Crowning Moments of Awesome/Funny (any fic)

Re: Crowning Moments of Awesome/Funny (any fic)

Unread postby MrRigger2 » March 6th, 2013, 9:19 pm



A most excellent act.

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Re: Crowning Moments of Awesome/Funny (any fic)

Unread postby jgkitarel » March 13th, 2013, 6:53 pm

A Classic Act, that one.

Anyway, from Chapter 3 of The Accidental Sensei.
Spoiler: show
"YOSH! I thank you for this most Youthful challenge, Anko-sensei! Come, Naruto, to the far end of the field!"

"Lead on, Caterpillar Brows!" Naruto agreed.

"... they do rather look like that most Youthful insect, don't they?" Rock Lee mused.

"Mm," Naruto agreed. "Family trait?"

"You should see my father. His are quite Youthful," Lee grinned. The two jogged, moving out of easy earshot. Odd, seeing them move so slow. "He just chose to apply his Youth to being a merchant..."

Gai and Anko turned to Neji. As Tenten led her to their own area of the training grounds, Sakura noticed his gaze got rather haughty.

"I see you choose not to waste my time with fated failures," the Hyuuga said flatly.

Tenten put a gentle hand on her shoulder, stopping the younger girl from whipping around in outrage. "He's... got issues."

"Kafufufu," Sakura heard Anko answer. "Neji... spar me."

Sakura swore she heard the Hyuuga gulp.

Tenten grinned. "And he does pay for it when he takes them out on others."

"Anko-sensei's that good?" Sakura murmured.

Tenten smirked. "She flirted with Gai-sensei by ambushing him. Successfully. Three times."

Sakura blinked as Neji went flying past them into the same tree that had broken her nose yesterday.

"Tch," Tenten muttered. "He mentioned Fate a second time. When will he learn?"

"They learn?" Sakura asked with an innocent look.
Also, I have to punch you, jgkitarel, because I spent a lot of time on the nanoha wiki trying to locate information on mages being trained due to being above a certain rank, only to remember and confirm that you were the one that came up with that. - Phht
Don't forget: Mass Effect is powered by magic space rocks. Evangelion is powered by Your Mom.
From his new fic Long Night of the Harvest

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Re: Crowning Moments of Awesome/Funny (any fic)

Unread postby Tempest Kitsune » March 13th, 2013, 7:02 pm

Chapter 5 was posted recently...
"Doesn't matter what the press says. Doesn't matter what the politicians or the mobs say. Doesn't matter if the whole country decides that something wrong is something right. This nation was founded on one principle above all else: the requirement that we stand up for what we believe, no matter the odds or the consequences. When the mob and the press and the whole world tell you to move, your job is to plant yourself like a tree beside the river of truth, and tell the whole world — "No, you move."
— Captain America

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Re: Crowning Moments of Awesome/Funny (any fic)

Unread postby someone » March 15th, 2013, 12:24 pm

From the last chapter of Overlady (Overlord/Familiar of Zero crossover):
Spoiler: show
She was just finishing her second helping when a red-skinned minion wearing a long heavy apron and smelling of gunpowder skidded up beside her. “Overlady!” he said. “Gnarl say...” and he frowned for a moment. “He say lots of words, but he then say that in easy-peasy version that he want to see you in map room. You have to give orders about what to do with ship.”

“I see,” Louise said, with her mouth full.

“Also, what to do with drunken sailor. We find him early in morning. Being sick in cabin.”

The dark lady put her knife down with a sigh, and laid her head down upon her hands. Nothing ever went the easy way, did it?

“Maggat want to shave his belly with rusty razor, but Scyl say no, we feed him to hungry rats for dinner. It probably good idea, because ratties are large and hungry and we needs to get our milky from them so we can make tasty cheeses. And then Maxy grin and say that that sound good and then we all get very worried because that what he do when he getting poet-ical on us and then he went looking for that lyre that he steal from pub,” the minion continued mercilessly. “And that very bad indeed. When Maxy get poet-ical, we has to listen to him until we manages to take his music thing and break it. And even then he sing.”

Louise groaned into her hands. It was too early in the morning for minions. Of course, it was often also too late in the evening for minions, or too middle of the day in the middle of the day, but she was feeling this most acutely. “I’ll go see him,” she said, hoping to fend off any other minion stories along the way.

She was unsuccessful.
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Re: Crowning Moments of Awesome/Funny (any fic)

Unread postby jgkitarel » March 20th, 2013, 6:28 pm

From the just updated A Teacher's Glory.
Spoiler: show
With her Byakugan activated, Hinata saw everything. He was down there, glowing like a furnace. From her position at the edge of the second level of the Stadium's overlapping seating Hinata saw His constructs slowly beating on the Demon, little static sparks of chakra scattering with each strike of their clubs. And he was keeping all of its attention on himself, his chakra-covered sword cutting and stabbing while he threatened it with more of his burning and explosive tags. It roared and smashed its waves of sand, its limbs changing length and size unpredictably, and Naruto kept on dodging, and being missed by the thickness of a leaf. He was smiling.

She saw Shikamaru. He had gotten himself to a safer position, no longer in danger of being trapped against one of the Stadium walls. He seemed to be trying to do some odd jutsu, with wide and wild motions of his arms instead of just using his fingers. When he saw he had caught her attention he began to make Battle Sign, the sign language of Konoha. Every village had their own version, taught as a basic way to do silent communication. He was signaling to her, she realized, but it was hard to see exactly what he was saying. She let her Byakugan fall away. Things were clearer then.

She sped up to the highest level of the seats… they called them the Perches, because it was said they were there for birds needing someplace to rest, after they had flown up so high. She ran on the guardrail rim until she was as near as possible to the Demon, and a few meters higher. Her arm shot out in confirmation. She could do it, she would do it! She wondered again why actual combat was so much more relaxing to her than being on display in front of Father or a teacher.

Hinata reached into the left thigh pocket of her shorts; took out the thick wad of explosive and incendiary tags Naruto had given her as a thank-you gift for helping train his teammates. She chain linked them, and set a four-second fuse. She tossed the package underhand, lofting it just a little bit, and ran up the tiered seats, and to the left, toward the exit ramp. She was knocked off her feet when the package she had tossed went off in a deafening roar. She scrambled up, not heeding the bruises she had just gained. She ran to the down ramp; she had to get at least three levels lower for her attack.

Finally at the right level, she skidded into the aisle that led to the edge of the level. When she finally was at edge she could see the kneeling Demon below. Every time it tried to get to its feet Naruto, now gleaming red with the odd chakra from behind the seal in his stomach, would hit it with a burst that would stagger it.

Hinata wouldn't waste her chance; she sprinted back upward ten rows of seating, here just rows of open backed benches. Hopping up onto a bench she pumped chakra into her legs, and ran downward with all her speed, Byakugan activated, until from the second row from the edge she jumped, hitting her mark on the guardrail perfectly and soaring up and outward like a skipping stone going for its furthest distance. She was falling, just too long, and then the Demon lurched itself a little more upright so that her outstretched right hand could just grab onto the half-embedded boy's torn and scorched shirt, and so she stopped herself from tumbling down the steep contours of the Demon's hide. She scrambled up to the half exposed torso; Gaara shoved his right hand at her, his fingers crudely formed into a spear point. He had seen how it was done, but why would the Master of Sand have practiced that attack, and who would dare be either his partner or taskmaster at learning it? As the Demon began to send tendrils of sand out to catch and strangle her she knocked Gaara's hand aside, and took her aim. He was still gathering his wits together, while she knew exactly what she was there for, and was far faster. Her left hand shot out, touched the tenketsu point that was on the path between the brain and the heart, the path that said 'beat that I may live.' The pathway that would never again respond for Gaara of the Sands, Gaara the Cursed, Gaara the Victim.

The band of sand around her left ankle tightened, twitched, and spasmed, tossing her out and away, as something basic began to go wrong with the One-Tailed Demon Beast Sukaku's relationship to the physical world. The chakra seal that had confined, tortured, and defined it for so many unthinking years was broken. Like a sailor too long at sea, unable to control his motion when off of his vessel, Shukaku… collapsed for a moment. And then, like a balloon, its outer form burst and its inner nature jetted out into the wide world; to stay together or disperse, no living human could foretell.

Hinata fell, and hit the ground rolling, just like they had said you should in the Academy. As her body made contact with the hard-packed sand again and again her left ankle kept sending jolts of pain that made her grunt, until she finally stopped, face down in the dirt with all the breath knocked out of her.

Before her whirling head had completely steadied itself she felt herself picked up, and gently turned until her head rested like an infant's against a wide red chest, two meters above the ground.

"Move soft," Naruto said to his Oni, having noticed how Hinata's foot was unnaturally turned. "Take her to someplace safe and guard her; leave when she's in good hands.

"Hey, Hinata-chan! You've got your hero papers stamped now, taking down a Jinchuriki like that! Shika and I saw it! You floated like a dandelion seed, and then Wham! I gotta go see what mess the Old Man has got himself into this time, but I'll catch up later!"

With that he was off, with two of the red giants he had made, as the one (with its great club tucked under the thongs holding up its loincloth) carried her to the entrance to the medical center for the Stadium. For a second she saw Shikamaru's head flipping back and forth between her and Naruto, before the boy sighed, and headed off at a sprint after the blond dynamo.
Also, I have to punch you, jgkitarel, because I spent a lot of time on the nanoha wiki trying to locate information on mages being trained due to being above a certain rank, only to remember and confirm that you were the one that came up with that. - Phht
Don't forget: Mass Effect is powered by magic space rocks. Evangelion is powered by Your Mom.
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Re: Crowning Moments of Awesome/Funny (any fic)

Unread postby Phht » March 20th, 2013, 8:06 pm

From the just updated A Teacher's Glory.
Lots of rather awesome moments that chapter, but that one was probably the best of the bunch. :D
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Re: Crowning Moments of Awesome/Funny (any fic)

Unread postby Farmer_10 » March 20th, 2013, 8:29 pm

I don't really like it too much. They gloss over the fact the fact that they killed Kakashi way too blithely. It bums me out.
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Re: Crowning Moments of Awesome/Funny (any fic)

Unread postby jgkitarel » March 20th, 2013, 9:08 pm

Kakashi made the mistake of allowing himself to get complacent. Also, while killing him wasn't necessarily their intent, they knew that the trap they laid could be lethal.
Also, I have to punch you, jgkitarel, because I spent a lot of time on the nanoha wiki trying to locate information on mages being trained due to being above a certain rank, only to remember and confirm that you were the one that came up with that. - Phht
Don't forget: Mass Effect is powered by magic space rocks. Evangelion is powered by Your Mom.
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Re: Crowning Moments of Awesome/Funny (any fic)

Unread postby Farmer_10 » March 20th, 2013, 9:23 pm

And that makes it all better?

I'm not calling it bad, I just think they're being very callous about the whole thing and that's just not to my taste. Judging by it's presence in this thread it clearly gets better, but the premise is just too big a dealbreaker for me.
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Re: Crowning Moments of Awesome/Funny (any fic)

Unread postby doc.exe » March 21st, 2013, 1:13 pm

Mmm… I remember reading the prologue and part of the first chapter then quitting. I suppose it might get better later, but the premise was also a big deal breaker for me.

Putting aside that it requires Kakashi to carry the idiot ball and Team 7 to be hyper-competent to a degree that they, simply put, were not remotely close in canon (seriously, we are talking about the most dysfunctional team among the rookies of that generation), I can’t stop thinking that there is a not so subtle “take that” here. I mean, we all agree that Kakashi was a poor teacher in canon, but implying that he was a better model for his students by being accidentally killed by them during their first test… WTF?!
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Re: Crowning Moments of Awesome/Funny (any fic)

Unread postby someone » March 21st, 2013, 2:48 pm

It's a cracky for want of a nail premise that then runs with it seriously.

The writer wanted to write a story about what could happen if Kakashi was killed during the bell-test, so he made a chain of events that caused that to happen, which is kind of impossible without a combination of extra competence for Team 7, idiot balls for Kakashi and flukes.

In other news:
Spoiler: show
Lord and Founder, she really wanted to see her sister.

Just a peek then.

Louise took her peek, and screamed.

“M-mother!” Cattleya stammered, whirling around to stare at the pink-haired figure in the window as the other girl on the bed squeaked. “It’s not what it looks like!”

Louise severely doubted that. She was almost certain it was exactly what it looked like. Her sister had her head between the wide-open legs of another girl, who had her skirt rolled up to her waist. The girl – a maid by the looks of it – was slack-jawed and vacant-eyed. And there were fluids smearing her sister’s jaw.

No, whatever Cattleya might say, it was exactly what it looked like.

Her sister had certainly sunk her fangs into the thigh of the other woman and had been drinking her blood.

“Cattleya!” she shrieked in horror and rage. “You’re... you’re... you’re a...”

Her red-mouthed, sharp-fanged older sister stared back in fear and shock which almost equalled her own. “L-L-Louise!” Cattleya stammered, pointing at her sister with a quavering finger. “Y-you... are you a ghost? You’re dead!”

“So are you!” Louise snapped back. “And I’m not a ghost! I’m just wearing a sheet! That’s not important! You’re the dead one here, not me! Undead is still dead! You’re a bloody vampire!”

Her sister’s eyes widened. “I am?” she asked. Hurriedly, she rummaged through her pockets, and pulled out a handkerchief, dabbing at her mouth. “Is it gone?” she asked, nervously. “I really can’t tell. Sorry, but mirrors don’t work for me and…”

The sheer surreality of the situation managed to momentarily quench Louise’s wrath. “It’s gone,” she conceded. “But… but you’re still a vampire!”
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Re: Crowning Moments of Awesome/Funny (any fic)

Unread postby jgkitarel » March 31st, 2013, 10:28 pm

The Self-Insert Deconstruction Sleeping with the Girls has a lot of CMOAs and CMOFs, the most recent of which....

WARNING: Language
Spoiler: show
I could cast 'explosion' in the form of Dark Schneider's spell, VENOM on accident. I could cast 'light orb' just by thinking about it. If I could think it, I could cast it. And having watched shows ranging from Bastard, to Ah My Goddess, to Slayers, and on and on and on... I had a potential arsenal of magic ranging from glorified tasers, to thermonuclear explosions. Beams, bolts, fireballs, homing projectiles, area attacks, flash-freezing... The possibilities had just become endless.

Maybe it was the elation getting to me. Maybe it was the power, or maybe I really was just that loopy. Hell, maybe it was all of the above, but I barely registered Luna and Shampoo asking me where I was going as my sights narrowed on the bouncing crimson form ahead of me. I picked a spell from my mind that should be simple enough.

I ordered Senbei to 'give me everything he could' and recalled the incantation in my mind.

The funniest thing about BASTARD, is that most, if not all the spells in the Anime or even the Manga were based on the names of metal bands or the people in them. So if the next part doesn't make sense... look it up.

"Dave Mu-STAINE!" I snarled, snapping my hand open. And nearly surprised myself when not only did my voice echo, but every window around me within probably a hundred feet shattered and dozens of pedestrians cringed and ducked to get away. However, I was so focused on what I was about to do that none of that mattered.

Just the asshole that needed adjusting in front of me.

The concussive report I had produced by starting the spell had caused both Happosai and Ranma to stop in their tracks. I made eye-contact with the old fart, earning me a deadly glare.

You don't like me Happi? You want something to fear? Know Fear, for he is me.

"Spirits of earth and air," I recited in English, seeing as I only know it in English. "HONOR the ancient pact and fulfill your destiny!"

I could feel the hair on the back of my neck rising as I brought my 'casting glove' up. And I remember the surprised look on Happosai's face as he felt what in retrospect was undoubtedly ME redirecting the entire magical force of a demon god right down my arm. Ranma had enough sense to bolt in the span of time between the incantation I had just recited, and what I would later come to call the 'trigger word'.

"MEGADETH!" I shouted. "HEAVEN AND EARTH EXPLODE!"

In that instant, I was the happiest man in the multiverse. Because I knew then and there why everyone wanted to be the wizard, or the sorcerer, or the mage, or whatever. There is nothing, NOTHING like the feeling you get when you take the laws of physics themselves, and make them your unmitigated BITCH.

And when I cast MEGADETH, I had just told the universe itself to explode the fuck out of Happosai.

And the universe said 'yes mastah', and exploded the fuck out of Happosai.
I would have done the entire scene, but it's a bit long. You can read the entire thing here.

Also, from Kur0Kishi's Caliburn Initiative:
Spoiler: show
Nanoha simply rolled her eyes as she sat down on her rock comfortably, "Naruto, you done?" She called out tiredly.

Now all that was left was for the teleporters to send it into outer space and let the TSAB deal with it.

"I'm so… satisfied." Moaning, Naruto toppled over onto his back and yawned in satisfaction after a good day's long work.

Then he noticed something extremely wrong with the sky.

"Nanoha?"

"What?"

"Do you have… bandages?"

"Yeah, you want one?" Nanoha noticed that Caliburn was cursing him again.

"I do if they come in Uber Jumbo size."

The auburn haired girl whose pigtails had been undone in the explosion cocked her head at him in confusion, "Uber what now?"

The silent blonde boy looked at Nanoha with a noticeably pinched expression on his face before gesturing at the moon hanging in the sky, "I think I uh…. Went a little overboard."

"Define little."

"Nine Tails of concentrated power with a Starlight Breaker is a bad idea." He laughed nervously, "Who would've known."

"Nope… don't get it. Nine tails? As in you have Tails?"

Naruto who looked like he was currently suffering from constipation, indigestion and an enema all at the same time simply motioned at the moon.

The silver pale orb that hung in the sky was currently proudly showing off its most recent addition to its collection of craters.

A nice, perfectly spherical hole that pierced it completely, showing a nice round patch of starry sky beyond its gleaming surface.

"Do you uh… think the TSAB has anything that can fix that before the gravity goes wonky?"

Nanoha stared at the moon.

Then she stared some more.

Then she cracked.

The nine year old began giggling uncontrollably and she pumped her fist despite her tiredness, "Yesss!" She began dancing a strange little jig, "I'm not the one that has to be scolded for excessive property damage this time! Woohoo!"

She smirked at him victoriously, "Have fun writing THIS report, you're the one that blew a hole in the moon, YOU deal with it."
Also, I have to punch you, jgkitarel, because I spent a lot of time on the nanoha wiki trying to locate information on mages being trained due to being above a certain rank, only to remember and confirm that you were the one that came up with that. - Phht
Don't forget: Mass Effect is powered by magic space rocks. Evangelion is powered by Your Mom.
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Re: Crowning Moments of Awesome/Funny (any fic)

Unread postby Lightwhispers » April 3rd, 2013, 8:40 pm

From Harry Potter and the Garden of Intrigue, Chapter 20, at The End (so far).
Harry turned. If it hadn't been for a year of dealing with wizards, Snape, a magical rearranging castle-labyrinth, Snape, a giant Troll, Snape, Ron's brothers, Snape, Code Apocalypse, Snape, Voldemort, Snape and Snape, he'd have been terrified at the sight of Uncle Vernon.

As it was he was just a little skittish.
Warning: the above may contain strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and logic (which may be unsuitable for stupid people).
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Re: Crowning Moments of Awesome/Funny (any fic)

Unread postby jgkitarel » April 14th, 2013, 10:59 pm

From a little crossover between Harry Potter and The Munsters called Dodgers, Dresses, Teddy Bears and Spot.
Spoiler: show
Severus found himself sitting on an oversized sofa in a dark, musty sitting room, trying not to notice that the son of Lily Evans and James Potter was staring at him.

"Should I call you Uncle Severus or what?" the boy asked.

Severus quite honestly had no idea how to respond to that, so he said nothing.

"I mean, it's not like you'll really be my uncle like Uncle Charlie or Uncle Lester," the boy continued, seemingly not noticing Severus' lack of desire to talk. "But it doesn't seem right to call an adult by his first name. Marilyn's my cousin, but "Cousin Severus" doesn't really sound right."

"I am a teacher," Severus said, hoping to shut the boy up. "You may call me Professor Snape."

Of course it did not work.

"Ok, cool," the boy said. "What do you teach? I like math."

"I am the Potions Master of the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry," Severus said, rubbing his left forearm. An odd ache had suddenly started under his old Dark Mark."

"Oh, that school that Hagrid and Ms. McGonagall work at? They sent you to get me to go there too?" the boy asked. "Why do they want me so bad?"

"I have no idea," Severus admitted.

"I mean it's nice to be wanted, but at some point people have to take a hint," the boy concluded. "Know what I mean?"

Severus nodded.

"I still don't want to go," Potter said. "Just so we're clear, Professor Snape."

"Crystal," Severus assured him before he felt something scamper across his lap and a stabbing pain emanated from his Dark Mark. Hissing in pain, Severus looked down and found himself staring into the plastic eyes of a stuffed bear toy, a toy that was quite purposefully jabbing at this left arm with a plush arm.

Each jab was punctuated by a fresh bolt of pain.

"Oh, hey, Tom likes you," the boy said. "It's funny, he seems to like all you Hogwarts people."

"Tom?" Severus asked incredulously, his eyes never leaving the plastic eyes of the toy.

"That's his name," Harry explained. "He was left over from whatever happened when my birth parents were killed. Grandpa pulled part of him out of my head when he found me, and put him in the bear. Then he gave Tom to me for my 4th birthday."

~Severus~

Severus started when he heard the voice in his head, a voice he had not heard since the day before Lily was murdered and this boy was orphaned.

~Severus, please, help me~

"Boy… Harry," Severus said quietly. "Could you get me a glass of ice water?"

"Sure thing Professor Snape," the boy said happily as he exited the room, allowing Severus some privacy with the bear.

"Voldemort?"

~Yes Severus, it is I. Do you see what I have become, what the boy has done to me, your Lord?~

"You're… a teddy?" Severus managed to choke out, fighting with all his might not to laugh.

~I am. To free me, you must kill the boy.~

"Kill the boy? How would that free you?"

~It doesn't matter,~ the bear gestured wildly, ~he has done this to me, we will work toward regaining my body after the boy is dead.~

Severus lifted the bear from his lap and raised it to his eye level, feeling a bit odd in doing so, but doing it anyway.

"No," he said.

~What? What do you mean, no?~ the 6/7ths of a Dark Lord demanded.

"I said, no," Severus said simply. "I've served you and tolerated your tantrums; I've served Albus Dumbledore and tolerated his school full of idiot children and his insanity. Neither of you have frightened me in the years I served you as much as the vampire known as Grandpa did in a matter of minutes. I would never go against him. Enjoy what passes for your life, Tom."

With that, Severus heaved the bear across the room, and allowed his laughter to come.
Also, I have to punch you, jgkitarel, because I spent a lot of time on the nanoha wiki trying to locate information on mages being trained due to being above a certain rank, only to remember and confirm that you were the one that came up with that. - Phht
Don't forget: Mass Effect is powered by magic space rocks. Evangelion is powered by Your Mom.
From his new fic Long Night of the Harvest

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Re: Crowning Moments of Awesome/Funny (any fic)

Unread postby Nitramy » April 15th, 2013, 11:47 am

Don't know if this qualifies as fanfic, but in Zeon Quest, a /tg/ quest where the posters guide a Zeon MS unit through the One Year War...
Spoiler: show
...a skilled Gundam pilot takes your #2 out, awakening your latent Newtype ability.

What do you do?

You cause all his weapons to jam, then point a shedload of weapons at his cockpit and fire simultaneously.

Oh yeah, who did you take out? Dennis Young, the ace with the most kills on the Federation side in the OYW.

:yuush:
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Re: Crowning Moments of Awesome/Funny (any fic)

Unread postby Phht » April 26th, 2013, 3:06 am

So GreggHL's released more snippets for Glorious Shotgun Princess...
Spoiler: show
There is a skittering, as many many many legs run along the bulkhead. A spot weld, followed by another. Dozens upon dozens upon hundreds of tiny devices working in tandem. Reports are sent in with each successfully implemented modification.

“Okeydoke,” Iri says, tapping her arms together, “Good news! I have improved the maneuverability of the Orizaba by seven eighty nine percent through overpowered vernier thrusters! Also, targeting controls are back online for broadsides! Main gun's still being worked on though.”

Hannah turns in her chair, as Hackett stares at the spider. “You mean seven dot eighty nine, right?”

Iri shakes her head. Hannah blinks. “Iri, are you telling me you've made the Orizaba as maneuverable as the Normandy?”

“Ayuppies!” Iri's mandibles shake, and her eight eyes half lid.

Hannah blinks, then turns back to the screen. Counting off her hands, a grin slowly parts her features. “Bitching.” She adjusts her captain's cap, leaning back. “Serviceman Chung, I want targeting solutions on the two closest Destroyers. Iri. Cloak us.”
and shortly after
Spoiler: show
Hannah grins wider. “Then let's get his attention off our fleet. Helm, take us to FTL. Set a course for the Utopia Relay.”

The speaker crackles again. “Excuse me, but I had some of my drones work on the Mass Effect core to remodel it a bit and also make it something the Reapers can't control~. So, I sorta kinda reworked the effect to also create a space folding bubble around the ship to accelerate the faster-than-light acceleration!”

Hannah blinks, turning up and looking at Hackett. He cocks an eyebrow underneath his hat, before nodding to her, fixing his uniform, and stepping up next to her. “Please,” Hannah says, “The honor is yours.”

Hackett nods. “Helm. Warp one.” He snaps out a finger. “Engage.”

Barrel rolling like a frigate, the Orizaba weaves between two destroyers, blasting legs off with glancing blows of its broadsides. Banking, it accelerates past Harbinger, past the other Destroyers. The engines glow, a bubble of electricity surrounding it before it accelerates and disappears in a flash. The Destroyers roar, shaking the deck plates of the ignores Fifth Fleet before they, and Harbinger, disappear in pursuit.
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Re: Crowning Moments of Awesome/Funny (any fic)

Unread postby Random_fan » April 26th, 2013, 10:18 am

Service man Chung's first name is Wang right?
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Re: Crowning Moments of Awesome/Funny (any fic)

Unread postby jgkitarel » May 4th, 2013, 9:48 am

*groan*

Bad, bad Random! No cookies with dinner tonight!
Also, I have to punch you, jgkitarel, because I spent a lot of time on the nanoha wiki trying to locate information on mages being trained due to being above a certain rank, only to remember and confirm that you were the one that came up with that. - Phht
Don't forget: Mass Effect is powered by magic space rocks. Evangelion is powered by Your Mom.
From his new fic Long Night of the Harvest

My current project on FFN, Mystic Knight Online
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Re: Crowning Moments of Awesome/Funny (any fic)

Unread postby Jasruv » May 24th, 2013, 11:06 am

This is from Twisting the Hellmouth, a fanfic called Forever After Earth.
I've haven't put up a link because it has NSFW elements.

Spoiler: show
One long explanation later, and Xander only had one question. "Hyperdrive actually works in this universe? Awesome!"

Seeing an opening, Carter pounced. "Clearly, we both have technology the other is interested in. Would you be interesting in making a few trades?"

"Ah, we're not going to say no," Xander hedged, "but we don't really know what we can offer you yet, or what we can and can't do with anything you give us. We're effectively crippled without our Giaa, and we're going to need time to learn to function without one. And as amazing as Willow is, she can't ever really replace a Giaa."

"I see," Carter said, disappointed.

"Is there anything we could offer you that you're in need of right now, in exchange for a promise that the Eliezera will aid Earth in the event of hostile alien action?" Daniel asked.

"Of course we'll protect the Earth!" Buffy blurted. "Right guys?"

Xander and Willow nodded.

"We're stranded here," Xander said. "If I understand how we got here, this isn't even our multiverse, let alone our universe, and there's no way to go back. So, your Earth is it, for us."

Daniel nodded. "Thank you. I'm sure a lot of our people will be glad to hear that."

"If that's true, how did you come to be here?" Carter asked curiously.

Willow opened her eyes an let out a little, "Whew."

"Welcome back, Wills," Xander said with a smirk. "We parked?"

"Yup!" she chirped. "To answer your question, Major Carter, we aren't sure of the exact chain of events, but as near as we can tell, we were magically summoned."

Cater blinked. "What do you mean by 'magically'?"

"I mean, something caused the magic of this universe to reach out, find us in our universe, and edit us into being in this universe," Willow said.

"You seriously think it was magic?" Carter asked doubtfully.

Willow expression turned incredulous. "Didn't you say you'd already studied genuine psionic phenomena? You have spaceships that violate conservation of momentum and temporal causality. How can you doubt the existence of magic?"

Carter sighed. "These things all function due to replicable scientific principles. Some of your technology would undoubtedly seem like magic even to some modern humans, but just because we don't understand something doesn't make it magic."

Willow rolled her eyes. "Well, d'oy. What makes it magic is that those principles you mention cannot be reduced to the quantum math. They are special-case rules imposed on this multiverse externally. You don't have a forcefield generator in your brain, so if you move something with telekinesis, it's because the universe is editing kinetic energy into existence in exception to the natural progression of the quantum math."

"That's a limited view," Carter insisted. "There is more than one fundamental physical equation, each a component of the panspacial whole, interacting through measurable rules."

"You just described irreducible physical laws bound by bridging laws," Willow rejoined. "That is a fallacy unless you're explicitly postulating magic. My old universe has the same fundamental physics that yours does, and yet in my universe hyperspace doesn't exist. It was... tacked on, to your universe. That makes it magic."

"But we can travel hyperspace through well-understood, completely physical means," Carter shot back.

"Sufficiently analyzed magic is still magic, Major Carter," Willow said sagely. "Mistaking magic for technology is no less a scientific sin than mistaking technology for magic."

"Is anyone else getting a headache?" Buffy cut in. Willow pouted at her.
Spoiler: show
I love how Willow calls Carter on the shennagins that Stargate pulls with physics.
I don't believe in overkill, but I do believe in economy of force. Which is why I don't use tactical nuclear devices to get rid of gnats that are annoying me. Well, not often anyway.

Naruto shrugged. "It doesn't have to make sense, we're ninja. We walk on water because it's easier than learning to swim." Vulpine by Saphroneth

Stories do not exist to warn you of monsters. You knew that monsters existed before you could speak, before you could walk. Stories exist to tell you monsters can be defeated.
~Unknown
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Re: Crowning Moments of Awesome/Funny (any fic)

Unread postby jgkitarel » May 24th, 2013, 7:59 pm

Could you imagine what character like Nanoha would do to Carter's world view?

If that amused you, try No Tendo, by Greylle. It starts as a Ranma/Sailor Moon/SG1 crossover and Carter has a fit from being exposed to magic.
Also, I have to punch you, jgkitarel, because I spent a lot of time on the nanoha wiki trying to locate information on mages being trained due to being above a certain rank, only to remember and confirm that you were the one that came up with that. - Phht
Don't forget: Mass Effect is powered by magic space rocks. Evangelion is powered by Your Mom.
From his new fic Long Night of the Harvest

My current project on FFN, Mystic Knight Online
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Re: Crowning Moments of Awesome/Funny (any fic)

Unread postby jgkitarel » June 20th, 2013, 10:23 pm

Hmm, finding some awesome, funny, funny awesome, or awesome funny... Tricky, tricky. Ah! Just the entirety ofTakamachi Nanoha of 2814. I really can't place things in, or otherwise, the post would take up too much space, it's just... well, let's just say that there is crack, then there is serious crack, and then there is Shadow Chrystal Mage (a Limited Liability Author) crack. Just read it.

Also, found a nicely funny one from a Naruto x Negima?! crossover called Pactio Quindecim. This is a good example of one of Naruto's pranks backfiring from some unintended help.
Spoiler: show
"Wow! What strange patterns!" Negi was in a state of trance observing the mask he was currently holding in his hands, property of a stall from which he had picked it up. "It looks like… A dog? How interesting…" He thought about buying it… Before realizing that in that village there was a different currency. He sighed and put it back where he had taken it from.

"Hey, kid. What are you looking at?" Negi turned around… And immediately began to panic. He found himself face to face with a very beautiful woman, that was wearing some revealing clothes. Her breasts were almost coming out of the he didn't know how many sizes too little tank top she was wearing.

"Eh… Ah… bu… But…" He tried to form a coherent sentence, but any hope of doing that disappeared when the woman put a hand over his head and ruffled his hair. He started to panic even more, waving his arms up and downs to his side.

"My, my. Aren't you the cutest little thing? Did oneechan scare you? Hn?" Inside Naruto was snickering loudly. This was a bit of vengeance for how often this happened to him too… Well, he didn't panic, but still, it seemed that once he got on that training trip with Jiraiya, the older ladies just couldn't seem to leave him alone.

"Ah, no! It's just that… I… I mean, my sister always said to…" Negi seemed to have got some semblance of control over his tongue, but not enough to make sense, it seemed. But unknown to the two of them… Disaster decided to strike, in ermine form.

Chance. The white animal had tied one end of a long pink ribbon around a light-pole, and had the other end safely between his teeth. He focused all his energies and then sprinted forward. In the arc of two seconds he had run four full circles around the two's legs and had then started to pull.

"Eh?!" Negi was the first to lose balance.

"What the hell?!" Followed quickly by the transformed Naruto. It was impressive how the damn animal had calculated the trajectory and everything else so that the much taller woman would fall exactly at the right time to land her lips on Negi's ones. Of course, the two froze. This gave the ermine the chance to turn around and use the 'Pactio' spell.

"Alright! Now… …" The shock had had the double effect to froze both of the boys and release Naruto's transformation, exposing the boy for what he was. Not a busty, beautiful woman, but a tall, manly teen. Kamo had one reaction. The very opposite of a nosebleed. He spiral vomited high in the air and landed unconscious on the ground while the magic circle appeared under the two victims and flashed with light.

The two boys stayed like that for like… Ten seconds, before breaking up, still staring at each other's eyes like they had just seen their undead parents come back to life to eat their brains, while the circle and the light disappeared and something appeared with a smaller flash of light in one of Negi's pockets.

The two kept on staring at each other before reality kicked in. Then, they let out two enormous, synchronized screams that frightened everyone in a ten kilometres radius, and thankfully made the ones immediately nearby forget what they had witnessed. In the meanwhile, a few countries away, Sasuke Uchiha shivered.

"What… This… This feeling…" It's like… A million of Yaoi fangirls suddenly awakened from their slumber… But why do I feel safer? … Ah. It involves a shota. That's why.
Also, I have to punch you, jgkitarel, because I spent a lot of time on the nanoha wiki trying to locate information on mages being trained due to being above a certain rank, only to remember and confirm that you were the one that came up with that. - Phht
Don't forget: Mass Effect is powered by magic space rocks. Evangelion is powered by Your Mom.
From his new fic Long Night of the Harvest

My current project on FFN, Mystic Knight Online
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Re: Crowning Moments of Awesome/Funny (any fic)

Unread postby someone » July 16th, 2013, 2:20 pm

Overlady keeps being awesome.
Spoiler: show
Louise blushed. A present? From Emperor Lee?

Wait. A present. From Emperor Lee? “Stay there,” she told Maxy, “and get some blues handy.” She rose to her feet quickly, grabbed Jessica by the hand, and pulled the other girl out of the room. She wanted at least a solid stone wall between her and the result of opening that box. “Okay, open it for me!” she called out.

“Open it!” Maxy, standing beside her, called out.

There was crack of lightning, and a boom. Louise nodded solidly. One of the things the Cathayan Emperor had mentioned to her during a dance was how people who opened presents themselves were… what were the words he had used, ‘objectively suboptimal’? Probably. He had used those words about a lot of things. Now she could go and… “Check it again!” she yelled, to any minions still in the room.

“Aww!” a minion called back. “No more pretty boomies!”

“Sparky magic rock taste funny!”

“Oooh! I wants a go licking it! Hee hee hee! Funny sparky rock!”

Louise risked poking her head back in. Well. Breakfast was ruined, that was for sure. “I thought I told you to stay there,” she said to Maxy.

The brown looked hurt. “I here to protect you, overlady,” he said. “What if… secret ambush planned when you was getting away from explody box?”

The overlady stared down at the minion. “And it’s not at all that you suspected that it was a trap and so you wanted other minions to open it,” she said, wryly.

“Nah, minions aren’t that bright,” Jessica said. “Also, they don’t know the meaning of the word ‘fear’. Not that that means much, of course.”

“Yep!” Maxy said cheerfully. “I clearly too stoopid to not want to get revival headache. I just love them. Mmm mmm. I… I just too worried for overlady and so loyal that I miss fun of being blown up because I want to keep her safe!”
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Re: Crowning Moments of Awesome/Funny (any fic)

Unread postby jgkitarel » July 17th, 2013, 10:57 pm

It's on my favorite fics list for a reason and I periodically check spacebattles as well.

Anyway, from a rather amusing Negima x Familiar of Zero crossover called The Darkest Void.
Spoiler: show
Negi smiled and took a sip from his cup of tea. Henrietta stood up and approached Louise, who stood on her feet to meet her. Then, when they were dangerously close, both staring at each other's eyes, he heard a voice quip "Come on, kiss already you two!"

Ah, he'd missed that so much. He would have to make sure to give Derflinger a treat for that.

"P-Perverted Sword!"

Henrietta blinked. She was suddenly red faced. "I-It's alright..."

"Ah, her highness doesn't seem to be so averse to the idea!" Derflinger commented, as Louise struggled to lift the rather heavy weapon. "What do you say, partner?"

"To be honest, I had two friends just like you two." Negi commented, before setting his cup on the table. "... Actually, make that four... No, six... Okay, nine, I think... Depending on wether or not you count triangles. Now that I think about it, that's a lot of complicated relationships."

"Friends?" Louise asked, rolling her eyes. "More of your lovers, I imagine."

"As a matter of fact, yes."

Louise had no words for that one. "Oh my!" The sword quipped.

"A-All at once?" Henrietta, still red faced, turned to ask Negi.

"How many lovers did you actually have?" Louise's temper had flared again, though she was secretly thankful that there had been a topic change. Mostly because the idea was more appealing every second and it was starting to scare her. "How is that even possible?"

"... A gentleman doesn't talk about such things." Negi replied.

"Oh, but I am curious, Mister Negi."

"Yeah, Partner, I want to hear this one too."

"It's an order from your Master."

Negi sighed, then smiled. He was pleased the tension in the room was gone. "Okay... First, I will begin with a disclaimer. I am not proud of the title of 'Thousand Pimp'..."

Louise had never thought her familiar would be capable of such perversity. The tales he was giving them were prone to causing disbelief. After all, hearing about one single man who could attract so many women at once was ridiculous. Weren't it him, she might have called bullshit. Evidently, as his instant fangirls proved, he really was that sexy.

Hearing about him doing that exact same thing when he was ten was entirely unbelievable. If nothing else, at the very least they were exciting and well wrought tales of romance. His claims of having charmed them all unintentionally were even more unbelievable than anything else.

"But how can one love so many people at once?" Henrietta asked, enraptured with his tales.

"I guess I couldn't really explain. Everyone is a part of who I am. I gave them all a piece of my heart." Negi answered. "I really do miss them. But I know that they are not away. They are all with me in my heart. They're the glue that holds me together."

Louise seemed enchanted with his selfless devotion to his friends. She had gotten a taste of the lengths he was willing to go for a loved one. He would withstand any pain and carry any burden. He would take any amount of abuse and he would fight through the most impossible odds.

When the tale got to the part when his charm started working on the same gender, Louise had to press a napkin to her nose. She had once thought Kirche von Zerbst was the worst thing that had ever happened to decency.

Clearly, she had been wrong, if her familiar's tales were anything to go by.

It was an ermine named Albert Chamomille, who she had to blame for her familiar turning into an adorable little boy into... well, a manslut.

"And that's why I have these enchanted glasses." Negi said, touching the rim of the glasses with his pointer finger.

Henrietta looked really curious at that declaration. "What kind of enchantment could do that?" She asked. She wasn't certain how enchantments worked to begin with, as enchanters were folks who rarely divulged their secrets, so learning something new from that school of magic was always interesting.

"I don't believe it." Louise said. It just couldn't even be possi-

"Okay, we believe you." they chorused, as Negi put his glasses back on, heavy blushes on both of their faces, the abruptness of the moment spent in the most utterly shocked silence forgotten for a second.

"Partner, I don't know why, but I think the title 'Thousand Pimp' really fits you after all..."
Also, I have to punch you, jgkitarel, because I spent a lot of time on the nanoha wiki trying to locate information on mages being trained due to being above a certain rank, only to remember and confirm that you were the one that came up with that. - Phht
Don't forget: Mass Effect is powered by magic space rocks. Evangelion is powered by Your Mom.
From his new fic Long Night of the Harvest

My current project on FFN, Mystic Knight Online
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Re: Crowning Moments of Awesome/Funny (any fic)

Unread postby MEKristian » July 25th, 2013, 2:34 pm

Chapter 19 of Chaos Theory.

On the funny side, we have Secret Agent Ilya.

On the Awesome side, we have Rin deciding that the universe favours the bold... and insane.
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Re: Crowning Moments of Awesome/Funny (any fic)

Unread postby Farmer_10 » July 25th, 2013, 6:10 pm

Oh, hell yeah.
Spoiler: show
The part where she Gundamjacked Rider was surprising and awesome. I didn't even suspect that that was her plan.
Sweet lady fate, why dost thou piss on me so?!
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