The 'Pimp your fics' Thread

Re: The 'Pimp your fics' Thread

Unread postby QuoteMyFoot » November 7th, 2010, 3:18 pm

I have a new oneshot for the first time since forever!

Like A Shadow: Death follows shinobi like a shadow, haunting some more than others, but haunting all the same. And they all have their ways of coping. Oneshot.

It's another character study-type thing like 'Underneath the Underneath'... or at least it was, I sort of completely veered away from that as I was finishing it... D:

Criticism would be appreciated, I haven't written in Naruto-fandom for a while.
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Re: The 'Pimp your fics' Thread

Unread postby Aldraia Dragonsong » November 7th, 2010, 8:38 pm

Hmm... it was pretty good. I liked it overall, except for the part about Naruto.
The idea that Naruto's first kill would be in fox-rage is reasonable. But somehow, having it be during the Wave mission feels wrong.
I am finding it hard to articulate what I disliked about that part. It simply rang false with me.
But the rest was excellent. I came close to tears a few times. Well done, as usual.
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Re: The 'Pimp your fics' Thread

Unread postby QuoteMyFoot » November 7th, 2010, 8:45 pm

Thank you for the compliment! It's especially good to know that what I write can affect people so heavily. If you don't mind me asking, which parts were these?

Thank you for the comment about Naruto's section, as well. It was the last one I wrote and I wasn't sure about it either. I may change that in future.
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Re: The 'Pimp your fics' Thread

Unread postby Aldraia Dragonsong » November 7th, 2010, 11:00 pm

:faill: All right, going over it again, here is a more detailed/in-depth critique.
Hinata's portion was a good way to start the fic, being gentler than the others and thus helping the reader get used to the fic's premise and structure before the real whammies start.
Choji's part was fine, nothing spectacular but a good, solid piece of writing that fits well with his character.
Tenten's ends a bit weakly, but is again fine.
Neji's part was good, again fitting well with his character and helping to emphasize that pre-exam Neji was more a good person with issues than a bad person who could be redeemed.
Shikamaru's part was interesting, a bit more of a stretch than previous sections but well-written enough to be convincing.
I said before how I feel about Naruto's section, and unfortunately rereading brings me no closer to explaining why.
Shino's section was very good, another piece that seems to fit very well with the character but at the same time going further into the character, if that makes sense. That was the first one that nearly made me cry.
Sakura's piece made so much sense.
Sasuke's part was good, and like Neji helped to make him seem less like a bad guy and more like someone whose intentions are fine but whose major issues are ruining their execution.
Kiba's section was excellent. This was the second one to bring me close to tears, and oddly enough it was the bit about how Shino talked and did not stop talking even though he normally hates unnecessary noise that really impacted me.
Ino's piece was another good one. I found the amount of swearing actually detracted from the impact, as the words distracted from the meaning behind the sentences, but that might be a personal quirk. The way it indirectly pointed out that Iwa ninja are just as human as Konoha ninja was, to me, the most emotional. This was the third section where I almost cried.
And Lee's section was simply brilliant. Writing the "springtime of youth" without mocking it or exaggerating it to parodic levels is very difficult for many fanfic writers, and you managed. This was the part that brought me closest to crying.

There you are. On a random note, one-third of the Konoha Twelve have names starting with S. If you discount Sasuke but replace him with Sai it still counts. This strikes me as odd. How did I only now notice this?
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Re: The 'Pimp your fics' Thread

Unread postby QuoteMyFoot » November 8th, 2010, 12:04 pm

Thank you SO MUCH for your input! It's really, really wonderful to hear where I've done things particularly right/wrong/average. <3 I'll see if I can get round to doing a bit of improving when November is over.
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Re: The 'Pimp your fics' Thread

Unread postby Nicodemus » November 8th, 2010, 7:30 pm

Just finished reading it. I liked it a lot, actually, and it deserves more reviews in my opinion. I'll be following it. :3
Awesome! More attention is always good.
I added it to my C2. (which no one follows, but it's the thought that counts, right?)

Liked how Sasuke was thoughtful, and Sakura not useless.
Well since one of my concerns was keeping Sasuke IC that's good news. And yeah, one of my goals setting out was really to help the girls get on the same level as the guys without giving them stupid powerups.
Just got done reading part I of the Chunin Exam, and this is getting favorited. :animlol:
Ah, the first test? I loved that chapter.
Just read the above story, and it is good. I am normally very leery of OC's as the focus, but Quotes endorsement pushed me into reading it andI am glad I did. Definitely on the alert list, and probably favorites in a couple chapters.
Well by now it's official - posting it in this thread was the best thing I ever did for my story. Glad I can change someone's mind about OCs, they're hated so much in fanfiction circles (not without cause of course)
Indeed the OC is quite likeable and the general theme appeals to me. However some more 'in-depth-ness' would be in order. I see that with all Konoha 12 it's hard to focus properly on each of them.
Yeah, that's been bugging me recently. I do have an arc planned in between the second and third tests that should help with this issue though.
Interesting so far, although I tend to agree with Greybane on OC's this story is going well on that front. Actually got me to log into FF.net and made my alert list. Looking forward to the continuation of the story.
Well I'm really glad everyone likes it. Thanks for reading!
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Re: The 'Pimp your fics' Thread

Unread postby gamebrain89 » November 27th, 2010, 12:40 am

Ok guys, I finally got up the nerve to post the prologue to my first attempt at writing a fic. Big thanks to Gman391 for helping me hash out some important details, as well as to Bookworm702. Both helped me alot by agreeing to beta read for me.
Kitsune's Child

I'm interested to see what you think, hopefully it isn't too bad. Not sure on the title though, but its the best I could think of.
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Re: The 'Pimp your fics' Thread

Unread postby QuoteMyFoot » March 3rd, 2011, 3:05 pm

Two new Naruto oneshots. I'm much more pleased with one than I am the other, but you should be able to work out which.

Smiles: "Ichiraku's wasn't always Naruto's sanctuary. Teuchi the owner didn't always like him. But, sometimes, it is easier to see the good in people than it is the bad. Oneshot, origins of the Ichiraku/Naruto friendship."

Lines Drawn In Blood: "Kekkei genkai aren't the only things the ninja of Konoha can inherit. Because we are more than the sum of our parts - there are others' in us, too. Oneshot."
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Re: The 'Pimp your fics' Thread

Unread postby Aldraia Dragonsong » March 3rd, 2011, 5:33 pm

Z-d'awww. I loved Smiles.
The closure in Lines Drawn In Blood seems unnecessary -why not just end it at "But who knows where he got such good judgment from?" I like it, but not as much.
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Re: The 'Pimp your fics' Thread

Unread postby TraceReading » March 23rd, 2011, 12:17 pm

Okay, I'll bite. Since FF.net's not letting me update...

The Untitled Naruto Story
Don't hurt me ._.
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Re: The 'Pimp your fics' Thread

Unread postby tjchaos » March 31st, 2011, 11:57 pm

Although not really happy with this one, just posted the third and final of my 'Uzumaki Tears' stories. Shortest of the three. I've been fiddling with this one for at least a year after Kishimoto revealed the story of Naruto's birth and most of what I wrote no longer fit. Well hopefully I'll be able to work on my other stuff now that this is no longer in the pipeline.

Uzumaki Tears: Mothers Day
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Re: The 'Pimp your fics' Thread

Unread postby EmmyKay » April 6th, 2011, 1:02 pm

Hey there. I just posted the first chapter of my new fic, Tsutsudori.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6876773/1/Tsutsudori

It's a Naruto AU set in Warring States period Japan. There's some Naru/Hina, but I'm mostly plot oriented here, so hopefully, it'll work for the gen-fic readers as well.

I'd be greally grateful to hear how it works for you - if anyone has the time.

Thanks.
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Re: The 'Pimp your fics' Thread

Unread postby TraceReading » April 7th, 2011, 3:26 am

Got one more to share, while I'm also working on TUNS and other things, this is a side project that exploded out of a plot bunny like a xenomorph larva from a colonist.

The Fox and the Hound
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Re: The 'Pimp your fics' Thread

Unread postby emmy_k » May 3rd, 2011, 10:57 pm

Got one more to share, while I'm also working on TUNS and other things, this is a side project that exploded out of a plot bunny like a xenomorph larva from a colonist.

The Fox and the Hound
I liked this much more than TUNS, which I'm going to have to admit, I didn't get past the first 3 chapters. TFATH seemed fresher - more energetic. I have some quibbles about how it goes, but I do have to admit I like the idea of a girl Naruto, while finding the idea simultaneously very weird. At any rate, it makes the Sasuke relationship work much better.

Nit-picky Question: if the mention of Tsunade (okay, Senju Naruto) in chapter 3 was inadvertent (as you admit in your A/N), why did you include it? (I haven't read Senju Naruto so I don't get it, and it threw me off a bit trying to figure out the timeline for it.)
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Re: The 'Pimp your fics' Thread

Unread postby TraceReading » May 4th, 2011, 2:28 am

I didn't realize it was a reference until I'd already written it and didn't start reading Senju Naruto until halfway through writing that chapter...

So I decided not to trim it out.

As for TUNS, yeah, I'm probably going to abandon and/or rewrite it following chapter 16, if I even get as far as finishing that. It is what it is, a means of acclimating myself to the writing process. If I do leave it off there I plan on putting up a synopsis of what I'd meant to do plot-wise before the "It's 4 AM and I can't sleep until I write this shit" bug took over. :doh
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Re: The 'Pimp your fics' Thread

Unread postby Tempest Kitsune » May 11th, 2011, 11:10 am

Okay, trying to drum up some reviews and readership for a fic the MrRigger and I have been collaborating on.

Uknown Elements
Three kids, an Air Bison, a lemur, and one displaced Trainer missing most of his team. Standing against them, the entire Fire Nation's military might. Some things a Pokemon journey just CAN'T prepare you for. Co-Authored by MrRigger
Crossover - Pokémon & Avatar: Last Airbender - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,461 - Published: 5-8-11
"Doesn't matter what the press says. Doesn't matter what the politicians or the mobs say. Doesn't matter if the whole country decides that something wrong is something right. This nation was founded on one principle above all else: the requirement that we stand up for what we believe, no matter the odds or the consequences. When the mob and the press and the whole world tell you to move, your job is to plant yourself like a tree beside the river of truth, and tell the whole world — "No, you move."
— Captain America

Naruto RP Character - Takuma Itsuki, Special Jounin
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Re: The 'Pimp your fics' Thread

Unread postby tjchaos » May 12th, 2011, 8:27 pm

Not much of a Pokemon fan but definitely an interesting first chapter. Just tossed it on my alert list and looking forward to reading more.
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Re: The 'Pimp your fics' Thread

Unread postby emmy_k » May 13th, 2011, 9:55 pm

So, I'm approaching the end of my first long(er) fic. I'd appreciate it y'all could have a gander and let me know what you think.

Tsutsudori http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6876773/1/Tsutsudori
A dream of a bird and a snake. A journey that uncovers great secrets of the powerful Hyuuga clan. AU Feudal-era Japan. Inspired by 6th closing of Shippuden. Naruto/Hinata. Sasuke, Sakura.
Naruto - Fiction Rated: T - English - General/Romance - Chapters: 5 - Words: 34745 - Reviews: 30 - Updated: 5-13-11 - Published: 4-4-11

And because I come bearing all sorts of bribery, a one-shot.

Waves http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6966598/1/Waves
There is always give and take in a new relationship. Naruto/Hinata.
Naruto - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 547 - Reviews: 9 - Published: 5-5-11 - Hinata H. & Naruto U. - Complete
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Re: The 'Pimp your fics' Thread

Unread postby TraceReading » May 31st, 2011, 1:36 am

TUNS is dead. Long live the TUNS.

Sōshin Rensa is going to replace it.

I'm not deleting TUNS; I'm leaving it up as a reminder. Besides, it's not like nobody here has ever started a game, left it alone and totally forgot what they were doing so started over, right?
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Re: The 'Pimp your fics' Thread

Unread postby emmy_k » June 8th, 2011, 2:23 pm

New oneshot:

Like a Bird http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6994918/1/Like_a_Bird (Not a pairing fic, not really.)
His most lasting image of her. Neji, Tenten.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 574 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 5-15-11 - Neji H. & Tenten - Complete

Finished Tsutsudori - clocking in at ~46k with some author's notes. (I posted last chapter at the beginning of the month but revised just yesterday for a little more character-building). http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6876773/1/Tsutsudori
A dream of a bird and a snake. A journey that uncovers great secrets of the powerful Hyuuga clan. AU Feudal-era Japan. Inspired by 6th closing of Shippuden. Naruto/Hinata. Sasuke, Sakura.
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Re: The 'Pimp your fics' Thread

Unread postby QuoteMyFoot » July 3rd, 2011, 11:19 am

three sides of the same coin
Clay knows better than anyone that they're greater together than they ever could be apart - knows better than anyone, that is, except them. Clay, Cheren, Bianca, White/Touko character study. Oneshot.

A few minor changes since I posted in Writer's Workshop, but probably not enough to warrant a re-read. Posting here in case anyone interested missed it.
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Re: The 'Pimp your fics' Thread

Unread postby Nitramy » July 8th, 2011, 8:52 am

*stumbles into topic*

*posts this little one-shot*

*leaves*
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Re: The 'Pimp your fics' Thread

Unread postby Dechstreme » July 10th, 2011, 1:57 pm

... Of everything you've written... you had to post a link to the one story you wrote that I can honestly say I hate...
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Re: The 'Pimp your fics' Thread

Unread postby utahjak » July 10th, 2011, 7:04 pm

*stumbles into topic*

*posts this little one-shot*

*leaves*
As I said in my review on ff.net, I think you've been listening to Spacebattles a bit too much. I can't say I agree at all with your interpretation of Hinata.
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Re: The 'Pimp your fics' Thread

Unread postby Dechstreme » July 13th, 2011, 9:15 pm

Concur, Utahjak.
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