RavynousHunter's Fics

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RavynousHunter's Fics

Unread postby RavynousHunter » August 25th, 2015, 11:02 am

As some of you may or may not know, I've got a few irons currently in the fire. I figured here would be as good a place as any to have a container thread for them, as well as to host any Q&A you guys got and maybe put a few sneak peeks up every once in a while. With that out of the way, let's get down to business, shall we?

The Prince Ascendant
My first official fic. It starts off a bit slow, due to me working to find my own particular groove and style, but it picks up after a chapter or two. An AU Dragon Ball Z fic where Vegeta ends up being the one to kill Cell off for good, as well as the second to reach SSJ2. It goes off the canon rails at times, but I do my best to keep it interesting.

The Bardock Effect
What if Bardock had fallen unconscious after his fight with Dodoria and, as a result, wasn't there when Planet Vegeta was destroyed? What if he arrived on Earth shortly after Raditz? Seems to be my most popular fic, likely due to it starting stronger than TPA because I'd already developed my own style. Also, yes, Bardock remains the magnificent bastard he's always been. I'd never change that about him. ;)

The Greater Evil
A Fullmetal Alchemist / Attack on Titan crossover. Cornello, during his confrontation with the Elric brothers, begs his Philosopher's stone to bring something to finish off the brats trying to ruin his plans. What ends up coming to Amestris is horrific beyond imagining. Far darker than my other two, but keeps in the spirit of both stories and occasionally has bits of humour interspersed between the desperate fight against the titans. Occasional black humour is to be expected. I'm having a tonne of fun writing this...I think I might be good at this, lol.

Updates for the stories are going to be a bit...slower than other fics, at least for the next week or two. I recently started my next semester of college, so I'm trying to stabilize my schedule between that and my new job, so things are a bit hectic. Thankfully, writing's turning out to be an excellent stress relief mechanism, for me.
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Re: RavynousHunter's Fics

Unread postby MorphCrossing » August 25th, 2015, 8:59 pm

So far The Greater Evil is interesting and I enjoy the premise however there are a few universe flaws as well as characterization flaws I would bring up.

Universe flaws, The train as far as I saw from Canon never went to Liore. Youswell yes (primarily because it was a town with coal that was a necessity to Amestris'). Handwaving this you can't handwave the presence of an On Board Radio set that could have been used to notify Central well in advance that there was a blinking huge horde of giants crossing the desert.

Phones and other telecommunication devices are also present and Colonel Mustang wouldn't bother asking Hughes about Fuhrer Bradley's status. He would call the office of the Fuhrer himself. Hughes after all was connected with the Military Court and Investigation division. Central Government is structured based on a Military Dictatorship thus there is a Hierarchy that is followed. Also if I'm not mistaken Mustang was at this time working out of the Eastern Headquarters, not Central.

Characterization flaws, Mustang isn't an openly sympathetic person when it comes to his subordinates. He is more of a scheming user on the outside and he keeps his sympathy deeply buried. In most cases he has a caustic relationship with Edward.
Formerly known as MorphCross before the great deletion of 2011. The Creature Lives!
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Re: RavynousHunter's Fics

Unread postby RavynousHunter » August 27th, 2015, 2:10 pm

Perhaps Mustang isn't as openly sympathetic with the likes of Riza and Armstrong because they already know that they have it, since they went thru Ishval together. Besides, Ed is around fifteen when the story starts. Having what amounts to a child being exposed to something that drives a lot of seasoned soldiers to suicide would tug at anyone's heartstrings. Mustang's a plotter, definitely, but he's not a monster. The train thing was an honest-to-goodness oversight. As for a prospective radio board in Liore (which is what I'm assuming you're talking about), I doubt Liore has that high of a military presence. One, I really doubt Cornello, basically the town's messiah, would approve of having the government that he's trying to overthrow being almost literally at his doorstep. Two, the only thing past Liore is the Xerxes desert so its a low-risk target. The only thing past the desert, that we know of, is Xing, and there's very little contact between Amestris and Xing, with enough space between them to make an invasion from the east unlikely at best. Therefore, there'd be little to no military oversight, likely with the exception of a local police force to maintain law and order.

Hughes was already there, so it was simply more convenient for Mustang to ask him if he knew if the Fuhrer was available. Asking would, at best, only take an extra minute or two, so there was little point in calling first when he could simply ask someone who was in the room who might have the info. Mustang being in Central was another honest mistake. Its been a while since I've seen the early parts of FMA.

Finally, the on-board radio on the train. A phone would've been more likely. The phone line, though I didn't mention it (again, an honest oversight), was destroyed during the titan attack's early phases. Liore, being a border town, doesn't have that much in the way of infrastructure redundancy. Besides which, many titans are tall enough to be clotheslined by things like power and phone lines. Being as brainless as they are, this would mean that they'd end up walking straight through them in search of more prey. Titans would wreck the modern world's infrastructure before we'd get things like jets and bombers to take them down. Pre-WWI infrastructure? They'd be utterly devastating.
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Re: RavynousHunter's Fics

Unread postby Tempest Kitsune » August 28th, 2015, 8:51 pm

Honestly man, The Bardock Effect kind of falls flat. You took things too fast, covering vast swatches of time n single chapters; and kind of severely undercutting Goku especially on Namek. There's just not a lot of development of the characters, and the near-instant acceptance of all the various reformed villains really stresses suspension of disbelief. And while you're kind of showing us some of the ripples, the fact of the matter is that there's simply not enough slice of life going on to make us invested in these characters. That's what sets really good DBZ fics apart imo, the fact that we get to see life between the major fights, for more than just a minor glimpse.
"Doesn't matter what the press says. Doesn't matter what the politicians or the mobs say. Doesn't matter if the whole country decides that something wrong is something right. This nation was founded on one principle above all else: the requirement that we stand up for what we believe, no matter the odds or the consequences. When the mob and the press and the whole world tell you to move, your job is to plant yourself like a tree beside the river of truth, and tell the whole world — "No, you move."
— Captain America

Naruto RP Character - Takuma Itsuki, Special Jounin
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Re: RavynousHunter's Fics

Unread postby RavynousHunter » August 31st, 2015, 3:52 pm

@Tempest Kitsune:
Hm...I could actually do that with the chapter I'm currently writing. Get more into the habit and all that. I just worry about it dragging on too long and making things boring. Like many things, just gotta find the right balance.

Also! As of a few hours ago, Chapter Four of The Greater Evil is up! The long-awaited meeting between the Survey Corps and Mustang's coterie is upon us! Hange Zoe proves to be completely nuts, Eren and Ed exchange meaningful dialogue, and a Survey Corps mission to titan-plagued Amestris is underway!

[ETA]

Thinking on it, I do have a response for you, Tempest, regarding my undercutting Goku during the Namek saga. Canon Goku had a lot of things going for him after he was resurrected. Namely, the Kaioken. In canon, this move proved indispensable during his fight with Vegeta, his training with King Kai being pretty much the only reason he was able to eke out a victory against an opponent that vastly outclassed him in terms of raw power. TBE's Goku didn't have this advantage: he never died trying to defeat Raditz, so he never went to King Kai's planet and never learned the Kaioken. His power is gained solely thru his training with Bardock and Raditz when preparing for Vegeta, and with Bardock and Gohan during the trip to Namek. Bardock knows things about Saiyan physiology, namely the Zenkai boost, which he was able to exploit thanks to a mixture of gravity training and senzu beans during said trip to Namek, thus allowing Goku to catch up rather quickly. While Goku has proven to be extremely receptive when it comes to Zankai boosts (he goes from 180,000 to being just under final form Frieza in one go), he doesn't have the power multiplier that is the Kaioken, which was kind of his signature move before Super Saiyan became a thing. Goku is pretty much totally caught up (minus Super Saiyan) by the time Cold arrives, and I've plans to help him further bridge the gap between him and his father during the three year intermission before 19 and 20 show up. Finally, the fic is about Bardock, not Goku. Bardock's going to be doing a little limelight stealing from his son, since he's the main focus of the fic. I will, however, work on stretching things out more. Again, I just don't want to end up with...well...Inu Yasha levels of padding, know what I'm sayin?
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