Punch Destiny

This forum is for picking apart tricky issues facing any authors in the community. Word choice, action scenes, dialoguing, or plot development. If something isn't working for you, put it up here and see what your fellow community members can make of it. Try to keep examples short and to the point as much as possible.

Punch Destiny

Unread postby Psalm Of Fire » May 26th, 2011, 12:56 am

Naruto's adrenalin raced. He needed to fight, he needed to be out of his mind now!

Break the seal, a voice said. Naruto pushed himself up from the pooling water in front of the cage. Though still inside, outside nightmares awaited: Amateratsu, Susanoo.

Sasuke.

Sasuke, who had sought Naruto on his way back to Konoha from the Kage summit. And after Madara ubducted Kakashi and Yamato, Sasuke had pushed his eyes until blood tricked from his chin.

The fight hardly begun... and then something like Sasuke's own Susanoo appeared around Naruto, black translucent cape flapping, and great hands catching Susanoo's arrows.

Listen to me, Naruto-kun, break the seal, the voice came again, louder. Emotions smashed into Naruto, especially the ache of loss. The voice seemed familiar, but even with the emotions he couldn't put it together.

"Who are you!" Naruto shouted.

A figure began to form before him, just outside the gate. As the wrinkled face solidified, even though his eyes were closed, Naruto knew: the Old Man! The Sandaime!

Naruto wanted to race to hug him, but he had a fight, and had to save Kakashi and Yamato. His muscles coiled in indecision.

"You have to break the seal, Naruto," the Old Man said.

Naruto narrowed his eyes. A Kyuubi trick? But the Kyuubi could never do anything beyond the gate… "Why?" Naruto demanded.

"Because I have seen!" the Old Man said and his eyes snapped open. Their sight sent a shiver down Naruto's spine: pale orange with so many rings it seemed the eyes sunk back into themselves. Purple light shot from the middle.

Naruto pointed slowly. "What's wrong with your face?"

The Old Man scratched his head. "Uh… well, did you know the Sage of Six Paths used the Shinigami seal?"

"The Sage-of-who now?"

The Old Man frowned. "...The amazing guy who started ninja and made the Sharingan and Renigan. He had a better version of the eye."

"Your eyes don't look better," Naruto said, feeling his heartrate slow.

"Nevermind that. He's been working on improving his own eye. He gave it to me, and we made a deal with the Shinigami."

"But why do I need to undo the seal?"

"We asked the Shinigami - who is protecting you for now - how you can win. I saw the future: if Sasuke doesn't kill you now you will die in less than a month."

Naruto's eyes widened. His mouth dropped. He'd be mad, maybe even insulted, but... it was the Old Man. And, he had feared Sasuke might beat him. If only he had time to get Sage chakra!

"Don't worry about that part," the Old Man said. "We asked him how we might strengthen you to win. But Destiny has it out for you. We could find no way, nothing within our limited power locked in the Shinigami's stomach. But we found a way!"

Naruto blinked. He was mentally understanding it all, but the emotions were taking their time being freaked out.

"We have to slip a power into another's hands who will support you, one desitny won't suspect."

"...Who?"

"Sakura." Before Naruto could reply, the Old Man continued, "If you unseal the Kyuubi, we can wield his power for a moment," he pointed to his freaky eyes. "We'll begin draining chakra off the Kyuubi. You need to find Sakura, she should be drawing near. I'd say to use the Sage Chakra, but the Shinigami doesn't care to protect you long, the deal doesn't include that. You'll have to dodge Sasuke."

"Uh, okay..." Naruto's adrenalin began to climb again.

The Old Man's image began fading. He looked at him self, and then spoke in a rush, "Tear the seal, we'll control the chakra. Dodge Sasuke, find Sakura. Put your hands on her temples. We'll send her skill back in time, and if we can, your memories. This is the only way we can find victory.

"You must not fail."

Naruto's hardened his eyes. "I won't."

--

Sakura bolted up in her bed. Her head burned. Sweat raced acrossed her body. She screamed and fell to the floor, clutching her head, her long hair wrapping around her face. And passed out.

--

Sakura moved toward the academy. She'd woken up on the floor and couldn't remember why, and since then the day had been off. She had graduated. She should be skipping, or something... after all, she might be on a team with Sasuke.

But everything felt a bit in a haze. Maybe even skipping would be dangerous for her, at this point. If she walked into class with her face and hair dirty from tripping, Ino would never let it be forgotten.

But she did wish this fly would stop bothering her! It made another loop around her head and landed on the wall next to her. She swatted it. Cracks split along the wall.

Sakura stopped. She stared at the cracks.

What?
Ah yes, sorry for the ever-changing title. This is an idea that struck me as I read some fan fiction. Mostly sprung from being tired of seeing Sakura always behind. I mean, it makes sense and can work well, but it would be nice for her to have some crazy ability that set her on par with her team (or ahead if she knew how to use it right).

I thought about a bloodline, or what not, but decided against it. It will diverge FAR from the stations of canon (although still remain as logical inside canon as possible) in short order. Enjoy.
Last edited by Psalm Of Fire on May 26th, 2011, 3:59 pm, edited 3 times in total.
"That didn't make me cry. I'm just shedding manly tears over something completely unrelated and super masculine. Like an explosion. An exploding robot. An exploding robot that's on fire. DON'T LOOK AT ME!"
-Farmer10
User avatar
Psalm Of Fire
 
Posts: 1313
Joined: January 20th, 2011, 5:14 pm

Re: A Punch of Fate

Unread postby Psalm Of Fire » May 26th, 2011, 12:09 pm

Sasuke relaxed his shoulders. How long had it been since his mask had slipped? It was their sensei's fualt for asking him about his 'dreams'. Better, though, that his team understand he would be moving forward, even if they were not.

He had no choice.

Sasuke stuffed his hands into his pockets. Why was I stuck with these two excuses for ninja? He fought to keep the mask in place.

"Don't eat breakfast," their sensei said. "You'll only throw up."

Sasuke's eyes widened. What did the Jounin, Kakashi the elite, have in store? He swallowed.
Sakura rest her hand on the door handle, and oh-so-carefully turned it. When it didn't bend in her hand, she let out a held breath.

"By, mom!" she shouted and pushed the door open with her shoulder. She might have been able to do it with her hands, but after cracking that wall she hardly let them out of their pockets.

Do all Genin get some sort of skill or power when they pass? She thought. The forehead protector felt especially warm, and she tried to look up at it. But no, that didn't make sense, she'd never heard of it. Well, it could be a well-kept secret, but she hadn't seen anything like that from Sasuke. Or Naruto. But, then again, they didn't know she could crack walls with a slap, and hopefully hadn't noticed anything different. Maybe they did the same?

Would Naruto even try to hide it?

Probably no, she thought. So maybe it was just her? Or Naruto was too thick-headed for the forehead protector to help him at all. If it was the forehead protector... she brushed her fingers across it as light as she could. She thought she felt them tingle. She squeezed her elbows into her side and giggled, and then shoved her hand back into her pockets. _Shannaro!_ But if these were made by the Hokage, shouldn't they even be able to help Naruto?

Maybe his skill, power, ...thing, was really embarrassing. Serves him right for using that stupid pervert jutsu.

Maybe I should be worrying more about todays test? she thought. It was just hard to when... she looked down at her arm. Skinny. Attractive to many, but most of the successful Kunoichi had a little more muscle. She pulled an arm out of her pocket and prepared to flex. Surely a previously unseen muscle would appear, and then disappear back into that slender, attractive arm.

She flexed. It looked the same.

Huh, she thought and put the hand back in her pocket. That didn't work out like she thought. Speaking of that... she needed to figure out a bit more about this before she showed up for training. She looked at the sun. She probably had 10 minutes before she had to be there, even if it would make her a little late. The thought made her stomach turn.

I have to figure this out.

==
Notes: Naruto and Sakura convince themselves and Sasuke that Genin recieve a power/skill boost once they graduate, and when they get a chance they ask the other teams what their "boost" was, as if it was the most natural of questions.
Last edited by Psalm Of Fire on May 26th, 2011, 3:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"That didn't make me cry. I'm just shedding manly tears over something completely unrelated and super masculine. Like an explosion. An exploding robot. An exploding robot that's on fire. DON'T LOOK AT ME!"
-Farmer10
User avatar
Psalm Of Fire
 
Posts: 1313
Joined: January 20th, 2011, 5:14 pm

Re: A Punch of Fate

Unread postby Psalm Of Fire » May 26th, 2011, 3:46 pm

_From now on things enclose in underscores like this sentence are italicized_ (because my editor converts it to italics on exporting, allowing me a simple copy-paste.)
Sakura drew her hand back and aimed. With narrowed eyes and a building sense of power, she slapped the tree. It ignored her. She looked down at her hand. Had it been just her imagination... she'd had a weird night, after all. But, no, she put her fingers in the cracks of the wall.

It _had_ to be real.

She slapped the tree for trying to prove her wrong. It quivered like a bow string, more than a few snaps that made Sakura step back. The the tree stilled, but a few cracks ran up it. Leaves fell around her. She looked down to her hand, and then back to the tree, and fist pumped. _Shannaro!_

--

Naruto rolled out of his bed and fell to the floor. His sleepy cap fell part way off, catching on his ear. The sheets tangled his legs. He propped himself on his elbows. And then a smile spread across his face. _I graduated!_ he though. But, then it felt wrong. He liked graduating, yes, but that wasn't the reason for the good feeling. He'd accomplished something else?

Did Sakura agree to go on a date with him?

Naruto racked his head, tapping the side of his temple. No, that wasn't it. Whatever it was, it must be really good, because he wanted to grin until it split the lower half of his face off.

Naruto paused. He wouldn't think "split the lower half of his face off"... what was going on? Yesterday was almost as weird -- how long was this going to last! As he tried to sort out his brain he rolled onto his back. His arm knocked the bedside table, and a clock careened for his face. He snapped his head to the side, letting the clock crash into the floor. He slowly looked over at his attacker. And then he saw the time.

"Crap, I've got to go!"

--

"Naruto, you're late!" his crush snapped. "Don't drag the team down."

Naruto tried for force a blush off his face and snapped, "I'm not dragging the team down, at least I know an A-ranked jutsu!" He looked down at himself. Where had that come from? And why was it such a sore spot. He knew he had to prove it to everyone and then finally they'd believe it. A few days ago he would have blown the comment off. More than that, he'd snapped at Sakura? The comment was aimed at her, he didn't know why, but it was. He felt a little guilty and looked away from her.

"What?" Sakura said. It wasn't disbelieving, but a serious question. Naruto looked back at her.

Wait, did he know an A-rank juts -- oh yeah, Shadow Clone! Why had he forgotten it? He swelled with pride. "Yeah, but I'm not going to show it until I need it," he said with a smirk.

Sakura slapped her hands over her mouth. A giggle escaped.

_What,_ Naruto's mind asked him.

Her giggles grew until she doubled over.

Was Naruto supposed to feel insulted? He decided figuring that out might be more effort that it was worth. He shrugged, determined girls were weirder than he had figured, and wen to the opposite side of the bridge from Sasuke.

"I can't wait to see it!" Sakura managed as her giggles eased. After the words left her lips she double over again. Naruto would think her giggles were cute if he wasn't so confused. And maybe vaguely offended.

He thought to himself for a moment, which turned out to be rather unproductive. And then stopped and glanced around. "Wait, where is sensei?"

And why did that question seem so _familiar?_

==
Note: "You must come at we with the full intent to kill."

"What, like this?" Sakura asked and slapped the ground.

Kakashi snaps out his Sharingan and advises Naruto to move back. Make that point the major divergence point.
"That didn't make me cry. I'm just shedding manly tears over something completely unrelated and super masculine. Like an explosion. An exploding robot. An exploding robot that's on fire. DON'T LOOK AT ME!"
-Farmer10
User avatar
Psalm Of Fire
 
Posts: 1313
Joined: January 20th, 2011, 5:14 pm


Return to “%s” Writer Workshop

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users