Cycles of Fate Side Story - The Race

This forum is for picking apart tricky issues facing any authors in the community. Word choice, action scenes, dialoguing, or plot development. If something isn't working for you, put it up here and see what your fellow community members can make of it. Try to keep examples short and to the point as much as possible.

Cycles of Fate Side Story - The Race

Unread postby Bezzerker » March 2nd, 2015, 4:20 pm

Hey y'all, I'm trying to actually finish one of my stories (well, technically two stories, going over the same timeline in both to see how a single change affects the whole), and part of what I'm trying is to prewrite the stuff I need so that I'm not just writing by the seat of my pants the entire time.

The setting for these stories is the Ocarina of Time, and this is part of the prewriting I'm doing, which is writing yet another story to help firm up how things are settled in the primary stories I'm writing. The focus of this story is going to be on a different character, one who is often ignored in the normal course of the things.

I will say right now that further snippets beyond this first one will probably be slow going, as the more I'm trying to outline and prewrite, the more stuff I find I should organize things in a different way so I can find what I need.

That said, I hope y'all enjoy the first chapter of The Race.

The Race - Chapter One
Spoiler: show
Running.
They had to run.
It was coming.
No one else saw it.
Only he did.
They had already left.
Those two didn’t have to run.
But they did.
The forest was changing.
The forest was restless.
The forest was no longer their friend.
But no one had seen the change.
Only he did.
He had to get them running.
He had to get them somewhere safe.
At first no one listened.
They were having fun now.
They didn’t want to stop having fun.
But he kept at it.
And eventually, they started running.
The forest didn’t like that.
Things that stayed still were easier prey.
Now, it would have to hunt.
He led them in the direction the other two had gone.
It seemed so easy for those two.
The forest had parted before them.
The forest knew better than to hunt those two.
There was easier prey to hunt.
The forest path was changing.
The trees wouldn’t let them go without a fight.
He hoped that they were ready.
They reached an intersection.
He had to choose.
Quick glimpses of what each path held flashed before him.
That was all he would get.
He made his choice.
He hoped it was the right one.
A vision came.
The vision went left incident.
He had chosen wisely.
The forest howled.
The forest narrowed the path.
It was getting harder to run.
A quick glance backwards.
Everyone was together.
Good, they needed to stay together.
No one would make it if they didn’t.
The forest crept closer.
They were getting tired.
They wanted to stop.
Why were they running anyway?
But he kept them running.
Only he saw the forest’s children out to get them.
They grew resentful of him.
They thought him paranoid.
But they kept running.
They couldn’t go back now.
They didn’t know the way.
He was starting to feel tired.
He kept running regardless.
They were getting closer to a safe place.
The forest path was getting smaller.
The roots of the forest were coming closer.
How long have they been running for?
Minutes? Days? Eternity?
They were slowing down.
They were going stop.
They didn’t care what he said.
The forest grew excited.
But he told them to run.
And they had to run.
Too tired to keep running.
Too lazy to take charge themselves.
He pushed them to go faster.
He could see it.
The safe place.
He pointed out to them.
They were almost there.
Just a little further.
They sped up.
They wanted to rest.
They knew he wouldn’t let them rest until they reached that place.
The forest struck.
The path had been mildly difficult to follow.
Now it was next to impossible.
Roots extended from the trees.
Branches choked the view.
And the eyes that only he had seen,
Became visible to all.
They started to panic.
What was going on?
What had happened?
What did those eyes belong too?
Why were they being chased?
In their panic, they ran blindly.
They were growing scared.
Until they heard his voice.
He had known.
They no longer resented him.
They tried to follow his voice.
He was still with them.
A few were stumbling.
Each misstep brought a vision.
These visions weren’t good ones.
He had to keep them running.
They couldn’t fall now.
The visions were growing more vivid.
Everyone was stumbling.
He was stumbling.
Some would stumble, and no vision came.
Those didn’t need his help.
They would make it to the safe place.
Some would stumble, and quick flashes would appear.
They could make without his help.
But they wouldn’t make it without incident.
But some would stumble, and visions so dire he couldn’t remember them came.
They needed his help.
They wouldn’t make it to the safe place otherwise.
He focused on those.
He tried to see who needed his help the most.
He saw a girl.
She was at the head of a small group.
A vision of her in a clearing.
She was oblivious to her surroundings.
She stumbled.
Yellow eyes were creeping up on her.
He rushed towards the girl.
The forest was hunting her.
It put the biggest roots under her feet.
It put the thickest branches in front of her.
It sent its children after her.
More visions were coming.
Maybe she was picking flowers.
Maybe she was playing in some water.
She was always ignorant of the threat.
He was almost there.
She was very tired.
Those behind her were tired as well.
He was so close.
The eyes crept closer.
He reached out his hand.
She turned around.
She reached out her hand.
She tripped.
She was falling.
Did she feel it when it happened?
Did she even know it happened?
The clearing was empty.
The clearing was silent.
He had to keep her running.
He had to.
He tried to help her up.
She hit the ground.
The forest howled in joy.
The path she had run down had been narrow.
The others behind never had a chance.
They were all falling.
The visions grew longer.
Home.
Everyone was outside.
Everyone was happy.
No one missed the girl.
They would never know what happened to her.
He was frantic.
She was calling for him.
She reached out her hand.
He tried to grab her.
The forest grabbed her first.
She was dragged off the path.
She screamed as she was dragged away.
The screams stopped once in the forest.
The others were being dragged as well.
Everyone had been minding their own business.
They hadn’t done anything to deserve this.
Some would never see the threat beforehand.
Others simply couldn’t comprehend it.
He was fighting to get everyone back.
But he was exhausted.
The forest made its move.
He started to fall.
The visions became short again.
A single misstep.
A single opening missed.
A single bad swing.
A simple case of bad luck.
He could feel the forest dragging him away.
The only thing he could remember from the visions was small, irrelevant details.
A rock.
Some grass.
Those yellow eyes.
He clawed at the ground and the roots.
He didn’t want to be dragged away.
The ground betrayed him and wouldn’t hold his hands.
The roots teased him, staying just barely out of reach.
He was being dragged away.
He didn’t want to go into the forest.
He kept clawing at anything in reach.
He didn’t want to go through that again.
He flipped onto his back.
He could see shapes in the depths of the forest.
He could see the yellow eyes closing in.
Getting closer.
Closer.
CLOSER.
CLOSER.
CLOSER.



“NOOOO!”

The green-clad boy jolted awake in his bed, breathing in ragged pants. In his groggy state could still see those yellow eyes looming large over him.

“It was just a dream,” the boy sighed. He ran his hand through his hair as he slowed his breathing down. He glanced out the window. It is still dark outside, with the only sound being a soft breeze in the trees. The boy shook his head, trying to clear the last remnants of the dream from his mind. Thankfully he would still be able to get a good amount of rest before morning. He settled back in his bed, finding a comfortable position to sleep in.

As he drifted off into sleep the last thoughts he had are of the two people who left at the start of the dream. One of them he recognized as Saria, the green-haired Kokiri he had a crush on. The person who piqued his interest was the other person.

It was a blond haired, fairy-less boy that he had never seen before.

“Wonder who that is…” Mido muttered sleepily.
Unleash the Elements of Order and Chaos!

A Heart Born Of Darkness,
Bound Within A Body Of Light,
Ignited By A Twilight Forged Soul


What's the Canadian policy on heretics?
Gman391: Turn them into Pop sensations, and then inflict them on the American's for their sins.
User avatar
Bezzerker
 
Posts: 270
Joined: December 29th, 2012, 3:43 pm

Re: Cycles of Fate Side Story - The Race

Unread postby Wraith5 » March 2nd, 2015, 6:18 pm

That was interesting. I don't remember them giving Mido much in the way of personality or anything like that... So this, as well as the fact that it took place before Link arrived, was rather cool to read.
"Boss, why is it that you always say 'I've got a plan' like a terrorist says 'I've got a bomb'?" - Garrus Vakarian in Razor's Edge: Requiem (a Mass Effect fan-fic)
"Sometimes I stop to think and forget to start again." - t-shirt
"I don't understand, but I disagree." - my older sister misquoting my younger brother ("I understand, but...")
"Come to the Darkside; We have bacon." - t-shirt
User avatar
Wraith5
 
Posts: 542
Joined: July 31st, 2013, 2:43 pm


Return to “%s” Writer Workshop

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users

cron