Pursuing My True Self (Naruto/Persona)

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Pursuing My True Self (Naruto/Persona)

Unread postby Phht » March 21st, 2013, 3:48 am

Pursuing My True Self
Reach Out to the Truth -First Battle-
Reach Out to the Truth
Reach Out to the Truth -Reincarnation-
Reach Out to the Truth -in Mayonaka Arena-

So I decided to try to make this a full fic, at least so far as to conclude the arc. Writing willing, it'll be three more chapters (I'm aiming for 5k words per chapter, and this one currently clocks in ~5200). For the most part, from here on, it'll be snippets as I work on it, and then once it's done and I'm decently happy with it, I'll do a link to a google drive doc for the 'official' chapter.

I'm not entirely sure how I like the flow of the scene at the end of the chapter. Maybe cover the second point first, then show Naruto the room as Inoichi mentions it? Or split the scene into two parts, and do the second part from Inoichi's PoV? Also, any other suggestions/comments on the other scenes?

EDIT: Moved the chapter to google drive, should be viewable for anyone with the link (let me know if it isn't). Edited the scene at the Shadow nest to specify Ino's persona doing the fighting and not Ino herself getting into the fight (it'd resemble P4 the Animation persona use rather than P3-4 games). Both styles of use will be in the story (Naruto uses the game style of persona use currently, for instance, though it's not been made obvious so far).
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Re: Pursuing My True Self (Naruto/Persona)

Unread postby Phht » March 22nd, 2013, 4:47 pm

Reach Out to the Truth
(part I)
Spoiler: show
“Sensei, I understand why Ino-kohai–” Naruto paused for a moment to dart out of range of Ino's annoyed – though it seemed by now to be more friendly than damage-intending – punch before continuing, “needs to get a full eight hours of sleep, but why can't I do some Persona training until later in the night?”

Inoichi quirked an eyebrow and ignored the actual subject of the question. “And why does Ino-chan need a full night of sleep?”

Naruto stopped in place, located between Ino and the door. “She needs all the help she can get from beauty sleep, dattebayo.”

Ino twitched and carefully moved closer to Naruto, while managing to restrain herself from attacking him. “Oh sempai, you'll never make it as a respected ninja, let alone Hokage, as long as you keep using stupid words like that.”

Naruto looked at her for a moment in contemplation. He then nodded to himself and replied, “Your face is stupid. Believe it!”

Inoichi reflected that the weeks since he began tutoring and training Naruto alongside Ino had been anything but boring. Particularly whenever Naruto was attacked by Ino mid-lesson because of a comment made like now, and then sending them running laps in the streets near the house after they either tired themselves out or one came out on top of the fight. Plus it allowed him to see how Naruto had an innate sense on people's moods at times.

“Sensei, has anyone been able to figure anything more out about why Sakura-chan isn't awake? It's been about five weeks since the accident and all.”

Inoichi glanced over and blinked. “Naruto, when did you learn to tie someone with rope like that?”

Naruto looked down the trussed up Ino he was sitting on. “I read up on it from a scroll I found hidden in Ino's room when I skipped class one day a couple weeks back. But back to Sakura-chan, sensei. I mean, it's actually kinda fun to wind her up and get her annoyed, but it doesn't seem as interesting as when Sakura and her do similar with their rivalry.”

Ino stopped struggling below him. Inoichi noted that Naruto had somehow gagged her as well and resolved not to ask where Naruto acquired the gag. The news about his daughter having that scroll was bad enough, he didn't need any additional destruction of her mental image as innocent in his mind. “All this time of annoying her and enraging her was to give her something familiar to distract her some from her friend not being around to do the same?”

“Of course, dattebayo!” The smirk on the boy's face as Ino growled beneath him made it clear he had used that deliberately. “Ino is a friend, so I wouldn't take shots at her to be mean! But annoying her so she trains harder to get even with me?”

“So you weren't just being tsundere this entire time?” It took all of Inoichi's ninja experience and willpower not to laugh at the two kids' reactions to his question. It was moments like this that all teachers cherished.

“God no! Though if you hadn't revealed things, Ino might have ended up tsundere for me.”

A muffled roar of anger preceded Ino managing to buck Naruto off her body. She rolled away from him and rapidly freed herself from the ropes. Inoichi decided to speak up before a second fight broke out.

“I see you've been training on escaping rope, Ino-chan. Though if Naruto had tied that properly, you shouldn't have been able to get free without a lot of embarrassment for you and likely me. And no, Naruto, nothing's been uncovered so far that could help, and her clan is being tight lipped when asked if they know anything that could help.”

“Dammit.” Naruto sighed and stared at a wall briefly before focusing on Inoichi. “So ten laps around the market for fighting?”

Inoichi nodded and watched with a bit of pride as his daughter and Naruto made their way out of the dojo to run laps without a word of complaint. Once they were out of sight, he opened the note Naruto left behind. Might need a dive on a non-Haruno. Filled Ino in on suspicion last week and we'll be comparing notes some point in next few days to see if she agrees.
Up next, the main focus of this chapter gets started.
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Re: Pursuing My True Self (Naruto/Persona)

Unread postby Bezzerker » March 22nd, 2013, 9:32 pm

I really like the idea for this story, and your writing is amazing so far. The first chapter feels a bit, choppy though. I can understand that for when Naruto wakes up in the Shadow World later on, but one thing I would ask is if Ino accepted her Shadow or not? I thought that a person had to in order to use a Persona (Naruto is excused due to Kurama), although that may just be a lack of knowledge on my part.

Also, how integrated are game-like mechanics? I know you have some like fast travel and stats, but my question is more along the lines of do the mechanics carry over into the real world, or is it just a quirk of the Shadow World?

I'm looking forward to seeing more of this story.
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Re: Pursuing My True Self (Naruto/Persona)

Unread postby Phht » March 23rd, 2013, 10:27 pm

I had a nice sized post, but it was eaten by the SQL error that took down the forum. Let's see what I can remember of it.

--

I think Persona 4 was the first one that actually had accepting your shadow as a requirement for getting a Persona. I haven't played P1-2IS/EP, so I can't say for certain there, but those had Philemon directly involved in granting access to Persona. Persona 3 used evokers to summon Persona out in battle, so there's no real indication either way with that. OTOH, they had Persona users that needed suppression drugs to keep the Persona from going nuts and killing them, so can't discount the possibility exists on some level.

In general though, accepting your shadow will be how it works here. We just won't see many/any of those scenes, because I don't think I'd do those scenes justice. We'll see. Ino accepted things off screen at some point in the half week between her rescue and the Hokage meeting, as implied by Naruto.

--

Game mechanics will only appear where they'd "make sense." The stats thing was simply a joke, as referenced by the "then laughs at my confusion as if there was a joke that he isn't letting me in on" right after (though, given the 3 known persona users I have listed as being in the Nyx battle that'd likely been the one merged to create Kurama... making that joke would mean that they'd picked up a sense of humor somewhere).

At this point in the story, there's no known way to physically travel to the Shadow world from the real world (a post-time skip snippet in my plot bunnies thread implies Naruto might find a way around that down the road). So travel range is generally limited by how long you can sleep/meditate/whatever. And while the Elemental Countries are not as large as most fanon generally goes with, it's still a bit far to travel from shadow-Konoha to another shadow-hidden village (because then you'd start your next visit back at the start rather than where you stopped at), even at the speed Naruto was traveling in that scene. There's a transportation method that's much faster than foot travel while not instantaneous like the fast travel, but that won't likely come up this arc.

--

I've added a marker for where I'm planning to add a bridging scene between the first two scenes, then I broken up the last scene like planned and placed a marker to indicate I'll be rewriting that last scene from a different POV. It may be tonight (civ5 gaming night) or tomorrow before I start working on those two scenes. Then I'll do a pass over the other scenes to see if I need to add anything to smooth time progression hops.

Oh, and I changed permissions so anyone with the link can view and comment. Not entirely sure how commenting works, but we'll see how it goes.
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Re: Pursuing My True Self (Naruto/Persona)

Unread postby Phht » March 24th, 2013, 3:48 am

I was going to provide snippets here regarding changes, but I did enough plus adding a scene that I figure I'd just provide a brief change log instead.

I added a bridging scene between the first and second scene. Made a slight change to the scene where Inoichi picks up Naruto to provide some passage of time information. And a small change to the scene after the Hokage meeting for the same reason. Hopefully, that reduces the choppiness of the chapter a bit.

Also changed a line at the end of that scene to clarify that they were going out into Shadow-Konoha for a tour (as intended in my head). The bonus stop / treat should more clearly refer to the shadow nest now rather than possibly being thought of as leaving Ino's mindscape to go to the nest.

I rewrote the last scene to be from Inoichi's POV. Does it work better, and is the scene in the classroom just before necessary with this version?

(chp1 now clocks in at ~6150 words)
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Re: Pursuing My True Self (Naruto/Persona)

Unread postby Bezzerker » March 24th, 2013, 1:40 pm

Much better. The last scene definitely needs the scene before, as it helps set the final piece.

My favorite part of the chapter has to be when Naruto crashes Shadow-Ino's triumph. The barrage of insults Naruto flings out as casually as kunai was awesome.
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Bound Within A Body Of Light,
Ignited By A Twilight Forged Soul


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Re: Pursuing My True Self (Naruto/Persona)

Unread postby QuoteMyFoot » March 24th, 2013, 3:21 pm

I kinda had to stop reading because I got really, really confused. I'm not sure what's happening the the confrontation with Ino's Shadow and Naruto. It just kind of... goes by really fast and not very coherently. I feel like Ino's Shadow is a bad POV choice if all you're using it for is to make Naruto look badass with all of those cool quips (which feel OOC, but whatever). The opening sets the right sort of tone with this creepy 'pet' business. But then that basically disappears, and it's hardly used to the max since we cut straight to Ino helpless. It would be more creepy/interesting (and, you know, make Ino look a little less pathetic) if we saw something of the Shadow 'subduing' Ino. You missed a great opportunity for a scene with that one.

Another opportunity you missed: persuading Inoichi. There could actually be some dramatic tension if you had the threat of "Naruto must persuade Inoichi to help him enter his daughter's mindscape before Ino's Shadow consumes her", not to mention the potential comedic value.

And then the Exposition is, well, really dull and Exposition-y. TL;DR and all that. And Naruto still seems very off to me.

I do love the concept, but I think the execution is a little... underwhelming.
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Re: Pursuing My True Self (Naruto/Persona)

Unread postby Bezzerker » March 24th, 2013, 4:53 pm

Actually, all of the "cool quips" seemed very in character for Naruto. Naruto has been starved for attention, so it wouldn't be hard to imagine that Naruto learned how to press a person's buttons. Any attention is better than none at all. I haven't read/seen much of Naruto, but isn't one of his primary traits his ability to get under a person's skin?
Unleash the Elements of Order and Chaos!

A Heart Born Of Darkness,
Bound Within A Body Of Light,
Ignited By A Twilight Forged Soul


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Re: Pursuing My True Self (Naruto/Persona)

Unread postby Phht » March 24th, 2013, 7:48 pm

And then the Exposition is, well, really dull and Exposition-y. TL;DR and all that.
I agree. I still don't really like that scene. Part of the issue with the exposition scene is that, well, if I don't explain certain things beforehand (and thus can gloss over the answer there), they'd end up getting brought up. A large part of the length is that as I was writing, my mental Sandaime would ask about certain things, which kept lengthening the scene because Naruto wouldn't shut his mouth when answering.
Spoiler: show
In my original, first first version of the scene with Shadow-Ino (the version that sparked the entire idea), it started with Inoichi and Naruto at the front door to Ino's mindscape. Then as the two go searching for Ino within, Naruto did some explaining of stuff, then they find Ino... and I don't recall if I actually had any of the actual battle envisioned at the time. By the time I got around to actually writing down the idea, I didn't really feel like doing any exposition scene work just for a plot bunny (all the exposition that would've been covered there ended up folded into the exposition scene) -- or coming up with a description for her mindscape for that matter -- and the thought of doing it from the POV of Shadow-Ino just sorta flowed when I started to write the bunny (as a note: when Naruto cocks his head as if considering options after busting the door in? In my mind it was kinda like a conversation prompt that gives 2-4 choices and Naruto was trying to decide which one to use). That entire scene was pretty much written in a single go.
When I look at that scene with your issues in mind, I notice that when I look at it, I know that he's doing this because of this, or this makes sense because of that, and it's all things that are mostly implied or require the reader to make the connection and go "I see what he's doing!" and it's just clear to me because I know all that stuff a reader wouldn't necessarily know/realize/catch and it fills in any gaps.

What I'll do is see about doing the original scene, which would provide a chance for interaction between Inoichi and Naruto, shift some of the exposition out of the long scene, and if possible include some reasons for how Naruto acts in the following scene. Then I'll knock out a rough draft of the persuading Inoichi scene. Or vice versa, depending on where inspiration takes me first. Once those one/both get in good enough shape to stick in the doc, I'll rework the exposition scene to excise the bits that got shifted elsewhere. Maybe see if I can't shorten down some exposition that's not really important until a later arc (if I get that far and things don't change enough by that point) -- the two paragraphs on what is Nyx, for instance, could probably be pared down.

--

Once all of that is done, I'll look at revisiting the Shadow-Ino scene if it's deemed to still need work. I'm somewhat hesitant to change it because, well, partly I realized that it's Naruto's Big Damn Hero scene. Also, he's trying to save Ino, which in this case means flipping her from docile back to fiery; he goes about this by hitting every button he can think of that should infuriate her. But at the same time, it seems off because there's no groundwork laid regarding his actions.

And I realized that we lose the creepy 'pet' thing in that scene because once Naruto comes on the scene, he's the one determining the pace and letting the 'pet' thing continue hurts his efforts so he deliberately works to keep it from reappearing. I considered how I could reintroduce it into the scene and kept running into the issue that Naruto wouldn't let it if he could help it, and the only time I really could think of that it would be feasible to reintroduce by keeping Naruto out of the way a bit was after Shadow-Ino went boss mode. At which point I realized that if I had already stated that I would use game mechanics where they'd make sense, I might be holding too closely to that particular bit.

But first the other scenes.
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Re: Pursuing My True Self (Naruto/Persona)

Unread postby QuoteMyFoot » March 25th, 2013, 5:47 am

Bezzeker: Naruto does have a tendency to get under people's skin, but mainly because he's obnoxious and irritating. He's not really that witty. However, I don't mind smartass!AU Naruto, it just feels a little too abrupt atm.

Phht, those ideas sound good. I think they'll improve things a lot. :)

If you wanted to keep the 'pet' thing around a little more, you can make use of the Shadow Ino POV and have it crop up in her thoughts and actions (this is what I meant before, sorry that I wasn't too clear on that) - for example Shadow Ino realises what Naruto is trying to do, and reacts with 'No! He's trying to take my pet away!' or whatever. This might also solve the problem of 'wait, what?' a little.
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Re: Pursuing My True Self (Naruto/Persona)

Unread postby Phht » March 26th, 2013, 4:31 am

have it crop up in her thoughts and actions (this is what I meant before, sorry that I wasn't too clear on that)
Ah. Yeah, I was thinking of the ShadowIno-Ino interaction thing, and not the thoughts things. I did largely let Shadow-Ino's thoughts disappear as the scene went on, I noticed.

I have the gist of the persuading Inoichi scene in my head; we'll see how well it translates when I get writing it and if I forgot any of it. And I had an idea of how to do the 'facing your shadow' scene for Ino... if I can recall how it went properly once I get done with the rest of the list, as it came to me while I was trying to fall asleep and I refused to get up and write it down.

EDIT:
First draft of the persuading Inoichi scene. Hopefully this ended up decent. My intent will be just to continue rolling from the end of this scene up to where Naruto busts in the door.
Spoiler: show
Inoichi sat on a stool behind the counter at his family's flower shop. Many civilians – and even some ninja – thought it was amusing that a jounin was running a flower shop. Few thought of the various plants that could be useful in certain shinobi fields like interrogation, or that running a flower shop wasn't a full-time job. What it did mean was that Inoichi got to amuse himself any time he was behind the counter just by interpreting the body language and tells of various customers that didn't realize that appearances can be deceiving. His entertainment was increased when the customer was a ninja.

He checked the clock and started moving to close the shop when the door opened and in walked an orange-clothed blonde. “Ah, Uzumaki-san. I was about to close the store. Do you need anything for your plants?”

It was easy to see that Naruto seemed preoccupied with something. Maybe he should suggest someone work with the boy on hiding such things better. “Wha...? Oh, no. My plants are fine. Can we talk? It's about Ino-chan.”

Inoichi drew himself up in full protective-father mode and stared at the boy. “Did you do something to my princess?”

“No! Me pranking or otherwise doing something to her would be a lot easier to deal with.” Complete with frantic hand-waving and nervous appearance. Inoichi mentally patted himself on the back for not being rusty on intimidating people. He paused his thoughts and patted himself on the back again, because Uzumaki were not intimidated easily.

“Very well. Let me close up the shop, and we can speak.” Inoichi sped up his usual pace for closing the shop while making it look like he was taking his time – important skill to have there, just look at Kakashi's success with it – and used the time to subtly examine his guest.

Worry. Check. Concern and slight panic. Check. Desperation? Hm, why would he be desperate to have this talk regarding Ino? Did she do something, as odd as that seemed with her current state? And, mostly buried under the other emotions, solid determination. Very interesting and not at all usual for the boy.

Inoichi finished up his work and gestured for Naruto to follow him. He made sure to turn off the lights in the shop as they exited – his wife was quite upset the last time he had forgotten – and led Naruto through the shop's primary greenhouse. Inoichi felt he'd be quite worried about the conversation at the rate things were going, because Naruto wasn't paying the least attention to the various flowers and other plants like other times he'd been in the greenhouse.

They cleared the greenhouse and Inoichi curved away to the side as they crossed a grassy area. He stepped up to a building off to the side, a fairly unassuming one-story structure of a traditional design. One end of the building was connected by a covered walkway to the home opposite the greenhouse. The two entered, revealing a dojo space within. He gestured for the boy to sit before doing so himself and waiting for the boy to start.

“I need you to get me into Ino-chan's mindscape, tonight.” That would explain some of the emotions rolling off the boy, except that it explained absolutely nothing. Time to see where things led to, because there seemed to be a mystery afoot and involved his daughter.

“One's mind is a very private thing, Uzumaki-san. The Clan has strict guidelines on when we can enter the minds of allies–”

“What about for mental health? I'm sure you noticed your daughter acting off starting a few days after the accident with Sakura-chan. I mean, off even from how she was acting after the accident prior to that point. Frequent twitching that's slowly occurred less and less as time goes on?”

“While I'm glad you're looking out for her, it's not out of possibility that such things occur normally when someone is dealing with a traumatic situation like she was in. Her surroundings could've been causing her to think about the accident, leading to the twitches. That they've been getting less is simply a sign of her getting past the issue.” Inoichi noted equal parts frustration and annoyance from Naruto. And an increase in the desperation. What in the world had him so worked–

“It's not trauma! It's that damn Shadow thing that's been a guest in her head nearly every time I've seen her starting a few days after the accident! Can't really make out an appearance, but it's been saying or doing things to Ino-chan that causes the twitches like she's fighting whatever is happening.”

Inoichi mentally blinked. Nothing but honesty off the blonde. Now they were getting somewhere, but there were holes all over this story. “A shadow person that you can see with her, that's in her head, that no one else has ever mentioned seeing, and it's responsible for Ino's change of behavior?”

“Yes!”

He sighed. If nothing else, the boy clearly believed it was all true. “Uzu– Naruto-san, think about what you're saying. The Yamanaka Clan specializes in the mind. If something like that was true, we'd know about it by now. The fact that you'd use a story like that to try to get inside my daughter's head–”

“Fuck your Clan's specialization! What you know about the mind doesn't scratch what's affecting Ino-chan!” Inoichi blinked. Desperation was the overwhelming emotion for the boy now. Desperation and determination. He allowed Naruto to gather his thoughts and take a breath. “Take me into her mind. You'll be with me the entire time, right? We go, find Ino, make sure she's okay. If she is, I'll accept whatever punishment you decide.”

Inoichi considered his options, and when his daughter could be in the balance it wasn't much of a decision. “I'll go tomorrow. Alright?”

Naruto shook his head frantically. “The twitching's nearly stopped. Whatever's happening, I'm sure tonight is the last chance to do something about it. If you're right, we just disturb Ino and she'll be extremely pissed at me. I get punished, and everything's fine. But what if you're wrong? The sooner we help her, the better.”

“You keep saying 'we' and wanting to go in. I can handle anything I encounter in her mind short of a biju.” Naruto glanced to the side briefly on mention of a biju. Did he know...?

“You can't handle this.” Pure certainty, complete with eye contact. Curiouser and curiouser. “Please.”

Ten minutes later he was standing outside a structure that had a vague similarity to his home, Naruto standing next to him.
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Re: Pursuing My True Self (Naruto/Persona)

Unread postby Bezzerker » March 26th, 2013, 2:47 pm

I like the persuading Inoichi-scene. The only hiccup I can see with placing it into the story right now is Inoichi's reaction to Shadow-Ino. I would think with as much probing Inoichi did prior to letting Naruto into Ino's mind and with his statement of how the mind was the Yamanaka's specialty, he would at least ask for more information about what this other Ino is and what she is doing to his princess.

Naruto doesn't even need to give Inoichi a full answer, just a quick one with the promise to go over it later when Ino isn't in danger of being taken over.
Unleash the Elements of Order and Chaos!

A Heart Born Of Darkness,
Bound Within A Body Of Light,
Ignited By A Twilight Forged Soul


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Re: Pursuing My True Self (Naruto/Persona)

Unread postby QuoteMyFoot » March 26th, 2013, 3:00 pm

Yeah, I agree with Bezzerker. A little concern about what exactly Ino's under threat from would make sense here. Also, if you want to ramp up the tension a little, you could have Inoichi be more firm on the 'I'll go tomorrow' point and Naruto, consequently, more desperate for ASAP. (But that depends on what sort of feel you want to give this scene and how you'd like to characterise Inoichi. Firm and sure of himself, or more understanding and open to alternative answers? Is this scene supposed to create tension for facing Ino's Shadow, or is it part of a more gentle introduction to the premise? Given the way you've written the rest of the chapter I'd guess the latter in both cases, just something to think about though.)
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Re: Pursuing My True Self (Naruto/Persona)

Unread postby Phht » March 27th, 2013, 2:05 am

As a side note, that scene up above chops ~3.5 paragraphs out of the Hokage meeting scene. From “How did you discover that Ino needed help?” most of the way through the answering paragraph for the "why did you need my help" question. Actually, there was no indication of why he needed Inoichi's help. Need to fix that. And the part that doesn't get chopped out there, I could probably shift up to the start of the Hokage scene before Naruto gets explaining.

The part involving Inoichi and Naruto looking for Ino will chop out 2 paragraphs minimum. Probably the explanation about Persona too. Depending on where the writing takes me, Naruto's explanation about how he knows of Kyuubi and what not might end up over there as well. So a ~20% reduction in overall paragraphs, probably little less in overall length of exposition scene so far. :)

--

Okay, so I've done a little reworking on the persuading scene, and continued on into the trip through the mindscape section. At this point, the end of the scene is right where the Shadow-Ino scene beings. As to your question, I'm thinking the overall feel is more of an introduction to the premise, though if tension gets upped some I won't complain. ;)
Spoiler: show
Inoichi sat on a stool behind the counter at his family's flower shop. Many civilians – and even some ninja – thought it was amusing that a jounin was running a flower shop. Few thought of the various plants that could be useful in certain shinobi fields like interrogation, or that running a flower shop wasn't a full-time job. What it did mean was that Inoichi got to amuse himself any time he was behind the counter just by interpreting the body language and tells of various customers that didn't realize that appearances can be deceiving. His entertainment was increased when the customer was a ninja.

He checked the clock and started moving to close the shop when the door opened and in walked an orange-clothed blonde. “Ah, Uzumaki-san. I was about to close the store. Do you need anything for your plants?”

It was easy to see that Naruto seemed preoccupied with something. Maybe he should suggest someone work with the boy on hiding such things better. “Wha...? Oh, no. My plants are fine. Can we talk? It's about Ino.”

Inoichi drew himself up in full protective-father mode and stared at the boy. “Did you do something to my princess?”

“No! Me pranking or otherwise doing something to her would be a lot easier to deal with.” Complete with frantic hand-waving and nervous appearance. Inoichi mentally patted himself on the back for not being rusty on intimidating people. He paused his thoughts and patted himself on the back again, because Uzumaki were not intimidated easily.

“Very well. Let me close up the shop, and we can speak.” Inoichi sped up his usual pace for closing the shop while making it look like he was taking his time – important skill to have there, just look at Kakashi's success with it – and used the time to subtly examine his guest.

Worry. Check. Concern and slight panic. Check. Desperation? Hm, why would he be desperate to have this talk regarding Ino? Did she do something, as odd as that seemed with her current state? And, mostly buried under the other emotions, solid determination. Very interesting and not at all usual for the boy.

Inoichi finished up his work and gestured for Naruto to follow him. He made sure to turn off the lights in the shop as they exited – his wife was quite upset the last time he had forgotten – and led Naruto through the shop's primary greenhouse. Inoichi felt he'd be quite worried about the conversation at the rate things were going, because Naruto wasn't paying the least attention to the various flowers and other plants like other times he'd been in the greenhouse.

They cleared the greenhouse and Inoichi curved away to the side as they crossed a grassy area. He stepped up to a building off to the side, a fairly unassuming one-story structure of a traditional design. One end of the building was connected by a covered walkway to the home opposite the greenhouse. The two entered, revealing a dojo space within. He gestured for the boy to sit before doing so himself and waiting for the boy to start.

“I need you to get me into Ino-chan's mindscape, tonight.” That would explain some of the emotions rolling off the boy, except that it explained absolutely nothing. Time to see where things led to, because there seemed to be a mystery afoot and involved his daughter.

“One's mind is a very private thing, Uzumaki-san. The Clan has strict guidelines on when we can enter the minds of allies–”

“What about for mental health? I'm sure you noticed your daughter acting off starting a few days after the accident with Sakura-chan. I mean, off even from how she was acting after the accident prior to that point. Frequent twitching that's slowly occurred less and less as time goes on?”

“While I'm glad you're looking out for her, it's not out of possibility that such things occur normally when someone is dealing with a traumatic situation like she was in. Her surroundings could've been causing her to think about the accident, leading to the twitches. That they've been getting less is simply a sign of her getting past the issue.” Inoichi noted equal parts frustration and annoyance from Naruto. And an increase in the desperation. What in the world had him so worked–

“It's not trauma! It's that damn Shadow that's been a guest in her head nearly every time I've seen her starting a few days after the accident! Can't really make out an appearance, but it's been saying or doing things to Ino-chan that causes the twitches like she's fighting whatever is happening.”

Inoichi mentally blinked. Nothing but honesty off the blonde. Now they were getting somewhere, but there were holes all over this story. “A shadow person that you can see with her, that's in her head, that no one else has ever mentioned seeing, and it's responsible for Ino's change of behavior?”

“Yes!”

He sighed. If nothing else, the boy clearly believed it was all true. “Uzu– Naruto-san, think about what you're saying. The Yamanaka Clan specializes in the mind. If something like that was true, we'd know about it by now. The fact that you'd use a story like that to try to get inside my daughter's head–”

“Fuck your Clan's specialization! What you know about the mind doesn't scratch what's affecting Ino-chan!” Inoichi blinked. Desperation was the overwhelming emotion for the boy now. Desperation and determination. He allowed Naruto to gather his thoughts and take a breath. “Take me into her mind. You'll be with me the entire time, right? We go, find Ino, make sure she's okay. If she is, I'll accept whatever punishment you decide.”

Inoichi considered his options, and when his daughter could be in the balance it wasn't much of a decision. “I'll go tomorrow. Alright?”

Naruto shook his head frantically. “The twitching's nearly stopped. Whatever's happening, I'm sure tonight is the last chance to do something about it. If you're right, we just disturb Ino and she'll be extremely pissed at me. I get punished, and everything's fine. But what if you're wrong? The sooner we help her, the better.”

“You keep saying 'we' and wanting to go in. I can handle anything I encounter in her mind short of a biju.” Naruto glanced to the side briefly on mention of a biju. Did he know...?

“You can't handle this.” Pure certainty, complete with eye contact. Curiouser and curiouser. “Please.”

Inoichi gazed out a window of the dojo. What should he do? Logic would say that Naruto was spinning a yarn to get into Ino's head for some reason, but it didn't make sense when his emotional state came into play. And the idea of a Yamanaka not having a clue how to handle a matter of the mind... well, to be fair they were well aware that aspects of the mind where still beyond their comprehension. But not even a hint of something? Wait. Naruto said, “that damn Shadow.” Not “shadowy thing” or “shadowed thing,” but “shadow.”

“Naruto, you know what we're dealing with, don't you? Maybe not specifically who, but certainly what it is?” The boy nodded. “Why did you wait until now to come to me then?”

“Would you have believed me? I mean, you still don't really believe me now. I... I didn't want to come to you at all, but I couldn't find her on my own. Maybe I don't know her well enough, or I'm not familiar enough with her 'scent' or signature or whatever. Maybe I'm just bad at tracking. I've been trying since I realized the problem, but I'm out of time. This is my only option to get into her mind in time to help. I can explain what I can as we go.”

Inoichi faced the decision. Everything he knew urged him to say no to letting the boy in, to postpone and check it out himself. But at the same time, it was his daughter at stake if the boy was right. All veteran shinobi learned to listen to their instinct in the field, and his had been trying to chime in most of the conversation.

Ten minutes later he was standing outside a structure that had a vague similarity to his home, Naruto standing next to him. “Huh. So do all mindscapes look like this? 'Cause mine looks like a sewer, and I'd like to think I'm not the odd person out.”

Inoichi started striding forward to the front door. Naruto followed behind him, unzipping his jacket as they went. “Actually, when we enter minds, we enter the mindscape, not the front yard of the mindscape. And each mind is different. Our thoughts, feelings, experiences... they all help bring form to one's mindscape.”

“Even the thoughts and feelings we hide and bury away because they aren't 'us'?”

He stopped just inside the house. Despite the appearance outside, the interior layout wasn't entirely similar to his actual home. Plus, there seemed to be plants growing through the walls and seemingly starting to replace them. “Those can have an effect on the mindscape, yes. But generally not as much as the parts we don't hide away. Hm. Ino's mindscape has been altered since I last saw it while training her.”

“The plants aren't supposed to be here?”

Inoichi nodded. “The plants aren't supposed to be here. I guess the good news is that the doors seem to be knocked out by the vines, so we can search faster. Now, as we start searching, I want an explanation. What is a Shadow?”

“Ahh, that might be an easy to accept concept for you. From what I understand, Shadows are, um, suppressed thoughts and feelings a person has, but given form. And they're usually pretty pissed about being the ignored/suppressed parts of a person. Denying that they're a part of you gives them strength and eventually they might decide to kill you to 'become' you. As far as anyone knows, that plan just doesn't work though.”

That... made a disturbing amount of sense. “So all Shadows would be generally the darker side of people that they don't want to admit to having? Then why has the Yamanaka not encountered them before?”

“Eh, I'm not sure. It could be that no Yamanaka up to this point has had the special whatever needed to spark the contact. Maybe they weren't in the right place to do so. I hear that there's this waterfall up in Lightning Country that let's you see your inner reflection. That could be a way to meet your Shadow.” Naruto paused for a moment to look into another room they came across. “Heck, for all we know, they might've met their Shadow and were killed by it. Without knowing of their existence, it's just have been considered a training accident.”

Something didn't seem to add up. If a Shadow was the darker side of a person that's been hidden away, and a Shadow killing the real self to become them doesn't work, then what about Shadow death? “What happens when you kill a Shadow? Is the person it's linked to affected by the action?”

“Not if the person is alive. There's Shadows that are linked to living people. They tend to look like their real self, but with enough power, they transform into a different appearance. Those Shadows can't actually be killed. As along as the real self lives, they live. Might need time to recovery, but they'll live.” He glanced into another room. “Aren't there supposed to be memories or something floating around in these rooms or something?”

Inoichi had hoped the boy wouldn't pick up on that possibility, but it seemed he was more observant than people thought. Or just lucky on his guesses. “Not necessarily. However, Ino-chan shouldn't have the mental discipline and experience to do something like that yet. What about Shadows that aren't linked to living people?”

“Those? They largely lose their intelligence and the memories of their real self and wander around like wildlife. Kill those, they stay dead. Don't think it's possible to wipe them all out though. I mean, I think a few million or billion people died during the fight involving the Sage of the Six Paths. That's a lot of Shadows.”

Inoichi noted the comment regarding the Sage, but let it slide for now. The two continued their exploration, finding nothing but empty rooms and plants as they progressed. Inoichi decided to bring up another question he had from the earlier conversations. “Why didn't you think I could handle a Shadow, Naruto-san?”

“Um. Well, you don't have a Persona. Those are the best things to combat a Shadow with.” At a gesture, Naruto continued. “A Persona is... a tamed Shadow from what I understand. It's your true self. All persona have different strengths and abilities. Some are stronger than others. A lot like ninja, ya know?”

By now, there were no more side corridors or rooms. A meter ahead of them laid one last doorway. If Ino was in her mindscape, she couldn't be anywhere except past those doors. It was troubling to him that the walls, floor, and even the ceiling were plants here. The only exception being the wall the door was on. “Naruto-san, stay here. I'll go in first and see what the situation is.”

“But if it really is a Shadow, you going in first makes you a target. Couldn't we just slide the door open a bit and look in first, all sneaky like?”

He gazed at the blonde. It was seemed surprisingly hard to not smile at the kid with how he ended the question, despite the circumstances. “Fair enough, though if she's fine, I reserve the right to throw you in to suffer her wrath while I exit to safety.”

The boy was wise to the horrors that were angry females it seemed, given how he shivered and tried to plead for mercy with his eyes. Unfortunately, Inoichi hadn't been part of the T&I division for nothing, and he easily ignored the plea as he slid open the doors. Or just one door, apparently, as the other seemed jammed in place.

What. The. Hell. There were two Inos in the room. One looked like her current self, the other looked like a possible older version of her. And the conversation.... He was glad he listened to his instinct now. Inoichi glanced at Naruto as the boy slid the door shut.

“Um, good news Inoichi-san! We're apparently in time to save Ino, and I was right about a Shadow being involved. Bad news, that's not the general shape of the Shadow I've been seeing.”

“More importantly right now, Naruto-san. What is it doing to my daughter?”

“Well, you know how I said that a Persona is a tamed Shadow? Do you know what happens when the reverse happens? When a Shadow tames their real self? Because I have no idea. It's never been tried that I know of. I guess there's only one thing to do then.”

He raised his eyebrow as the boy lined up with the doors. “And what would that be?”

“Well, I've never rescued a princess before, even if she's only that to you, so it's time to pop my rescuing princesses cherry.” Naruto thankfully paused in confusion, allowing Inoichi to restart his thought processes. “Actually, what does that phrase even mean, 'popping my cherry'? Every time I ask an adult, they tend to get blushing or stammering before muttering something and fleeing the area. Or yell at me and chase me off.”

Inoichi coughed and glanced anywhere but at the door leading to his daughter or Naruto. Why did he have to be stuck in the mindscape with this question? “It's... Let's just say it's regarding a topic that you shouldn't be concerned about for a few more years minimum.”

“It's something perverted, isn't it? I knew it!” Naruto smacked his fist into the palm of his other hand. He shook his head. “Whatever. Okay, bust in there, un-tame Ino-chan – no matter how much more bearable she'd probably be like this–, defeat her Shadow, save the day. Simple.”

Inoichi had one last thing to ask as the boy prepared to go save the girl. “Naruto... what are you doing?”

“Well, I get to make a heroic entrance. And when it comes to that, a phrase comes to mind – go big or go home.”
And good lord, I was aiming for 5k words per chapter. I'm pretty sure when I'm done this'll be more like 8-10k words alone. The current scene being worked on alone hits 2700-2800 words and I believe the chapter in its current state is ~6100-6200 words. Though, this is an interesting way to write chapters. Do the bulk of it, release, then edit/add as necessary to fill out/clarify/etc the chapter based on feedback.

EDIT: Also went ahead and reworked the Hokage meeting scene somewhat to do the excising and cut down on things.

Oh, and I noticed that I used meters elsewhere in chp1, so I really probably should use 'feet' in the snippet, yeah?
Last edited by Phht on March 27th, 2013, 3:18 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Pursuing My True Self (Naruto/Persona)

Unread postby DIT_grue » March 27th, 2013, 3:12 am

Nice. :smile: How about an explicit scene break between Inoichi considering his instincts and the two of them entering the mindscape? And I noticed one typo - "aspects of the mind where still beyond their comprehension." should be 'were' not 'where'.
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Re: Pursuing My True Self (Naruto/Persona)

Unread postby Phht » March 27th, 2013, 3:48 am

Nice. :smile: How about an explicit scene break between Inoichi considering his instincts and the two of them entering the mindscape? And I noticed one typo - "aspects of the mind where still beyond their comprehension." should be 'were' not 'where'.
I had considered that, but figured I'd try it as one continuous scene. Given the time skip between the two points, there's not really a reason to not have a break there.

And thanks. I know I've gone through the story before and caught typos and whatnot that I missed before, so not surprised that I didn't catch that one. :D Like using feet in the snippet when I had already used the metric system elsewhere in the chapter.
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Re: Pursuing My True Self (Naruto/Persona)

Unread postby QuoteMyFoot » March 27th, 2013, 6:36 am

This snippet works really well now. I love it.
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Re: Pursuing My True Self (Naruto/Persona)

Unread postby Phht » March 28th, 2013, 8:26 am

Alright first (maybe last?) sweep of Shadow-Ino scene complete. The start was expanded, middle was expanded so it's not such an abrupt fight scene and curbstomp. Well, it's still an abrupt curbstomp once the fight actually starts, but it's not "walk in, banter, cue stupid looking boss, curbstomp" as much now. Plus, we find out why Naruto stopped where the root motif floor section started. And increased the appearance of Shadow-Ino's thoughts during the scene. Moved one-ish line down to the expanded middle.

At this point, chapter 1 is over 9000 (har har) words.

...and I discovered I dropped a word during the Hokage conversation. "vanished once the last of the clean occurred years later." D'oh.
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Re: Pursuing My True Self (Naruto/Persona)

Unread postby Phht » April 1st, 2013, 6:48 am

So, I would have the next scene of chp2 ready, except I'm an idiot. :D See, I had the scene in mind and everything, but shelved it while reworking chp1 because I figured I'd be done quick enough and I'd remember the scene. Nope! I sorta remember the front/end but not the bulk of it. So working on recreating the scene in my head so I can write it.

Upside, I've pretty much got my Persona capability stuff straightened up.
Spoiler: show
Following the battle with Nyx, the Persona Arcana was shaken up severely. Knowledge of what Persona are part of what Arcana from Before is not entirely useful any more. The Arcana still exist, but the knowledge of what ended up where is muddled.

Normal Users
The regular limitation of one Persona that evolves into a new form remains with most people. Due to the creation of chakra and related events, some changes have occurred. Genetic bloodlines in families could majorly alter things.

There are several ways known Before to gain a Persona. One method involved making a contract with a being called Philemon, but he hasn't been seen directly involved in events since 1999 (method used with P1-P2IS/EP). Another method is that the Persona can be Awakened, either naturally or artificially (Persona 3). Many users that naturally awaken Persona have had serious mental trauma earlier in their lives. Artificially awakened Persona have a high chance of going berserk and must be suppressed by drugs to allow the user to safely use it. A sufficiently powerful being can awaken a Persona, much like Philemon's contract method (a few people in Persona 4).

The last well known method is for a person to face their Shadow and accept it as part of them (everyone else with a persona in Persona 4). This will cause the Shadow to transform into a Persona. This method has an issue in that the Persona could feasibly revert back into a Shadow if the user begins denying those aspects of themselves again (though theoretically, that should be true regardless of method and likely explains the issue with artificially awakened Persona).

Chakra Users
Those people with access to chakra that utilize it have a higher chance of awakening their Persona or encountering their Shadow. With the introduction of chakra to the system, some regular users gain a new Persona instead of their Persona evolving like normally occurs. The new Persona gained would be of the same Arcana as the original Persona. Persona users that are biju jinchuuriki may receive access to the Persona of the fragment of Nyx sealed within them, which are exceptions to the capability rules.

Wild Card
A Wild Card is typically a User that can possess multiple Persona and gets access to stronger Persona through their bonds with others. This differs from a chakra user that gains a second Persona because that event occurs when the user realizes important insight into themselves, rather than through bonds. A Wild Card is not necessarily limited to one Arcana, though it is also not required to be multiple Arcana either.

Some have referred to a Wild Card user that can use multiple Arcana as a True Wild Card or a Wild Fool, as such a user tends to be of the Fool Arcana.
Gist is: Normal Persona rules for non-chakra using people. Chakra using people (ninja, Iron Country samurai) have the same rules, but have a chance to gain new Persona instead of the current one evolving as usual. Wild Cards remain the same. Biju persona are handled outside the rules.

Note: Despite deciding that Arcana do exist, I won't really explicitly designate anyone/thing of a specific Arcana. With two clear exceptions. One is a character. The other, are the biju persona; they're either The World or The Universe Arcana.
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Re: Pursuing My True Self (Naruto/Persona)

Unread postby Phht » April 10th, 2013, 11:12 am

So, I think I've largely recreated the scene in my head. I'm not sure if I'll make it the first scene of the chapter or second. Mainly because makes some sense to do it first (taking into account how the the previous scene released ended), whereas doing it second means that Naruto came to a conclusion based on the Ino incident along with a gut feeling that then starts showing he may be right. Not sure which way I'd rather go.

In any case, have another bit of chapter 2.
Spoiler: show
She almost groaned in frustration as she opened her eyes to find herself resting against a tree at the Academy. It didn’t seem to have been a long time, as most of the students were still on the grounds.

“Tch. Weakling. Can’t even talk to him, can you?”

Hinata closed her eyes and kept her voice down. “I am not weak! I would have managed to talk to him if you had not put those images in my head again.”

“You think that Yamanaka would be distracted by those images? You failed again because you’re weak. You’re so weak that she’s slipped in and taken him from you without a fight. Maybe she’s even seen those parts of him, hm?”

“I am not!” Her fists clenched. “I have not let her have him. And we are ten.”

A breathy chuckle answered her. “If you haven’t, why are you over here, while she’s over there with him all to herself? The first step in fixing something is acknowledging that you have a problem. And your problem is that you’re weak. Everyone knows it. Your father is disappointed in you because you’re weak. Your sister looks down on you because you’re weak. Your cousin treats you poorly because you’re weak. Your clan treats you like they do because you’re weak. You have no friends because you’re weak. He doesn't notice you because you're weak. She’s taking him from you because you’re weak.”

Hinata bowed her head and kept quiet.

“But you know what comes after admitting you have a problem? You start to fix it. I can make you strong. That’s what you want, isn’t it? Your family won’t look down on you anymore. You’ll be assertive and make friends. You can get his attention and save him from that blonde tramp. So, Hinata-chan... are you finally ready to be strong?”

The girl sat where she was, staring at the ground. Her eyes narrowed as her gaze tracked over to where Ino and Naruto were walking out of the Academy together. “...yes.”
I will admit that this scene was built around the last few lines of the scene. Not entirely sure I got it as I first envisioned it, but pretty sure I got the gist of what was covered.
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Re: Pursuing My True Self (Naruto/Persona)

Unread postby Phht » June 10th, 2013, 3:55 am

So, I had inspiration all over. Inspiration for the boss scene, inspiration for the boss scene TWO CHAPTERS from now, inspiration for scenes from after they graduate... But fuck all inspiration for the next scene of the chapter. Or when I did have inspiration, I fell asleep soon after and had forgotten it after waking. Hence the lack of updates since April.
Spoiler: show
Inoichi was glad in some ways that that incident had happened all those weeks ago, as it gave him moments like this. He looked up from his paperwork – classified and related to said incident – as his daughter all but stomped into the room, dragging Naruto in behind her by the arm. Her eyes shone with a need to discuss something while her face looked annoyed, likely by the person she dragged in with her. He hid a smile and went back to the paperwork, calmly and slowly reading over the scroll, writing on it where necessary, until he felt Ino was nearly at the edge of her patience.

Inoichi rolled up the scroll and looked at the two in front of him. His daughter was practically bouncing on her toes with impatience, while Naruto just stood there with an amused and slightly smug smile. “So, I take it we need to do a dive on someone outside the clan?”

He was glad Naruto was standing outside of Ino’s view – and that the boy was controlling his laughter – as his daughter froze with a look of complete shock on her face, just staring at him with wide eyes and opened mouth. She appeared to be trying to say something for a few seconds, but all that resulted was her jaw moving. Finally, she recovered and responded. “How did you know that?”

He leaned back in his chair with a smile. “I am a Jounin, princess.”

Disbelieving awe crept across her face. Naruto spoke up. “And I told him a few days ago that I had told you about my suspicions last week and we were to compare notes around now.”

Inoichi ignored his daughter's glare as he nodded. “And Naruto let me know about this a few days ago, so I figured it was the reason you dragged him in here while annoyed. Did he try to get you to admit he was right on the way over?”

She refused to answer but Naruto’s gleeful nodding said everything. “What was it you said, Ino? ‘Oh, she’s been like that since before the Academy. It couldn’t be connected!’ ‘You’re just imagining things. Stop being paranoid and study harder, baka!’”

“I will beat you unconscious, Uzumaki.”

Inoichi hid his amusement at Naruto’s semi-accurate imitation of Ino and decided to intervene before the conversation got further off track. “So, who are we looking at here?”

Both kids winced as they shifted their gaze from each other back to him. Ino answered, “Hyuuga Hinata.”

He sat in silence contemplating the issue before him. Inoichi sighed before standing and retrieving the scroll he had been going over before their arrival. “A bit worse of a situation than I was expecting, but before we do anything on that, we need to see the Hokage.”

A simultaneous pair of groans erupted, but the two followed behind as they began their second trek to the Hokage’s tower in as many months. The trio made their way through the tower and quickly entered the Hokage’s office.
The last paragraph came as I initially was going to have the next scene merged in with this one, but then wasn't sure if I wanted it from Inoichi's POV, so did scene split. The next scene is partially complete at the moment. When that one is completed, will have hit 3 of the 7 plot points I had set for the chapter. I expect the two plot points after the coming scene should account for a third to a half or more of the chapter, with the remaining two plot points being a quarter to a third of the chapter. So 6-7k target range for first draft completion.

It's somewhat tough to balance out the boss fights. In game terms, biju clock in at the high 70s to 88-92 level-wise. This puts them on par with end-game Persona in P3-4. Literally, the highest level persona in P3FES are 90 (they probably gain a few levels from S-link bonuses when created, but they start bare minimum at 90). The two highest level persona in P4 are 91/93 minimum. So imagine taking a level 88-92 Persona into an early game boss fight, where the opponent is probably level 20-25 (hence why the fight with Shadow-Ino was off screen -- absolute curbstomp once Kurama came out -- and that shadow would've been more like level 10-15). Luckily one of those annoying scenes inspiration came with regarding post-graduation events gave me an excellent idea of how to handle things.
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Re: Pursuing My True Self (Naruto/Persona)

Unread postby Phht » August 22nd, 2014, 4:31 am

I haven't forgotten this! Just got distracted as well as continued to be stuck on that one freaking scene. Decided to try fitting in the beginning and end of the argument, but shuffle the middle part out of the room (and scene).

While I'm working on that, here's a recap of the current state of chp2 (as of Jun 2013). Link to chp1 should be in the first post.
Spoiler: show
“Sensei, I understand why Ino-kohai–” Naruto paused for a moment to dart out of range of Ino's annoyed – though it seemed by now to be more friendly than damage-intending – punch before continuing, “needs to get a full eight hours of sleep, but why can't I do some Persona training until later in the night?”

Inoichi quirked an eyebrow and ignored the actual subject of the question. “And why does Ino-chan need a full night of sleep?”

Naruto stopped in place, located between Ino and the door. “She needs all the help she can get from beauty sleep, dattebayo.”

Ino twitched and carefully moved closer to Naruto, while managing to restrain herself from attacking him. “Oh sempai, you'll never make it as a respected ninja, let alone Hokage, as long as you keep using stupid words like that.”

Naruto looked at her for a moment in contemplation. He then nodded to himself and replied, “Your face is stupid. Believe it!”

Inoichi reflected that the weeks since he began tutoring and training Naruto alongside Ino had been anything but boring. Particularly whenever Naruto was attacked by Ino mid-lesson because of a comment made like now, and then sending them running laps in the streets near the house after they either tired themselves out or one came out on top of the fight. Plus it allowed him to see how Naruto had an innate sense on people's moods at times.

“Sensei, has anyone been able to figure anything more out about why Sakura-chan isn't awake? It's been about five weeks since the accident and all.”

Inoichi glanced over and blinked. “Naruto, when did you learn to tie someone with rope like that?”

Naruto looked down the trussed up Ino he was sitting on. “I read up on it from a scroll I found hidden in Ino's room when I skipped class one day a couple weeks back. But back to Sakura-chan, sensei. I mean, it's actually kinda fun to wind her up and get her annoyed, but it doesn't seem as interesting as when Sakura and her do similar with their rivalry.”

Ino stopped struggling below him. Inoichi noted that Naruto had somehow gagged her as well and resolved not to ask where Naruto acquired the gag. The news about his daughter having that scroll was bad enough, he didn't need any additional destruction of her mental image as innocent in his mind. “All this time of annoying her and enraging her was to give her something familiar to distract her some from her friend not being around to do the same?”

“Of course, dattebayo!” The smirk on the boy's face as Ino growled beneath him made it clear he had used that deliberately. “Ino is a friend, so I wouldn't take shots at her to be mean! But annoying her so she trains harder to get even with me?”

“So you weren't just being tsundere this entire time?” It took all of Inoichi's ninja experience and willpower not to laugh at the two kids' reactions to his question. It was moments like this that all teachers cherished.

“Kami no! Though if you hadn't revealed things, Ino might have ended up tsundere for me.”

A muffled roar of anger preceded Ino managing to buck Naruto off her body. She rolled away from him and rapidly freed herself from the ropes. Inoichi decided to speak up before a second fight broke out.

“I see you've been training on escaping rope, Ino-chan. Though if Naruto had tied that properly, you shouldn't have been able to get free without a lot of embarrassment for you and likely me. And no, Naruto, nothing's been uncovered so far that could help, and her clan is being tight lipped when asked if they know anything that could help.”

“Dammit.” Naruto sighed and stared at a wall briefly before focusing on Inoichi. “So ten laps around the market for fighting?”

Inoichi nodded and watched with a bit of pride as his daughter and Naruto made their way out of the dojo to run laps without a word of complaint. Once they were out of sight, he opened the note Naruto left behind. Might need a dive on a non-Haruno. Filled Ino in on suspicion last week and we'll be comparing notes some point in next few days to see if she agrees.



She almost groaned in frustration as she opened her eyes to find herself resting against a tree at the Academy. It didn’t seem to have been a long time, as most of the students were still on the grounds.

“Tch. Weakling. Can’t even talk to him, can you?”

Hinata closed her eyes and kept her voice down. “I am not weak! I would have managed to talk to him if you had not put those images in my head again.”

“You think that Yamanaka would be distracted by those images? You failed again because you’re weak. You’re so weak that she’s slipped in and taken him from you without a fight. Maybe she’s even seen those parts of him, hm?”

“I am not!” Her fists clenched. “I have not let her have him. And we are ten.”

A breathy chuckle answered her. “If you haven’t, why are you over here, while she’s over there with him all to herself? The first step in fixing something is acknowledging that you have a problem. And your problem is that you’re weak. Everyone knows it. Your father is disappointed in you because you’re weak. Your sister looks down on you because you’re weak. Your cousin treats you poorly because you’re weak. The Branch house treats you like they do because you’re weak. You have no friends because you’re weak. He doesn't notice you because you're weak. She’s taking him from you because you’re weak.”

Hinata bowed her head and kept quiet.

“But you know what comes after admitting you have a problem? You start to fix it. I can make you strong. That’s what you want, isn’t it? Your family won’t look down on you anymore. You’ll be assertive and make friends. You will get his attention and save him from that blonde tramp. So, Hinata-chan... are you ready to be strong?”

The girl sat where she was, staring at the ground. Her gaze tracked over to where Ino and Naruto were walking out of the Academy together. “...yes.”



Inoichi was glad in some ways that that incident had happened all those weeks ago, as it gave him moments like this. He looked up from his paperwork – classified and related to said incident – as his daughter all but stomped into the room, dragging Naruto in behind her by the arm. Her eyes shone with a need to discuss something while her face looked annoyed, likely by the person she dragged in with her. He hid a smile and went back to the paperwork, calmly and slowly reading over the scroll, writing on it where necessary, until he felt Ino was nearly at the edge of her patience.

Inoichi rolled up the scroll and looked at the two in front of him. His daughter was practically bouncing on her toes with impatience, while Naruto just stood there with an amused and slightly smug smile. “So, I take it we need to do a dive on someone outside the clan?”

He was glad Naruto was standing outside of Ino’s view – and that the boy was controlling his laughter – as his daughter froze with a look of complete shock on her face, just staring at him with wide eyes and opened mouth. She appeared to be trying to say something for a few seconds, but all that resulted was her jaw moving. Finally, she recovered and responded. “How did you know that?”

He leaned back in his chair with a smile. “I am a Jounin, princess.”

Disbelieving awe crept across her face. Naruto spoke up. “And I told him a few days ago that I had told you about my suspicions last week and we were to compare notes around now.”

Inoichi ignored his daughter’s glare as he nodded. “And Naruto let me know about this a few days ago, so I figured it was the reason you dragged him in here while annoyed. Did he try to get you to admit he was right on the way over?”

She refused to answer but Naruto’s gleeful nodding said everything. “What was it you said, Ino? ‘Oh, she’s been like that since before the Academy. It couldn’t be connected!’ ‘You’re just imagining things. Stop being paranoid and study harder, baka!’”

“I will beat you unconscious, Uzumaki.”

Inoichi hid his amusement at Naruto’s semi-accurate imitation of Ino and decided to intervene before the conversation got further off track. “So, who are we looking at here?”

Both kids winced as they shifted their gaze from each other back to him. Ino answered, “Hyuuga Hinata.”

He sat in silence contemplating the issue before him. Inoichi sighed before standing and retrieving the scroll he had been going over before their arrival. “A bit worse of a situation than I was expecting, but before we do anything on that, we need to see the Hokage.”

A simultaneous pair of groans erupted, but the two followed behind as they began their second trek to the Hokage’s tower in as many months. The trio made their way through the tower and quickly entered the Hokage’s office.
I was thinking about shadows and I'm not entirely happy with the details, but at least there's some foundation there to work with now.
Spoiler: show
  • Level 01-60
    • Normal Shadows
    • Level range is generally more like 10-50.
  • Level 40-60
    • "Smart" Shadows
    • These Shadows are intelligent and tend to have unique appearances (generally less than a dozen Shadows "share" an appearance at any given time, at most).
    • Some of these Shadows retain the memories of the person they were attached to in life, and may retain the general appearance as well.
  • Level 61-75
    • "Elder" Shadows
    • Many of these Shadows date back to the early days post-cataclysm, but that's not a requirement to be classed as such.
  • Level 76-90
    • "Old Ones"
    • These Shadows are from Before. They are the oldest and most powerful Shadows in the world. Only 13 exist, one for each major Arcana.
  • Reaper
    • Level 99
    • Not actually a Shadow, but it 'lives' in the same world as them.
Shadows generally grow stronger in two ways.
  • Age - The older a Shadow, the stronger they are.
  • Eating other Shadows - Shadows can defeat and consume other Shadows to gain their power (think of the exp pool of the defeated Shadow being added to the exp pool of the victor). This was somewhat rampant in the chaos after the cataclysm, but largely died down once things stabilized.
Shadow Types
  • "Feral" - These are the majority of Shadows one will encounter outside cities/villages in the shadow world. They lost their intelligence and individuality, becoming one of various common types of Shadows for their arcana type. Feral Shadows cannot be higher than lv100.
  • "Living" - These are Shadows of people who are still living. Not many of these roam around outside "their" person's mindscape. They tend to be the dark reflections of the person. Their appearance is generally that of "their" person, but there can be differences (such as Shadow Yukiko wearing a princess outfit vs Yukiko in a kimono in P4, or Shadow Ino looking like an older version of Ino). Their strength varies, but would likely not exceed lv100.
  • "Unique" - These Shadows have either retained their intelligence and appearance after "their" person dies, or regained their intelligence due to age. Most of these are "Smart" Shadows and higher, though it does not preclude younger Shadows existing that meet the standards. These Shadows tend to rise in power faster and thus are generally in the lv75+ power range.
Spoiler: show
Naruto (age 8) - Lv1
Naruto (age 10; fic start) - Lv15
Shadow Ino (chp1 boss) - Lv10
Ino (age 10; joins party) - Lv10
Naruto (chp2ish) - Lv16
Ino (chp2ish) - Lv13
Shadow ??? (chp2 boss) - Lv15
Hinata (joins party) - Lv15
Naruto (chp3ish) - Lv22
Ino (chp3ish) - Lv20
Hinata (chp3ish) - Lv22
Shadow ??? (chp3 boss) - Lv20
??? (joins party) - Lv20
Naruto (chp4ish) - Lv27
Ino (chp4ish) - Lv26
Hinata (chp4ish) - Lv26
??? (chp4ish) - Lv23
??? (chp4 boss) - Lv59
-arc end-
Naruto (age 12) - Lv33
Ino (age 12) - Lv31
Hinata (age 12) - Lv34
??? (age 12) - Lv31

Persona
Shukaku (1T) - Lv85
Matatabi (2T) - Lv86
Isobu (3T) - Lv87
Son Goku (4T) - Lv88
Kokuo (5T) - Lv89
Saiken (6T) - Lv90
Chomei (7T) - Lv91
Gyuki (8T) - Lv92
Kurama (9T) - Lv93

Not necessarily set in stone, but rough idea of how things'll progress over the arc/story. A second story arc, if done, would likely end up revolving around Orochimaru's Cursed Seals (maybe a rough level spread of 30-50). A third arc might involve time skip and then working to unite/network the nine jinchuuriki and perhaps go into who were the persona users linked to each fragment. Fourth arc would almost certainly involve Akatsuki and end the overall story.
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Re: Pursuing My True Self (Naruto/Persona)

Unread postby Phht » August 29th, 2014, 2:15 am

So, yeah. Scene done! Not sure how well I like it, but it has been a year since I wrote on it. The part up to where Naruto starts speaking was written last year, so hopefully I didn't mess up POV or anything. Definitely wanting feedback on this scene.
Spoiler: show
The Hokage gave a small sigh on seeing their entrance and set aside the paperwork in front of him. “So we do have larger problems hidden within our village.”

Inoichi nodded and handed the scroll over. “The suspected victim this time is a Hyuuga. Their heiress no less.”

He took the scroll and looked over it as he pondered the situation before looking at the pair of Academy students. “Support for that conclusion?”

The two looked between each other, carrying a silent conversation with gestures and facial expressions, ending with Ino giving Naruto a “go on” gesture.

“Okay, Hinata-chan’s always been kinda quiet and, um, what’s the word? withdrawn?” Getting a nod from Ino, he continued. “So she’s always been not very outgoing the entire time in the Academy. Then a day or two after I asked Ino if she thought anything was off about Hinata, she really shifted. Confidence, that ‘I’m better than you lowly creatures’ thing like Sasuke has regarding everyone else, more aggressive in taijutsu practice ‒ incidentally, she seemed to prefer to face Ino when possible in taijutsu matches for some reason ‒, and so on. She makes me think of Uchiha in attitude. Not so much Sasuke, but the other Uchiha back before they all died. It’s like she’s out Uchiha-ing Sasuke. So if sudden personality changes are a sign of an issue we need to deal with, she’s definitely needing checked.”

Naruto snapped his fingers. “Oh! And what got me wondering originally. One time when we were out eating lunch, I was looking around and as Hinata was leaving my eyesight one time, I thought I saw a shadow figure with her. When I looked again, it was just Hinata so I thought I might have imagined things. Decided to go with my feelings a day or so later and asked Ino if anything was off about Hinata.”

“...what?” Ino’s head swung around to face him. “If you saw that two weeks ago, she-”

“Ino.” Inoichi decided to stop the meeting from getting derailed by an argument. “Other than that last bit, do you agree with Naruto about Hinata?”

Ino grudgingly nodded. “That’s most of what I saw too. A few other things I noted down and gave to dad. Kunoichi things Naruto wouldn’t think of, because he’s male… and dense.”

The Hokage tilted his head to the secure conference room door and nodded to Inoichi, who looked at the two. “Alright, Hokage-sama and I have to work out some details, so you two go into the room over there and wait.”

Naruto glanced at the room, then to the door out of the office. “Couldn’t we just wait with the secretary?”

Sarutobi shifted some scrolls to cover the slight smile the question brought him. “Unfortunately Naruto-kun, I don’t think Ino-chan will stay quiet and the discussion is not one I would want in a semi-public area like that.”

He proved correct once Ino grabbed Naruto and dragged him out of the room. Both ninja shared a glance and a wince. He opened one of the scrolls he moved, then nodded and passed it to Inoichi.

“Most of the details can be covered later by reading the scroll, as I don’t think Ino and Naruto will allow us time to go over it all. Konoha is unofficially forming an Anti-Shadow unit designated TOKA.”

Inoichi blinked and tried to expand the shorthand designation. “TOKA?”

“Tokubetsu Kagai Katsudou-bu.”

“A special extracurricular activity squad? Making it sound school related, so if they mention the full name we can just claim they’re making the tutoring-slash-training sound more interesting?”

“They’re Academy students, and we can’t exactly form a special operations group in the first place if we want to keep it a secret from whoever is behind the incidents. As such, I will be fairly limited in how much legal or political protection I can provide should troubles arise in those areas.”

Inoichi nodded and skimmed through the scroll. “As for how to approach examining Hyuuga-san… perhaps we can use Ino’s incident as a cover?”

They both noticed a seal subtly flash near the door to the secure room. “If someone was trying to infiltrate or destabilize the village by mind altering students, we would want to keep it very low key. Hiashi-san wouldn’t want his clan looking weak if it turned out his heiress was affected. I’ll notify him of the issue tomorrow. Perhaps have Ino or Naruto invite Hinata over to your house for some after-school activity as another level of cover?”

The jounin nodded. “I can do that. I think we probably need to go rescue one of the two now before it gets too out of hand.”

Both moved toward the door, Inoichi arriving first and opening it. They realized it was probably too late when they heard the sound of an angry, yelling Ino as the security seals began deactivating around the door, and knew it was too late when they saw Naruto open his mouth.

“Well, if it would’ve kept your quieter, maybe I should have waited longer!” Naruto realized what he said too late, his hands coming up to cover his mouth.

Ino was wide-eyed and pale. She tried to form words, but nothing was coming out.

Inoichi stepped into the room, drawing Naruto’s attention. The jounin stepped to the side and gestured with his head at the doorway. Naruto gave a grateful look and fled. Inoichi moved over and wrapped his arms around his daughter.
Spoiler: show
The plan: Hiashi will be informed that there may be some external group attempting to infiltrate or destabilize the village by somehow getting to Academy students and altering their minds. Symptoms so far associated with this issue include dramatic personality shifts. The recent changes in Yamanaka Ino appear to have been due to this group. And while Hinata's certainly more like what the clan would want in their heiress, the risk to the clan and the village is not acceptable if it turns out to be due to external control. Since this is a sensitive issue on multiple levels, Inoichi will be setting up a time to check out her mind for the problem without it being obvious to others.

Ino would then get Hinata to come over (Naruto doing taijutsu practice and he tends to go shirtless after a while, something), where Inoichi would inform Hinata of the cover story her father was given, and they'd go into her mind.

I was intending for the next scene to be written to start in her mindscape, but not entirely sure if I want to skip to that point.
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Re: Pursuing My True Self (Naruto/Persona)

Unread postby jgkitarel » August 29th, 2014, 5:56 am

The lead up in getting Hinata to them so that the issue can be resolved should be covered, though how you do so is up to you. The entire premise of getting Hinata's issue resolved is not one that would be too far fetched for ninja, nor would it be all that surprising to Inoichi and Sarutobi if that were actually the case. Also, if Hinata is being controlled by her shadow and it gets resolved, they have another to share the burden and fill out the team nicely.
Also, I have to punch you, jgkitarel, because I spent a lot of time on the nanoha wiki trying to locate information on mages being trained due to being above a certain rank, only to remember and confirm that you were the one that came up with that. - Phht
Don't forget: Mass Effect is powered by magic space rocks. Evangelion is powered by Your Mom.
From his new fic Long Night of the Harvest

My current project on FFN, Mystic Knight Online
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