Crowning Moments of Funny in Nightmares of Futures Past

[bibliophile20]

Alright, time to shift gears a bit: Crowning Moments of Funny in Nightmares of Futures Past.

Go.

:D

[oloros]

the twins: "WE ARE NOT WORTHY!"

[bibliophile20]

the twins: "WE ARE NOT WORTHY!"

No, no, more like this: Fred&George Sirius Lupin

And Molly...


My personal favorites are Harry's forays into Deadpan Snarker mode, such as his inner dialogue when Neville offers a sacrifice to the gods of the spit-take.

[Psystorm]

I like the Deadpan Snarker moments as well, one of my favourites is from Chapter 25, after the dream recounting Future Hermione's death:

They made it back to the castle without incident, for which Harry was grateful. He was still a bit unsettled from the journey, and he didn’t trust himself to hold back if provoked. Filch would be annoyed if there were bones imbedded in the walls.

The juxtaposition of the heart-wrenchingness of the dream and Harry's (completely understandable) anger after he wakes up with the humour of the inner statement had me stifling laughter when I first read it at like two in the morning, having not been able to shut the computer down and go to sleep because I wanted to see what would happen next.

[Puck]

I've always found this bit to be a bit funny, it's from the 'Doing the Mungo Shuffle' chapter. I don't if I missed something in the chapter, but shouldn't

Spoiler: show

Fred be rubbing his shin, not George?

I've bolded the areas that I find funny.

“What are you talking about? Harry would do no such thing! Would you, Harry?” Mrs. Weasley turned an outraged expression toward Harry, who felt a sudden urge to sink into the bed. Mrs. Weasley raised an eyebrow at Harry as the silence wore on. She didn’t even notice Ginny kicking Fred in the shin, making him hop about on one foot.

“Well, it’s a long story, Mrs. Weasley,” Harry said apologetically. “Hagrid had this dragon egg he won in a card game, and when it got too big for him we helped some friends of Charlie’s transport Norbert down to the preserve in Romania.”

Mrs. Weasley’s eyes had gone wide. “Harry, that’s illegal! Do you know how much trouble you could have got into?” She rounded on Ron. “I suppose you were helping him, weren’t you? Tell me the truth, Ronald Bilius Weasley, or so help me…” She didn’t notice Ginny get George, either.

“No, I didn’t,” Ron said disgustedly. “Stupid thing bit my hand so Neville had to help with the crate.” He paled as his mother looked even angrier. “Mum, we had to! Hagrid is Harry’s friend. Besides,” he added innocently, “didn’t Hagrid help when you and dad were almost caught at the Astronomy Tower?”

Molly Weasley stopped dead in her tracks, mouth open in mid-tirade. Her face went from pale with anger to red as a tomato in seconds. “Yes, I see. Well, don’t let it happen again. Alright Harry? Ron?” she said tonelessly.

Harry and Ron looked at each other and nodded vigorously.

“Good,” Mrs. Weasley said. “Now that’s settled, I’ll go see the healer about when you can come home, Harry.” She smiled faintly and left the room.

“Oi! Ginny—“George said the instant the door shut. He was still rubbing his shin.

“What the bloody hell—“Fred continued, tapping his leg with his fingertips and frowning.

Another favorite line is, "Deeds, not words, you uninspired bookends!"

[Comosicus]

Mrs. Weasley’s eyes had gone wide. “Harry, that’s illegal! Do you know how much trouble you could have got into?” She rounded on Ron. “I suppose you were helping him, weren’t you? Tell me the truth, Ronald Bilius Weasley, or so help me…” She didn’t notice Ginny get George, either.

You missed that line. :D

[Ironwolf]

Sympathetic pain between identical twins maybe?

[Puck]

Mrs. Weasley’s eyes had gone wide. “Harry, that’s illegal! Do you know how much trouble you could have got into?” She rounded on Ron. “I suppose you were helping him, weren’t you? Tell me the truth, Ronald Bilius Weasley, or so help me…” She didn’t notice Ginny get George, either.

You missed that line. :D

I guess I did. Thanks, Comosicus.

[Mantis]

I got a good laugh from this line in Chapter 10 (just before things went spectacularly wrong for Harry):

"Harry Potter is always in danger at Hogwarts. Harry Potter is in mortal danger everywhere he bloody goes.”

Of course, in this case it turned out to be especially true of Number Four, Privet Drive.

Then there's this, a couple of chapters later:

“Your Mum’s right. I don’t want anyone getting revenge on my relatives… unless I’m personally involved in the planning and execution.”

And let's not forget Harry's friends' reaction to the shade of Tom Riddle:

“This ponce is Voldemort?” Ron asked incredulously.

“This is a memory of him when he was Head Boy,” Harry corrected, watching the spectre’s edges become blurry as it struggled to control itself. He decided to twist the knife a bit further. “At least he’s somewhat presentable. Later, he looked like something that escaped from one of Snape’s preserving jars.”

“That’s pretty bad, Harry,” Neville said with a shudder.

“Don’t blame Harry,” Luna added, patting Neville’s shoulder comfortingly. “It’s not his fault this silly boy wanted his outsides to look like his insides.”

Best of all, though, there's the twins' description of Lucius Malfoy:

“The one dressed like a French pornographer?” Fred asked innocently. Harry was rather happy not to hear that word again, but several adults turned gimlet stares at the twins.

“Looks like Lee was right,” George observed. “He must, or they wouldn’t all be so mad at you for saying.”

As I observed when I reviewed that chapter, I was reading it in a public library and I just about burst a blood vessel suppressing the guffaw so I wouldn't be thrown out on my ear.

The only thing I can remember in canon that ever made me laugh that hard was Ron envisioning making Goyle do lines: "I... must... not... look... like... a... baboon's... backside." And that was probably only so funny because I was reading it aloud to my wife at the time.

[Lilcross]

I liked it when Ginny pwned Percy by putting the potion in his underwear. :D

[WarriorDrgnMage]

“I think everything is all right now, Professor,” Harry said, hoping to distract her before Neville said anything else.

“Is that so, Mr. Potter?” she asked, turning toward Harry.

Harry tried to give her his most innocent smile as he assured her that everything was under control… really, he did. His smile was absolutely nothing like the evil grin he’d given Neville earlier.

So why did Professor McGonagall suddenly go pale and step back like she’d seen a ghost?

I know this isn't likely to be funny to everyone but I found it supremely amusing...

“I do not whine!” Sirius exclaimed in a wounded tone.

“If you were any more disappointed that Bill didn’t freak out, you’d be crying your eyes out,” Harry said, rolling his own eyes.

“I wasn’t that bad.”

Harry just looked at Sirius, slowly raising one eyebrow.

“Oh, damn!” Sirius spat. “You got Lily’s eyebrow!”

“What?” Harry snapped.

“That was damn scary,” Sirius said, clutching his chest. “Your mum had this way of looking at us when she was annoyed or thought we were being stupid. James tried to copy that when he became Head Boy, but he could never quite pull it off. She could shut us down faster than McGonagall.”

Harry burst out laughing.

I found this supremely funny as well.

[coronal]

I like that first one too. I don't think it's so much funny as a wonderfully oblique reference to James, which kinda puts it close to the CMOA instead of CMOF, imho

[Brilchan]

From the newest chapter

Harry was wondering how many ‘accidental deaths’ he could manage before Dumbledore caught on.

I loled so hard on this

[Stormseed]

I enjoyed Luna creating a platypus.

[unknown8928]

While I've laughed my ass off many times reading this story.... this particular passage has stuck the best.


“Once I get my strength back,” Sirius promised, “I think I’m going to do a bit of travelling. While I can’t compete with your on-going prank, I think that nicking Voldemort’s Horcruxes and destroying them would qualify as my personal best.” His face lit up in an evil grin. “Can you imagine his surprise next time you nail him and he finds out his life insurance has lapsed?”

Harry couldn’t help but smile as years seemed to melt away from his godfather’s face. “I’m looking forward to it,” he said, “but you better be careful, or else.”

“Or else what?” Sirius demanded impudently.

Harry frowned thoughtfully for a moment. “Or else I’ll have you buried in a dress. I’m sure Mrs. Weasley has a nice frock I can borrow. Pink sound good?”

The look of horror on Sirius Black’s face was priceless. Then he laughed out loud. “All right, Harry, I’ll be careful. Don’t want to know what James would say if I showed up in the afterlife wearing a dress.”

[Dechstreme]

I'll have to second the eyebrow one. and a special mention to the Platypus incident.

[Raniean]

Well, this is as good a way as any to hop into the forums. I feel like I'm resurrecting a dead horse of a thread though .

Harry found himself grinding his teeth. If they give me to the Malfoys I'll just have to Avada Kedavra them on the spot and tell Madam Bones to pick again.

Priceless.