapter with either that, or have them finally given leave to enter the maze, and while three of the contestants were wondering what the hell half that stuff was, Harry's cursing the Twin's throughness. Blast-Ended Skrewt treats would have been very helpful right now!, or something like that.

[Dechstreme]

Hmmm... those are some very interesting possibilities you've brought up here.... Heh, wonder if Viridian would be jealous because he didn't think of doing it first? He is an avid Role Playing fan, after all.

[Tempest Kitsune]

Somehow, I doubt it.

[Dechstreme]

Why?

Because Viridian would outdo him with the proper motivation?

[Tempest Kitsune]

No, because he's not petty enough to be jealous over someone else having an idea that he didn't.

[Dechstreme]

Ah, good point. But I have to say I wasn't saying the whole jealousy thing with too much seriousness, but more in good fun.

[Tempest Kitsune]

Might wanna try using smilies to get that across next time.

[Greybane]

There is a story that does some of this already.

[Dechstreme]

Might wanna try using smilies to get that across next time.

You mean like this?

NEW SMILIES!!!

[Thozmp]

Sadly, I have neither played the module, nore have enough ranks in the lore to pull one off. I suppose I could try, and hope that I get something almost right, but no promises.

Anyway, I'm thinking that when Umbrige takes over, they start playing Dark Heresy in the common room. Purely a coincedence, I assure you Madame Inquisitor. Would you consider yourself a Monodominist? Of course you would, how silly to ask. Oh, this? This is a mere game, a muggle version of exploding snap almost. Sadly, the game makes you imagine the exlosions on your own. There are some aids for that but, you know how muggle devices work around Hogwarts. Care for a game? No? How silly of us, of course you are far too busy. A shame, really. Still, all for the Minister, of course. Yes, of course. Good day to you.

Bitch.

On a related note, how would a Harry that has years of playing as a DM handle things like the Triwizard Tournement? I've got this image of him circumventing the Second Task, possibly by asking the Merfolk nicely ahead of time or something, and not getting it when the judges get all in a tizzy trying to figure out how to award points for him. Dumbledore's all "Why yes, quite cunning. More wizardkind should try to talk to our magical brethren, rather than fighting." While Maxine and Karkaroff are trying to explain to the old coot that this was supposed to be a test of magical skill and aptitude, not a linguistics course.

Hopefully, Harry and company angage in all manner of loopholes that by the time the third test comes around, there is a half hour breifing on what is and is not allowed in the match, covering things that most people wouldn't even consider. "The carring of non-wand equipment, including but not limited to ten foot poles, collapable or otherwise, mirrors, Fanged Frisbees, Peruvian Darkness Powder, Eggy-In-A-Basket, three weeks trail rations, rope, string or yarn, the Holy Handgrenades of Antioch, Acre, or Timbuktu, nor their unhallowed bretheren, roosters, Blast-Ended Skrewt treats, 20 lbs of Flubberworms, firewhiskey in any amount, Sneaking Sneakers, Shuffling Shoes, Booming Boots, or any other form of enchanted footwear, caltrops (bouncing or otherwise) a "+3 dagger" of silver, cold iron or adamintine, the left haunch of a gazelle or antilope, Extendable Ears, Portable Holes, self-stirring caulrons, phylacteries, a rowboat, sparkplugs, fireplugs, firelegs, fire fighters, freedom fighters, pit fighters, pit bulls, red bulls, red barons, blue barons, blue balls, charity balls, big balls (for fancy dress) the last mortal remains of J Edger Hoover, imitations of the Crown Jewls, the actual Crown Jewels, cheap novelty mugs, a tie, scarf, or crevatte, a letter of credit from any banking firm or institution valued at more than 750 galleons, blue paint, red paint, paint balls, a Shi Tzu or terrior of any sort, dirty socks, dryer sheets, Cockroach Clusters, an umbrella, anything manufactured by Umbrella Corp., a 70 watt lightbulb, phonebooks, bridge building equipment, playing cards, Floo Powder, hags teeth, "extract of 4chan", whatever that is, a noose, Implacible Airman Higgs, 45 gallons of toothpase, a weasel, ferret, or stoat, nor any member of Hufflepuff nor Slytheren house (save for those competing as champions), a lead pipe, toilet seat from a girl's lavatory, shower curtains, Lawrencium 235, any isotope with more than four vowls, vampire hair, poisoned dragon's liver, a bedknob nor broomstick, a Walther PPK, saltpetere, salt pork, porkbarrel, the keel to any riverboat, barber's tools, a hedge trimmer, hedgehogs, soda, floss, spandex, latex body suits that are not of government issue, dragonhide gloves, Indominatable Undies, Indefatagable Undies, undies of any sort, three frnch hens, two turtle doves, a raindeer named Prancer or Donner, parchment, a two-man saw, cables, dentures belonging to anyone in the audience, a rocket ship named "Lucy", a torch, Omnioculars, or anything ending with "ito", is not permitted.

Yeah, that joke ran long. Probably need dialouge from other people in there to help break it up. Maybe have that as a running gag through that chapter? IT starts off with Bagman reading the three the riot act in front of the crowd, while other people chatting in the stands while they sit there and listen. Ron and Hermione discuss with Neville and Luna what they think is going to happen, the Twins reveal to Lee Jordain that they had been approached "as consultants" to help make sure that none of the contestants tried to slip in anything dodgy, and as such 'might have mentioned a few things' that had made into the list, Dumbledore remarking to Madame Maxine that he thinks that the contest just might have been that much more interesting if the contestants were required to bring the list in, rather than leave it outside. End the chapter with either that, or have them finally given leave to enter the maze, and while three of the contestants were wondering what the hell half that stuff was, Harry's cursing the Twin's throughness. Blast-Ended Skrewt treats would have been very helpful right now!, or something like that.

I think it might be funnier if one were to end the list chapter with Harry actually having to divest himself of some of the things on the list including some of the more obscure items such as the last mortal remains of J. Edgar Hoover, "Extract of 4chan" and imitation Crown Jewels. If anyone asks why he had them, then the usual D&D answer applies, "It might have been useful."

[Dechstreme]

How does one use Extract of 4chan, anyways?

[Dervon]

How does one use Extract of 4chan, anyways?

One drinks it, of course.

Gives Troll's Regeneration and protection from mind-affecting spells/effects for 24 hours.

[Dechstreme]

Doesn't it leave a bad aftertaste? I mean, it is extract of 4chan!

[Tempest Kitsune]

Well there is the little side effect of cumulative SAN Loss after the first dose. And it's horribly addictive stuff too. Some lucky few are immune to the side-effects, but they're usually already mostly crazy anyway.
































Isn't that right Derv?

[Dechstreme]

Anyway to prevent Sanity Loss?

[Tempest Kitsune]

No, not really.

[Dervon]

Isn't that right Derv?

*cough* I will neither confirm nor deny these allegations.

[Dechstreme]

Not encouraging Dervon. Not encouraging.

[SLAMU]

It's been a while, but I've got some new stuff for the raid in the Depatrment of Mysteries.

Spoiler: show

Ron stumbled through the doorway, dodging another curse from MacNair. The man strode forth slowly, taking his sweet time lining up his next curse. “So, Blood Traitor, do you have any last words? I look forward to listening to you beg.”

Ron’s wand had fallen a foot away from his hand, close enough to taunt him, but too far to do any good. If he lunged for it, the Death Eater could easily blast him away. He groaned in pain from his ribs, then slowly moved his arms out, palms towards the older man. “Evardicus Nigrae Tentalus.”

Black tentacles burst from the wall behind MacNair, grappling him, wrapping around his neck, arms, and thighs. Try as he might, the executioner couldn’t gain the leverage to free himself, and was already turning blue from strangulation.

Ron slowly got back to his feet, a smug look on his face. “Yeah; field control, bitch.” he said before regaining his wand and taking another door out to help his friends.

---

Spoiler: show

Hermione stood in front of Harry’s sprawled body. The Quick Heal potion was already doing its work, but the damage caused by even a glancing Reductor curse to the gut needed a lot of healing. That meant time, time Harry might not have, if the likes of Lucius Malfoy had anything to say about it.

“Give us the Prophecy, girl!” the patriarch’s normally cool and collected tone was impatient. Bellatrix and Crabbe Sr. flanked him, both of their wands covering her.

There was no way she could fight her way out of this. Time to put her honed acting skills to work again. “I-I can’t. I can’t give it to you.” she stuttered. She’d been too good at stuttering when she
was younger, and drew upon those memories to aid her now.

“Surely you can. Otherwise we’ll kill you and take it from you.” As if he hadn’t been planning on killing her regardless.

“No, it was destroyed in the crossfire. It broke and I was only able to copy part of it down.” She reached inside her robes and pulled out a piece of parchment and held it out in a trembling hand that was only slightly faked. “He-here. Have it, just don’t hurt Harry!”

“Don’t hurt Harry!” Bellatrix mocked, then Lucius twitched his wand and the parchment flew out of Hermione’s hands. Bella stepped closer and peered over her cousin’s shoulder. “What does it say, poppet?”

“I prepared explosive runes this morning.”

[Lightwhispers]

Hee hee hee. I love that last one...