Transformers: Frontier - critique and plotting help request

[GenghisQuan]

Transformers: Frontier is my oh-so-very-imaginatively-named crossover between Macross: Frontier and Transformers (mix of G1, Bayformers, and a little bit of Animated). Requesting a look-through into what I currently have, anything that's a big turn-off, suggestions as to what to fix/how to fix, etc. Will probably also post questions as to what the next plot move should be once I hit the part where I have planned up to.

Thank you.

Also, relevant picture (behind spoiler tags for benefit of those w/ low bandwidth)

Spoiler: show

[Tempest Kitsune]

Very interesting stuff. Not all that familiar with the Macross universe, but I like what I see so far. One thing I'm sure we'll eventually see is a confrontation between the two "little" queens. Until they compare notes about their first interactions with Barricade anyway. Either that, or Starscream will tip the Decepticon's hands a bit too early, and reveal their true nature.

[Dechstreme]

I'm only at chapter two right now.

However, from what I can see so far, you do more than adequate work. One of the reasons why you might not be getting many readers is because crossovers aren't that popular due to the hacks that do substandard work on them. I can tell you are cut from better quality cloth than that, at least from what I can see so far.

As for help with the plot.... what kind of help do you need?

[MEKristian]

I'm only at chapter two right now.

However, from what I can see so far, you do more than adequate work. One of the reasons why you might not be getting many readers is because crossovers aren't that popular due to the hacks that do substandard work on them. I can tell you are cut from better quality cloth than that, at least from what I can see so far.

As for help with the plot.... what kind of help do you need?

Eh, half the trick is that for most crossovers you need to know both sides of the crossover.

I mean, I may know at least a fair bit about the Macross Universe, but next to nothing about Transformers (outside of Beast Wars, and even then my knowledge would be rusty).

[Dechstreme]

Macross and bits and pieces from G1 transformers, Bayformers as they call them, and Animated.

[GenghisQuan]

As of now, plotting issues consist of how the war (giant robots must have war. even if the theme is peace.) ought to progress. It looks to be quite long, as there's a lot of factions to cover, and I'm considering what to cut. Currently, I have:

Spoiler: show

Peaceful solution tries to be solved, but Starscream comes and messes up that plan.

Decepticons send all their forces planetside; Tidal Wave (giant carrier) lands in the sea, as wet-navy forces seem like they'd get the shaft in an era with spacecraft; the important Cons transform and fight their way to the sea with Starscream's group and dropped drones acting as support. Some drones are left in the city to act as sleeper cells in case distractions are needed.

Construction of Space Bridges starts, first by the Cons, then by the Autobots.

Inconclusive naval battle between NUNS and the 'cons.

NUNS sends men and materiel through space bridges back to Cybertron, with the intent of bolstering the resistance there. This introduces the female Autobots and Shockwave.

Megatron arrives with enough forces to do a space battle. NUNS had been planning for this eventuality, and Sheryl and Ranka call up two fleets of Vajra. Megatron's army gets forced planetside, to take advantage of the fact that humans need habitable environment but robots don't. He seeds the planet with mechaforming "stuff" (hadn't decided what to call it yet).

Decepticons are contacted by Galaxy remnant to help them control a Vajra fleet. They agree and launch a decapitation strike against the two Vajra fleets, creating a scenario like that one Starcraft mission - while one fleet is berserk and NUNS and the other fleet is trying to control the situation, another Cyborg Grace is loaded into the other queen to take control of that fleet. However, Dreadwing ('con) is supposed to escort her, and hijacks her instead, which now gives the 'cons another fleet to throw around.

In response, a NUNS-Autobot task force seize a Decepticon space bridge and put a fold bomb through it, saying that while the 'cons can wreck their planet, NUNS can do the same. The Decepticons hesitate, and another such raid happens (at a point guarded by Starscream). And then the next Macross fleet from Earth shows up. This prompts another negotiation, the purpose of which is supposed to be non-intervention between NUNS and the Decepticons.

this is the gap that i'm not sure how it should be filled.

It should conclude with everybody ganging up on Unicron, who has adopted Starscream as his minion. Enough bots and cons die that the ones who decide that they can live with each other after all, because this is Macross dammit, peace always finds a way.

Long war is long.

Another concern I have is with characterization. I'm not sure how much to give to the Macross crew, as most of their character development got done by the end of the series. It seems that I'm also not developing the Autobots much, as given the current rate of story development they seem to be getting absorbed into the NUNS order of battle.

[Dechstreme]

Hmm... that is a problem....

Who are the main heroes and villains?

[GenghisQuan]

Macross crew and Autobots are the main heroes, and Decepticons and Galaxy Remnant are the main villains.

Of the bunch, the Macross guys are mostly in it because the Transformers' war is happening on their planet. Their goal should be to get the 'cons to leave them alone. While they would like to have the right to offer political asylum to anyone they see fit (Autobots) and are willing to fight for it, they are willing to settle for mutual non-interference with regards to the Transformers.

The Galaxy remnant I'm thinking of just cutting out, or reducing their role. They retain their original motivation of hijacking the Vajra's hive mind.

As contrast, the Autobots are very on the weak side here, as I would posit that because the 'cons are most of the military hardware, that means most of the 'bots have eventually been wiped out. They resort to mostly guerilla warfare in a couple of strongholds. The current 'bots are there because they think Sheryl and Ranka may be able to help them get the Allspark.

The Decepticons, meanwhile, are in it because they want the Allspark as well. On a different note (one they won't actually say in public, but is implicit), they know that if they get Prime, that will be a big blow to the rest of the AUtobots.

[Dechstreme]

Eh.... how about a lowdown on the MOST IMPORTANT CHARACTERS from each faction? You know, the guys the story is going to center around? Because you make it seem like your attention is a bit scattered around.

[GenghisQuan]

Oh。。。that's what you meant. I had actually planned to use a lot of them as viewpoint characters. As far as main ones, right now it looks like these guys will get more screen time than the rest:

Frontier:
Alto Saotome - ace pilot of SMS, military contractors working for the gov't.
Sheryl Nome - singer, "Little Queen" (can talk to Vajra).
Ranka Lee - singer, "Little Queen". Is a bit naive (though not as much as the end of Mac F)
Stephen Ikari - President

Autobots:
Optimus Prime
Arcee
Bumblebee

Decepticons:
Megatron
Starscream
Soundwave

[Dechstreme]

How fleshed out are they in terms of what you want out of them?

[GenghisQuan]

Not that fleshed out; for the humans I'm trying to get a definite idea of how they should be two years after the finale. The Transformers have their general personality quirks as established in canon (Starscream's a chronic backstabber, Megatron's a Big Bad, Soundwave's loyal and logical, Shockwave's logical, Prime's got a self-sacrifice thing, etc). I am also trying to put some additions to these traits - I'm trying to do this with the current chapter, which will focus on diplomatic efforts and try to make Soundwave seem like a reasonable guy. I would also like Megatron to get characterized as a classic "warlord" - the kind of guy who does care about the welfare of his troops, although accomplishing the mission will always come first - and Prime as his normal self, albeit slightly more cynical. I think what I'm generally asking is if you have any tips on how to do characterization that looks natural, as opposed to "he expressed his opinion on the subjects with great emotion. It was important to him, because he had always felt this way."?

[Nitramy]

I believe the saying "actions speak louder than words" would help you a great deal. ;)

[Dechstreme]

Eh, isn't OPTIMUS PRIME being cynical against the natural order of things?

[GenghisQuan]

Eh, isn't OPTIMUS PRIME being cynical against the natural order of things?

Hence the "slightly" modifier. I would like to get it across that he's made some orders that he wasn't proud of, and the sheer length of the war has made it so that he's more willing to do stuff like get other races involved or go all "GIVE ME YOUR FACE" on some Deceptipunks.

Still a Messiah - but with a bit of an Old Testament flavor.

[Dechstreme]

I'll have to take your word for it.... and get back to reading the story again.

[Dechstreme]

Okay.... I've read your available chapters. When are you going to have the bad guys show their true colors? I don't think it would be good to delay that too much.

Is there a way to unveil that it was the Decepticons who destroyed the fleets?