I only found Nightmares of Futures Past recently, and I see it has been in the works for seven (7!) years, so I guess I'll have to get used to the story coming slowly now that I've caught up. I have really been enjoying it, and one of the things that I find particularly impressive is that when the story revisits scenes from a different character's perspective, I always find that the revisit adds useful information and character development, which in too many authors' writing isn't the case.
I had one concern about the timeline of the "other" Harry's war. I may be misremembering something, so let me know if that's the case, but I thought I remembered that alternate Ron had died about a year before the end of the war. We saw a memory of Harry, alone, being ambushed by a parcel of Death Eaters within the ruins of Hogwarts, and I thought it was said then that his invisibility cloak had been lost years ago. Yet when Harry is describing Ron's courageous death to Ginny, the cloak is definitely on the scene. Now this is only wrong if I am remembering all three facts right: first, the cloak was lost for years before the end of the war; second, Ron died approximately a year before the end of the war; third, the cloak was not lost before Ron died. Thoughts? Have I got any of the three wrong?
EDIT: I found the references for this, and while there is a contradiction, it doesn't look too difficult to resolve. The one-year figure is given multiple places, including chapter one, and appears intentional, but the other two are relatively minor references and either one could be changed depending on the actual intended timeline.
In chapter 23:
But through the course of the battle, Harry lost count of the number of times he'd Disapparated. He never stayed in place after a kill, knowing he couldn't afford a single mistake. Besides, he usually made little or no sound when Apparating and the screaming usually was enough to cover it. His invisibility cloak had been lost years ago, but frequently reapplied Disillusionment charms served almost as well that day.
In chapter 28:
Harry took another deep breath. His arms weren't shaking anymore and he was sitting very still. "I tried to stand up. I really did. But my leg wouldn't take any weight. That was when Ron petrified me. He slid me under a broken table and pulled my cloak out of the backpack. When he spread it over me, the only thing he said was 'I'm keeping my promise to Hermione.' Then he used a charm I'd never seen before… I think Hermione worked it out at some point. All I knew is that suddenly he looked like me. Then he said goodbye."
Also...
I don't know how much active editing is going on with already published chapters, but I made a point of noting typographical errors mostly because there really weren't that many to note, and because the work seemed good enough to take the time to make a report in case they could be fixed. So, here are my notes, edits are in blue:
Further edits are in this reddish color. Honestly, I'm really surprised that I was able to edit this post more than a month later, but I reread and have a few more notes. It's February now, so I don't think I'll be updating this post any further.
Chapter 1
* After they quadruple-checking his calculations,
* "You aren't as enfeebled as I though," Voldemort sneered. (Voldemort was not trying to say that he himself was enfeebled.)
* "I think you should rest," the headmaster suggested, "thinks will look better when you've had some time…
* Theoretically, Johanssen's Principle of Conjoining would apply, and the spirit would be reabsorbed into the body, similar to a Muggle who nearly passes away and reports and out of body experience.
* Harry would have like to have gone a little farther back,
Chapter 2
* He couldn't very well said to eleven year old Ron and Hermione,
* "Did may parents leave anything beside money?
* What she told him about the aftermath of her time in Chamber of Secrets also haunted him. ("the" before "Chamber of Secrets" is necessary even in British English, according to my googling)
Chapter 5
* "But I didn'tdie, Neville," (This one was just a lack of space between words)
* The first time the Snitch appeared, the Slytherin chaser was a lot closer than Harry. He leaned forward into a steep dive, but dumb luck was favouring Higgs. (Definitely meant to say "seeker".)
* Harry had the opportunity to hear a few stories about his parents over the years, but he was still laughing by the time Hagrid finished The story he told was about how second year Lily Evans, enraged by one prank too many, hexed James Potter so hard that every single hair fell out of his head, including his eyebrows and eyelashes. (Just a missing period.)
Chapter 6
* "Blaise' nose wouldn't stop bleeding
* It was slower going that usual because they were also concerned with another issue.
* It wasn't so much that he was being thick as that he couldn't wrap his head around the fact that people like the Dursley's existed.
Chapter 7
* In a thrice, Quirrell was picked up and hurled bodily into the wall, bleeding from multiple bites on his arms and torso. (I'm pretty sure this is a typo, since "trice" was used correctly elsewhere in the story.)
* Harry didn't even object when Ron and Neville made a point of making sure they had their wands ready for the match, and grinned while they practiced the 'swish and flick' motion for Wingardium Leviosa as they walked out to the pitchHarry accepted the teasing with a grin. (Missing a period and a space.)
Chapter 9
* Molly wouldn't have minded a bit of help making the Weasley jumpers this year, bit it soon became clear that her daughter had neither the patience nor the skill needed.
Chapter 10
* He could not chance Dobby getting triggering a warning from the Ministry.
* "I do, however, appreciate what you were trying to do. If I can find a way to get you away from the Malfoy's, I will." (This would be correct if Dobby were bound to the Malfoy residence, but he's made it clear that he isn't.)
Chapter 11
* "Been beaten half to death, the ways the boys described it,"
* Soon they were seating and Arthur shook his head at the offered lemon drop.
Chapter 12
* Harry looked up at the healer and quirked an eyebrow. "I'd rather have a lot of stories no one believes. He rolled his eyes upward to indicate the infamous lightning-shaped scar on his forehead." (Misplaced end quote)
* "I supposed I have been winding you up a bit, haven't I?" (Apart from the problem with the verb tense, I'd like to note that I don't see where in the conversation the healer was "winding up" Harry.)
* Have you been exposed to any usual magical… energies…" (unusual)
* Mrs. Weasley's face went pale all of the sudden and Harry felt ashamed. (All of a sudden)
* She regretted for a moment her decision not to read any of her daughters' correspondence. (daughter's)
Chapter 13
* Looking back, Harry would wonder always wonder...
Chapter 14
* Ginny gave Harry a questioning looked,
* I won't waste anymore of your valuable time. ("Any more" in this situation is two words.)
* I already explained to Percy that I thought stay mean "stay on the Alley and don't come back to The Burrow".
* I am currently staying with the Weasley's (don't want the apostrophe)
* Deep down, he also didn't want to buy clothes that were noticeably newer or fancier than the Weasleys. (do want the apostrophe)
Chapter 15
* They should be here after some time after the hearing is settled.
Chapter 16
* At half past nine, Arthur Floored back from the Ministry. (flooed)
Chapter 17
* Harry went on an on about how (and)
Chapter 18
* "We ought to apply for Trelawney post-" Fred sighed.
Chapter 19
* Harry wondered if the headmaster knew what an awful fraud he'd hired, or if he just didn't have any other options. (These don't appear to be alternatives but more of an "If A then B" situation. Maybe swap "or if" for "and"?)
Chapter 20
* Of course, it wouldn't be too unusual for someone who survived the killing curse to suffer long term effects. (This isn't really a typographical issue, but the word "unusual" seems inappropriate since Dumbledore is judging Harry based on what's "usual" for the rest of the sample set of absolutely no one other than Harry. Maybe "unexpected" or "surprising" instead?)
* "I have no doubt that they are, or at least that young Harry was some hidden agenda. … (has)
* Hermione muffled a sigh, but McGonagall's lips just got the tiniest but thinner.
* He jammed the diary down into the hot coals but it still refused the catch.
Chapter 21
* OIiver (Depending on your font, a capital I as in Ice can look exactly like a lower-case l as in Lava. In the default font that fanfiction.net uses, they look nothing alike, and Oliver's name looks quite odd.)
Chapter 23
* "I suppose you still want to make peace with perfect prefect Percy?" Fred asked, a trifle sourly. … "Yes, I am." (For the question that was posed, "Yes, I do" would work.)
Chapter 24
* Merry Christmas too you both.
* Sirius listened to him castigate himself for manipulating everyone around him, the told him he was being too hard on himself.
* "Have you ever known Hermione needing to learn the same lesion twice?" (he he)
* But the old man had his reasons for sending Snape instead, and he paid for it was well.
* Ron is losing his mind trying to figure our how you pulled it off.
* I wasn't concerned at first, but then I realized that they weren't feeding me anymore./"They were starving you, weren't they?" (This isn't remotely a typographical issue, but in this conversation Sirius explains that he was forced to risk breaking out of prison because they had stopped feeding him. Later in the same conversation, Harry gets a suspicious feeling and asks Sirius whether they had been starving him. If this isn't an inconsistency, then it's at least pretty unclear.)
* Harry hung his jacket up in the hallway and let Mrs. Weasley drag back to the table for some hot chocolate. (drag him back)
* When know one was looking, Harry slipped a dry sandwich into his pocket for later.
* Lilly hardly ever let me around you when I was a dog. (Lily)
* That way everyone would go spare over the next thirty days wondering what we're up to.In a way, you'd be pranking the whole school. (just a space)
* "That's hardly likely," Harry said, "unless he'd travelled as far away as America." (This may be completely intentional, but with "he'd" instead of "he's", Harry is stating that he knows Sirius has not gone to America. This could be Harry attempting to be subtle or making a slip, in which case please ignore me.)
Chapter 25
* the first weekend in FebruaryDraco Malfoy showed up (another lost space)
* people just wanted to us me as an enforcer.
* not that he'd mind something like that blossoming,. but not for a number of years. (extra punctuation)
* And Melissa was only a couple of second behind them.
Chapter 26
"Professor Flitwick showed me a water-repelling charm," Hermione said. "We're going to cast it on a couple of sheets and see if it will keep us dry."
(This appears to be the second time Hermione learned this charm. From chapter 21: October brought damp and chilly weather, forcing them to bundle up for their morning exercises. Hermione found a water-repelling charm in the library that made her extremely popular with her classmates. / Harry was especially grateful for her discovery as he returned from Quidditch practice the first weekend of the month.)
Chapter 27
* "I though you said he died?"
* "It's not on any of the maps I've seen of Hogwarts Maybe whatever you are using couldn't reach down there?" (period)
Chapter 28
* one who graduated before youreturned to Hogwarts,"
* He'd been hoping to discover some of the unknown Junior Death Eaters, perhaps even the one that had petrified him. (Petrified? Harry was stunned, cracked his skull and was left in a coma. No one was petrified. Maybe in a draft? "Petrify" could refer to a petrificus spell rather than the more literal basilisk's petrification, but I don't think that happened either.) Okay, nevermind. I get that Harry thinks there was a second shooter. I don't like it much, since he wouldn't have been aware of any spells affecting him after the stunner, and even if it was before the stunner they would have had to be hiding in a good location where Harry and probably Draco wouldn't see them, casting quietly enough not to be heard by either one too. I'm not sure what the body bind would do to the actual probability of falling down the stairs - it seems pretty high either way. I wonder whether an inflexible person falling down stairs would be less likely to break their neck because the head won't twist?
* He's oneand one - he got rid of Grindelwald, and then dropped the Quaffle with Voldemort,
* We'd chased down a rumour on where he and his little toadies were holed up, based on intelligence from a Death-Eater the American's captured.
* just because some of us have more emotional depth that a teaspoon is no reason to become sarcastic.
* "Harry is far too.,." Dumbledore began, (One of the dots in your ellipsis is a comma.)
* I know when he died though… that's when the Petrificatus Totalus wore off. ("Petrificatus" is in bold, so it may be intended to emphasize the fact that it doesn't say "Petrificus", but I've never heard of "Petrificatus".)
* With the extra training, his friends should do well, but "the proof was in the pudding" as Mrs. Weasley like to say.
Chapter 29
* "Was his first thought to send me to the Diggory's or back to the Dursleys?"
* The blond girl whispered something in his ear before she let got and quickly stepped back.
Chapter 32
* while the Gryffindors acknowledged him as a former alumnus. (There's nothing "former" about Lupin's status as an alum.)
Chapter 36
* Harry was looking forwards to the end of term and going home for Christmas.
I double-checked that this was an error and not just a personal preference on my part. It's often a question of personal style whether to use "forward" or "forwards", but not apparently in this situation, where the phrase "looking forward to" is pretty set. Check out my reference.
* his friends instantly adopted the tight formation they normally used in chaotic crowds such as at Kings Crossing.
* The ride to Kings Crossing was blessedly uneventful – much to Harry's relief. (I know very little about how to properly reference British train stations, but there was a mention in an author's note of correcting "Kings Crossing" references by changing them to "Kings Cross", which agrees with how I've heard it. So if "Crossing" is wrong, it might be a good idea to change these two as well.)
Chapter 39
* the drama began far too early for Harry's tastes;specifically, when Ron refused to leave the dormitory for breakfast
* I mean, I don't think you'd ever stop expecting any of us to work hard. In you class.